Casual Readers discussion

low, depressed and grieving for my dead father, I feel isolated. I try my hardest to integrate with with the society on the internet and in real life and although I don't care for people other than my friends, I feel conflicted about how I truly feel. I am confused, hateful and ashamed. does anyone else feel this? also do you feel the rift between yourself (the reader) and the others (the people that don't read and shame you for doing so). I may be intoxicated but this is how I feel sober anyway through my day to day life.

sorry for being a downer.

I just want to say I suffer from anxiety and I wish I had some good advice for you. Loosing a parent is tough. More than tough. My grandmother raised me and 9 years later I am still mourning her. It gets easier. It is okay that you do not care for others. Why would you you are suffering? It will pass. Do not be ashamed. Just a tip - try not to drown your sorrows in alcohol because you have to face up to this. I mean have a drink or two but you do not need more problems. I am at

Chocolatemint515@aol.com if you feel like reaching out. I have MS and it is flaring up right now so I am not doing well but I will answer you within a day or two.

I believe in Reiki and am sending good vibes and healing energy your way.

Because I know you need one I am sending a BIG HUG. I hope it helps.

I wish you all the best. Do not be too hard on yourself.

thank you I will when I am next at a computer, I am on the mobile app and it's a nightmare xx

Don't feel bad sonny...i too have suffered from depression and feelings of isolation and inadequacy. I don't have much family or friends as I've moved around all my life. Just hold onto something that makes you happy and books is a good place to start:)

I agree with Addy, hold onto the things that make you happy. If other people don't understand or respect that, then it's their problem not yours. I'm lucky that I have friends who are big readers so I've never felt bad about my reading habits.

I'm someone who enjoys their own company and quite happy to potter around and do my own thing. The support group of friends I once had has now diminished and I have felt extremely isolated on occasions. I'm still finding it hard to balance work, study, me time and a social life.

Take care of yourself first and foremost, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

sonny wrote: "low, depressed and grieving for my dead father, I feel isolated. I try my hardest to integrate with with the society on the internet and in real life and although I don't care for people other than..."

I realized I did not hit reply the first time I wrote you. I hope you are at least a little better today. Even 1/100 better is better. I know depression does not go away overnight, but you see you have people that care about you here. We are here for books but it has always been a great community. Again do not hesitate to contact me. I did not check my email so if you did I will see it. Be well and I agree with Addy too. Hold onto something, anything that makes you happy. And we are here for you.

Sorry to hear about your loss, Sonny. The feelings you are experiencing show that you are a caring person. Take the time to live them fully. It is hard but you will get through them eventually and you will feel the richer for it. It is hard to believe when you feel low, but I speak from experience. I lost my beloved sister 6 years ago when she was only 46. I thought I would never be able to get through the immense grief I felt. I cried for days until my 11 year old daughter brought me back to reason. I entered a long depression following her death but I eventually pulled through and, although I am still sad when I think of her, I now focus on the good memories and the wonderful daughter she left us. My father also died from Parkinson's two years ago. For him, it was more of a relief from this terrible illness. But it was more grief for me to experience.
Never be ashamed of reading. Those who don't deprive themselves from one of life's greatest source of personal enrichment.

Pierre wrote: "Sorry to hear about your loss, Sonny. The feelings you are experiencing show that you are a caring person. Take the time to live them fully. It is hard but you will get through them eventually and ..."

I am sorry to hear about your losses. You gave great advice. I am hoping Sonny will find support in this community. You are right to and I forgot. If someone makes you ashamed of reading a book, you may need to rethink your relationship with that person. In fact reading a funny book may be a great idea. I am glad you are doing well now. As they say - this too, shall pass.

That is all great advice. No body on GR would make fun of you. We are all huge bookies and proud of it. Reading some funny books may help like Mollydee said. Christopher Moore and Carl Hiaasen are both quirky and lol funny. Hang in there.

