Write Your Heart Out ツ discussion

My goal is to upload portions of my story one to two times a week.

I would like to add that I'm looking for honest feedback so I can improve my writing. :)

Ok! I can try to do that!

I love honest feedback to. So I can help critique honestly to.

"I am not sure of this. However, if you ever go against her plan, she will force you back on track. So yes, I imagine she would have tried to stop you from walking all the way into the ocean." Zed pulls a sack down from a low shelf, opening the top and pulling a squirming bug from it. Zed pops it into his mouth, sucking on his fingers. "So, you had an objection to the life she gave you. You found it...too compelling, yes?"

"A little. It's like...it was like my life's purpose was taken away from me."

"Kayona does create a very tempting life for the people who end up here." Zed lifts his shoulders in an awkward shrug. "The people who do stay here are very happy because they do not realize they are being manipulated. You fought her. You are much stronger than you realize."

She swallows. "I guess I do want answers but this life...it's already finished. Putting me in the middle of it is the same as starting at the end of the movie." She sits back up. "But that doesn't really matter now. What matters is how do I get back to my real life?"

Zed shakes his head. "I am unsure. No one has tried to go back before."

Rory deflates in her seat, the creature on her chest stirs and reforms itself. A chill runs through her as the creature leaves her chest open to the cold. "So. I can't leave."

"It would seem that way."

"But why would Kayona even want me to stay? What's the point of manipulating me to live this life she's laid out for me?"

Zed hesitates for a moment. "She needs you."

"What do you mean? Why would she need me?"

"I have been told that her power stems from the people she keeps here. The more people who are here in Limbo, the more powerful she is. She watches over people in your world keeping a close eye on certain situations. And when the right moment strikes, she puts you in your dream life she created."

"You said that people who end up here are from an accident they had."

"This is correct."

"But no one else has ever tried to go back to their old life?”

"No, as life is so easy in this world. Their dream life is here and they can just settle in and not lift a finger." Zed leans forward. "If all the people she has in this world go back to their old lives, she'd be weakened."

"So, all I have to do is to convince people to fight."

Zed chortles and shakes his head. "Your ideals are...they are uplifting. But Kayona would never let that happen. And she has created the ultimate dream world for these people; it would be hard to get them to leave."

Rory exhales and taps a finger against her lips, a thoughtful look on her face. "I'm the only one that's fought her so far. But that's only because she...killed Zach." Her breath hitches in her chest and she takes a deep breath, exhaling with her eyes closed.

Zed nods. "This is how Kayona tries to manipulate people. She not only does through a dream life; she also uses fear. She will do everything in her power to make you submit. Because she needs you." Zed stares into the fire, his fingers rubbing a piece of his robe. "That is how she keeps all of us under her rule. She has my family locked away underground. If any of my people disobey her in any way, she will kill our families. One by one, in front of us."

Zed pulls his hood back, revealing a disfigured face. A long scar etches its way across his face from one corner of his forehead to his mouth. Rory’s mouth drops before she catches herself and closes it. One of Zed's eyes is milky white. The scar wrinkles as Zed talk; she tries hard not to stare. "Kayona took my eye when I tried to free my family. And as punishment for my insolence, my father was taken from us." Sadness covers his face and Zed throws the hood back on.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Silence pervades between them and Rory clears her throat. "So, what can I do? How do I get back?" Frustration builds up in her chest and she gets up, pacing the tiny room. "I want to go home. I don't belong here."

Zed's fingers twist around themselves while he watches her pace. "There might be a way around that."

Rory's head whips around to stare at Zed with amazement. "How?"

“You will need to stab her-”

“Stab her? I have to go up against the woman who runs this land? And who has managed to kill Zach to force me to stay here? Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“Would you do anything to go home?”

Rory rubs a hand over her face, her frustration raking the edges of her skin. “Yes, anything besides going up against Kayona.”

“Fine.” Zed sighs and heads to the trapdoor. “I will be right back—I must consult with one of our elders for another solution.” He ducks beneath the door. Rory continues to pace the tiny room, her mind whirling at the thought of having to kill Kayona. She looks down at her hands. Her fingers are clean, cuticles and nails manicured and painted coral. She tries to imagine what it would be like to take someone’s life with these clean hands. Sweat gathers in the creases of her palms and she rubs the image of killing someone on her robe.

Zed’s head pops through the door and he grins. “There is a solution for you to go home. But it will include drastic measures on your part.”

“Killing Kayona, you mean.”

Zed hops back into the room and nods. “Yes. Are you willing?”

“What did I just say? I can’t fight her. I can’t just kill someone. Plus, how can I even fight her? You tried to fight her and look what happened to you. You’re disfigured and she killed your dad. So, really what are my chances of survival if I go up against her?”

Zed hesitates and Rory listens to the scurrying of creatures away from their angry voices. “Not very good.” He wrings his hands. “But there is help.”

“Awesome. Who can help me do it?”

