Write Your Heart Out ツ discussion

hey my mine is here

this is one of my first haiqus so please help

Ok!!

death ever coming ever
going people hate you but
you keep on doing

so what do you think?

That's good!! It flows rly well and you got the syllables correct!! So rly good!!

thanks do you have any suggestions on how I could improve?

ever coming ever going
I tryied my best but it continues on to the next line

heres a few more haiqus they link to eac other and tell a story so please tell me wha you think:)

darkness falls over the
world cretures hiding away when
the moon comes to see

their it finds nothing
silence rules the night and only
the moon is visable

when the night is gone
and the day is coming things
start to move again

I know but only with that ever does the first one = 5 syllables

thanks by the way

are you sure you reading it right
death is one
ever is one
coming is 2
ever is 1
that makes 5 something must be wroung or something because another person said I got it righ

hmmm intresting thanks was getting confused must be pretty common mistake because your the only one to spot it and I have shown it on other forums before
thanks for telling me my mistake:)

i will change it thanks again

death still coming still
going people hate you but
you keep on doing

I like this better anyway

yeah thanks again.
I got a paragrap of a story I did you english.
would you like to see it

okay it needs some work and little more detail but it is an intresting premis.

It’s good to be bad
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh” yarned sir duke of Europe one of the 13 lord demons in Europe at the moment him being duke the 3rd highest ranking on the continent “MINON! WHATS THE NEXT PLAN!” he bellows while getting dress in fine silk that goes excellent with his green scales when his not in glamour( a rich well to do noble from that time including Crassus, sheriff of Nottingham and a number of popes. “Sir our next plan was to stop the assignation of Emperor Nero” whimpered a tiny winged imp getting his daily meal of beheaded nobles with a side of plague rats. “Good he was fun and a ball to talk to” he said. “well we better begin plotting and doing before those angels come to ruin one of our other plans” he said to himself and the journey began.

is their any suggestions to improve this may I ask?

Water flowing so
Gentle but steady always
Moving still flowing

How do you like my new haiku
I call it gentle stream

Oh thanks forgot that ever is 2

How do you like the change

hey hey hey I am making a new story I will be back when I make it

while you wait can you tell me what you think of it is goood to be bad

the grand libary
full of knowledge and secrets
you only need to look


but knowledge is a
dangerous thing and disturbes
all who looks for it

explore it at your
own risk you might find something
about your morals

but if you succeed
and survive the trip you will
know your mind and soul

so what do you people think?

great! (and I hate to be the grammar Nazi, but you want critique, right?) so there were a few working problems and wrong versions of a word (ex: their instead of there)
but other than that, fantastic!

thanks in truth I always get them confused what do you see from my haiqu? what is it about

good we need some in the world as long as you are kind about it

what I got from it: keep going, even through the trials of life

that's choose, right?

what I got from it: keep going, even through the trials of life

that's close, right?

and taking chances

creatures, visible, and haikus are the spelling mistakes I found so far (I'm just trying to help, not being mean or anything)

haha I try not to be so harsh. just a year ago I made countless mistakes in writing so...yeah
I'm sorry if I am being harsh, these really are good writings!

thanks for that I am a horrible speller

nice way of seeing it daughter of night

the way I see it is exploring your self and seeing your own morals(this is harder than it seems) when I look into my self I find stuff that scares me and some of the stuff that I want to do scares me but I know mysef now thats the trade off

Oh very nice
and actually, there aren't that many spelling mistakes. I only saw those three:)

:) good I thought they may have been

it's all good:)

hey what do you think of the story it good to be bad story I whote I put it here a couple days ago but I have not heard any thing about it

it has potential, just one thing. punctuation lol.
I haven't been notified of everyone's updates for some reason, also, so usually I comment on everyone's folder the day they write stuff...but I never got that notification so...sorry lol.

punctuation has always being a problem

no biggy, you'll get better with practice:)

darkness was alone
always in shadows watching
waiting for the night

night was when he could
met his love in the open air
a gentle breath waiting

she waits above the
clouds watching him hopeing that
tonight is the night

he gets up walking
towards the spot where they meet
gathering courage

they met as always
in the night in the shadows
where they hug and kiss

but this time somethings
different he holds a ring
that glows in the night

he offers it to
her holding his hand out so
that she can get it

she is stunned but takes
the ring from his hand and puts
it on her finger

so what do you all think?

This is great! Are you going to continue It's good to be bad? I like it.

probably but poems are easier I will continue it when the hoilidays start
which is 2 weeks

Okay :)

That last thing you posted was really cool!

thank you reann I will continue they take a lot of work but I like them