Sonny - I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I too am dealing with some loss in my family; I just lost my cousin (more like a brother really) to CA in January. Even though I love and miss him dearly, in his situation it was a blessing as he was in such pain.

I experienced the same feelings you have, only not towards others but toward myself. I felt guilty and angry at myself for not going to see him more often and ashamed that, as horrible as it sounds, I would wish for the end to come so that he would no longer have to suffer. It is still taking some time, but I am getting better because I know that Little Joe (my cousin) would understand and be the first person to tell me to remember him not with sadness and how he was when he was in good health.

If you need to talk, vent, whatever... please don't hesitate to PM me.

Are your low feelings the result of the loss of your father, or is this something you've suffered with previously, and is now exacerbated by your grief? If it's the latter, I highly advise that you speak with your Doctor.

I suffer from major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety, and if you are suffering from a clinical depression, I speak from experience when I say that you cannot do this alone. If you're beginning to have what I call "the dark thoughts" (in other words, thoughts of suicide, not necessarily contemplating it, but even just fantasizing about it), you need to see someone. I understand the feelings of isolation - I become very stressed and anxious in social situations, and there are very few people I actually care for, aside from my husband, my children, and my parents.

I know exactly what you mean when you refer to your feelings of shame. Another biggie for me is guilt. And paranoia. This is why speaking with someone is so important, because quite often, our feelings of shame and guilt and paranoia are unfounded, rather it's the mental illness talking... almost like there's a second, evil voice whispering in our ears.

If your feelings are stemming directly from your loss, perhaps finding a grief support group would be helpful? I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent. However, your post is concerning to me (since I've been there), and I really, really hope you opt to talk to someone.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

I'm sorry for your loss Sonny, and after losing a its normal to feel depressed. My thoughts are with you at this time. I also prefer to keep to my own company and you're still reaching out to your friends here on goodreads and we can all understand just wanting to lose ourselves in books. It is a perfect way to spend a few hours. Don't let anyone make you feel even worse for wanting to read. This is a good way to be able to talk things out, and vent.You can pm me as well.

thank you everyone that has commented on this thread, I would talk more but I only can use the app at home and the only other internet connection I can use with my laptop is at mums.

Stupid question..... Can you just sign on to goodreads.com. IDK. I don't use the app, for me its isolating. Sonny is my fathers name. Hang tough bubba..

Gosh, it's amazing how many of us bookworms suffer from depression.

Not surprising really. I think most of us have introverted personalities and it is more common for us.

One of the medication I have to take for my ms is also used for depression so that helps me a lot. But it's tablets I have to take it every day though. Having a pet can be also be a big help with depression.

In Huffpost today:
How Strong Social Connections Can Help People With Depression
Looks like GR is good for fighting depression. :-)

Here here!!

Chuck wrote: "Gosh, it's amazing how many of us bookworms suffer from depression."

True. I take medication for depression myself.

Cindy what do you take? I take amitriptyline and zoloft. amitriptyline knocks me out for most of the day but the combination is working better than the others that I have taken. I have cut down on my drinking, it wasn't helping me in the long run, just made me more emotional. I was using it to grieve, I dissociate when I suffer a shock and from past problems.

I mixed booze and anti depressants for the last 6 years after the death of my sister. The drinking only got worse over the years. I finally gave it up last September and I have been feeling better and better ever since. I think the effect the anti depressants were supposed to have on me was being cancelled out in great part by the beer and wine. My mood is pretty good these days most of the time. I still have bleak days but they are getting fewer and far between.

I take amtryptaline as well Sonny and it helps me a lot, I'm used to it now so it doesn't really knock me out anymore. I'm not able to drink though because I have to take other tablets for my MS. I hope you're feeling a bit better sonny:)

Its good that you were able to stop drinking Pierre:) I had a couple of times in hospital after mixing tablets and booze. After having my stomach pumped some years back I stopped the drinking and manage better now.

