Scribbler discussion

Peak: A Pantoum

https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

I stand on the mountain, high as the clouds,
Wind in my hair, cold on my cheeks.
I shiver with cold, fear and delight,
The small world below swims in my eyes.

Wind in my hair, cold on my cheeks,
The sky at my fingertips.
The small world below swims in my eyes,
A smile rises on my lips.

The sky at my fingertips,
The clouds all around me, like breaths of smoke.
A smile rising on my lips,
My victory held close to my heart.

The clouds all around me, like breaths of smoke.
My limbs ache from the long climb,
My victory held close to my heart.
I should go back, but I'm captured by the sight.

My limbs ache from the long climb,
I shiver with cold, fear and delight.
I should go back, but I'm captured by the sight,
From where I stand on the mountain, high as the clouds.

((That was a mandatory school one. It's a very repetitive style, but my teacher loved it :) I hope you guys like it...))

Some Things Never Change

https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

She stands in the valley, beneath the clouds,
An old house on a bright meadow.
In a small, sleepy town, she slumbers.
She was a child when the forests were born,
But her natural elegance hides her age,
With long, flowing hair that descends down the valley
in a swirling waterfall of moonlight.
Her eyes are calm and cheerful,
windows to her kind, wise soul,
That glows warmly through her shaded eyes,
She greets passers by, waving and laughing,
Every leaf in the trees swaying in welcome,
Lifting travellers' spirits as they trudge up the hillside.
She never speaks, but her tinkling laugh chimes through the valley,
As the wind swirls by.
Lifting her slender fingers in greeting.
Every year, we are welcomed warmly,
By her light, delighted laugh,
By the flowers braided through her hair,
By her watermelon smile.
And every year, we are waved farewell,
As her angelic smile fades,
The heavens crying in sympathy.
She stands, strong and lonely,
waiting four our return.
Some things never change.

((I don't like that one as much, another mandatory school one. It's about a house, by the way.))

((Ok, for this one, I wrote it and my teacher didn't really like it :( so I edited it :) and she still didn't really like it, but that's ok... Tell me which version you like better :D))

Leap for the Stars

https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

I took a leap for the stars, and fell back to earth.
I reached out so far, and grasped only thin air.
For a moment, I stood on the top of the world
My hope and dreams suspending me there.
I tried my best, but that wasn't enough,
I pushed myself harder than ever before.
I felt like a bird who was learning to fly,
Or a lion who was discovering his roar.
I took the path to success, but it led me nowhere,
I took a wrong turn on the way.
Our decisions define us, as mine seemed to do,
As I fell back to earth that dark day.
But I picked myself up, as all little birds do,
I took off for the stars, more timid and shy,
Pride wounded, but determination intact.
If I didn't succeed now, at least I could try.

Tryouts

https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

I leapt for the stars, and fell back to earth.
I reached out so far, and grasped only thin air.
For a moment, I perched on the top of the world,
My hopes and dreams suspending me there.

I was a bird who was learning to fly,
a lion discovering his roar.
I tried my best, but that wasn't enough,
Pushed myself harder than ever before.

Time, effort and love I spent,
Practicing week after week.
My confidence built along with my skill,
Thinking I had what they'd seek.

I sought the road to success, but it led me nowhere.
On the treacherous path, I lost my way.
Slowly, but surely, I fell farther behind,
Until I tumbled to earth that painful day.

My pride took a plummet, along with my spirit,
I realised I was not the best.
No longer a bird who soared through the sky,
I was one that fell from the nest.

But I picked myself up, as all little birds must.
I set a new goal, humbled and shy.
My pride wounded, but determination intact,
As I carefully made for the sky.

((And, yes. They have different names...))

Wow! These poems are amazing!!! I'd say I like the second one better, although both are great, in my opinion. They are two different styles to me, so I find them hard to compare.

I did like the second one better :) it was very good! And simple! And encouraging! Easy to imagine, I loved that little poetry voice behind it. I don't know why your teacher didn't like it :/ I also liked your very first poem! That was wonderful! It was again easy to picture and had that poetry voice again. It had emotion behind it as well :) although a bit too repetitive

First poem: 8/10
Second poem: 7/10
Third poem: 7 1/2 /10

Lol I feel like a judge :P

Thanks :) Well, the first one is a pantoum poem, which is a repetitive style of poem, lol, so it kinda had to be repetitive... :P lolz.

Oh ok lol :P I liked the repetition anyway

Yeah I thought that pattern was really cool.

Hamsiidris ☠Never Trust a Duck☠ wrote: "Peak: A Pantoum

https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

I stand on the mountain, high as the clouds,
Wind in my hair, cold on my cheeks.
I shiver with cold, fear and delight,..."

That is amazing, you have a very beautiful way with words

Katie wrote: "Hamsiidris ☠Never Trust a Duck☠ wrote: "Peak: A Pantoum

https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

I stand on the mountain, high as the clouds,
Wind in my hair, cold on my cheek..."

Thank you :)