“You misunderstand. When I say there is help, I meant that you will still have to do the stabbing but there is a ritual.” Zed paces back and forth in front of Rory, kicking up little clouds of dust. “Kayona is an animorph. You have seen her transform from a raven to a human, yes?” Rory nods. “She is weakest while in the midst of her transformation, this I have been told by the elders. We need to capture her and perform the ritual to turn her long enough for you to stab-”

“So you’re expecting her to just let us capture her so we can perform the ritual?” Rory chuckles until the bubbles of laughter overflow. “Yeah, I can really see Kayona doing that. I mean, she’s so understanding.”

“There is a chance. If we surprise her-”

“Surprise her? Do you really think we can surprise her? That she won’t see it coming? See us coming for her? She runs this land—I’m sure she’ll know when someone’s coming after her.” Rory walks around the tiny home before shoving her arm out, knocking several books to the floor. “I’m not supposed to be here. I want to go home. God, how is it this hard? You’d think there’d be tons of people wanting to leave this place once they realize what it is.”

“I told you before, people like it here. They don’t realize they’re being manipulated by Kayona so they have no reason to leave. And, they also did not fight through Kayona’s power. She also killed your beloved. I believe his name was Zach? Why would you be willing to let his death go unavenged?”

Her stomach drops at Zach’s name. Her heart contracts painfully and a tightness spreads across her chest. She put a hand to her mouth to contain the bile and she sits down, her eyes staring off into space. Her heartbeat thuds in her ears and she closes her eyes to shut everything out.

“Will you do it? This is the only way for you to go home. Zach would have wanted you to go home. He would have wanted you to do this. Will you do this in his name?”

Rory looks at Zed with her mouth agape, tears burning the corners of her eyes. “How-how can you say that to me? How dare you use him so I’ll be your puppet instead of Kayona’s? This is disgusting.” Her chest heaves in anger.

“You said you would do anything to leave here. This is the only way for you to do it. Kayona took your Zach away and you are willing to just sit there and not do anything about it? I thought you humans were brighter than this. I have heard that humans believe in something called revenge. Are you not the same?”

“You’re asking me to do something that I have never done. Asking me to just put aside the feelings I’ll have after doing something like that. Kayona is strong. Really strong. And I’m supposed to be able to fight and kill her so I can go home.”

“But you are the one who has to do it.”

“What do you mean by that? Who said I’m the one who ‘has to’ do it?” Rory narrows her eyes at Zed. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“You must understand. This…you are special.”

Confusion ripples through her. “What? In what way?”

“You are the only person I have seen break through her power.” A doubtful expression raises Rory’s eyebrow. “No really. As a fledgling, I have heard many stories about one person coming to Limbo to help free us.”

“And…you think I’m that person?”

“Yes.” Zed’s single flame-blue eye brightens.
“Exactly. The legend says-”

“There’s a legend on this?”

Zed nods, his voice rising in excitement. “The legend says when Kayona has utter control over Limbo, there will come a person who can walk through her power and will help free us from her reign. You are the only one to bring light back to Limbo.”

Rory blinks and considers the story for a moment. “You’re saying that I’m the only one who can rescue all of you?”

“Yes.”

“But…what if I can’t do it? What if I fail?”

“That is impossible. It was written this would happen when Kayona took control and now you are here to help free us. It is happening as it was foretold.”

Rory scoffs. “I can’t believe you’re basing this all on a story you were told as a child. It’s a story.”

“That may be. But I put my faith in you. I believe you are the one to help us. All of my people will be behind you if you help us.”

Rory steeples her hands in front of her mouth and drops them to her sides. “No. I’m sorry but no. This doesn’t make any sense. I don’t believe it.”

“I am telling you this is possible. You are the one.”

Rory runs her hands through her hair, frustration prickling her skin. “Please stop saying that. Do you know how much pressure that is? On me?” She paces the room and rubs both hands over her eyes. “I can’t be your only savior. I-”

“But you are. Why are you so concerned you are not?”

“Because I don’t want to be the one. I don’t need a group of people believing me I’m the only one to save them.”

“What did you do back on your plane?”

Rory opens her mouth to add another protest then stops herself. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Just answer the question.”

“I…I was on track to being the senior project manager at my company. Why?”

“You had people rely on you, yes?”

“Right but they weren’t relying on me to kill anyone. Or be their savior and free them from the tyrannical rule of a crazy woman!” Rory heads for the trapdoor.

“Where are you going?”

“I…need to get some air.” Rory steps down and reaches the tunnels before Zed catches up to her. “Let go, Zed. I need time to think.”

Zed chuckles. “Where?”

“Outside, of course.”

“If you go outside, Kayona is going to find you. And if Kayona finds you, you will be dead in a blink of her eye.” Zed drops her sleeve. “I do not want to see that happen to you.”

“Why? Because I’m the one who has to save you guys? And you’re worried if Kayona spots me now, I’ll be on her hit list so you’ll be down one savior? Well, at this point? Who cares? At least this way, I’ll just be done.” She continues down the tunnel, unsure of her footing in the dim lighting.

Rory collapses as Zed tackles her from behind, holding tight to her legs. “I am not allowing you to go outside so you can be her fodder.”