I can't even imagine what that must be like for you, Angie. My father suffered from Parkinson's syndrome during the last 15 years of his life and it was terrible to see him age very rapidly and slowly loose his motor skills. He was lucky to make it to 78 though. That's as close as I have come to degenerative illness. I can well imagine though that mixing booze and prescription drugs would have dire effects on you.
For myself, there have been so many positive benefits from giving up drinking. My wallet is fuller, my family life is much better, and, best of all, I can now read in the evening instead of falling asleep on the couch. :-)

sonny wrote: "Cindy what do you take? I take amitriptyline and zoloft. amitriptyline knocks me out for most of the day but the combination is working better than the others that I have taken. I have cut down on ..."

Sonny, I am on Celexa. I haven't been on it long enough to know if it's gonna help or not. Just been three weeks and I haven't noticed anything different yet. It can take up to six weeks for anti-depressants to work.

Oh yes! The booze. I gave that up almost three years ago now.

I've not been on much at the moment because of problems with my eyes, its easy for the DR's to say, oh its just the ms. But after nearly collapsing with pain they finally diagnosed. Its recurrent corneal erosion, and became its been left for over a year they are talking total corneal abrasion to allow proper new growth. Its a total pain in the ass, and I don't know anything about it. Mollydee can I ask have you had this problem. Its totally getting me down:( I try and be cheerful but today has just been bad. Sorry for moaning about it guys:(

I just don't understand doctors and insurance companies anymore. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Angie.

Angie wrote: "I've not been on much at the moment because of problems with my eyes, its easy for the DR's to say, oh its just the ms. But after nearly collapsing with pain they finally diagnosed. Its recurrent c..."

Angie, just read your post. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You're in my thoughts and prayers too!

So long as I keep my eyes rested and use all the drops and creams I should be OK until the op, the infection has to clear up first. I'm just itching to get back to my books!!

Cindy, I take Celexa as well. It has helped a great deal for me. I hope it will help you as well.

It is helping Mama. Noticeably.

I must say my depression has gotten a lot better in the last month since my doc put me on a new medication. I'm enjoying life again and feel comfortable in my own skin.

I've battled depression since I was 18 and am now 43. It's awesome to feel so good. Taking things one day at a time, of course.

To all who battle depression, there is hope. My anti-depressant is called Nardil. I'm also on a light dose of Xanax for periodical panic attacks.

Best wishes to all.

I've been feeling depressed lately. It seems to come and go. Im just not sure if its severe enuf for medication, but I'm scared to get on meds. Any suggestions?

Addy, exercise does wonders!!! Pump some iron. See if that helps. Stay hydrated. If it doesn't help, talk to your doc.

Depression is often the result of prolonged exposure to stress. Have you noticed any new sources of stress in your life? If you do have new stresses, you may want to try to identify the pressure points and see how you can manage them. A useful tip I learned in therapy was to focus your attention and energy on the things over which you have control and to let other things be. I worried way too much about things over which I had no control.
Are there people, family or children that are making difficult demands on you? Are they affecting your mood? This is also something you can learn to control. although it may seem like the most obvious thing in the world, I also learned that I am the only one responsible in how I react to others. We frequently give way too much power to others, children in particular, over our moods and reactions to our own detriment.
What is the quality of your sleep? That can also affect you.
Mama is right that exercise does help. The trouble is often finding the motivation to get started, especially if you are feeling down.
A couple of my friends have found help dealing with depression in meditation. I haven't tried it myself though.
Hope this helps you, Addy.

Oh my goodness! Thank you Pierre and Mama for the great advice! Im gonna write it down. I think that you are right in the fact that I let ppl control my mood, particularly my children who are very young still. I tend to dwell on things I can't change and then I start to spiral down and feel dark inside and hopeless. I really appreciate your responses;) Any books u could recommend on this topic?

Addy, I have small kids too. Another key is to find some "mom" time. My out of the house thing is hockey, I play on a women's team in the area. It helps. But I am also on meds for depression. With it, I feel normal and happy.