Writing Workshop discussion

Greetings!

I am in the process of publishing (for the first time) one of four completed projects and need your input.

Over the past few months I have struggled to write at least two solid paragraphs to use for my novel's blurb on Amazon and this is what I have come up with:

"A frightening and paralyzing experience leads Ivan Franco to search for the truth behind recent haunting apparitions of a strange woman and two children. Doctors dismiss these episodes as sleep paralysis. His continued encounters with the ghostly woman and children push him to the edge of sanity and he seeks additional medical attention.

During a routine test, an extraordinary event leaves a team of medical professionals baffled. The renowned sleep disorder specialist Dr. Noemi Ochoa, a highly educated woman with a particular interest in parapsychology and the possible link between the unconscious mind and paranormal activity, joins the group to further the team’s efforts.

Ivan and Dr. Ochoa together will uncover the bizarre connection between mysterious deaths along a corridor that stretches across over six thousand miles and his recent horrifying experiences."

Please feel free to shred it to pieces if it needs it, but I would truly appreciate constructive criticism.

Best Regards,

Ruben Avilla

Hey Ruben. I really like the blurb--it makes me want to read your book, which is the main point of the thing. However, I feel like you haven't completely found the voice of it yet. I feel like you might be being too specific: "Doctors dismiss these episodes as sleep paralysis . . . and he seeks additional medical attention." What if you said something like " . . . and two children. A doctor's misdiagnosis and the continued haunting push him to the edge of insanity"? Also, "During a routine test, a team of medical professionals is left baffled." This implies that there is an event that causes the baffling, but you don't have to put the word "event" in the blurb. One more suggestion: I feel like your description of Dr. Noemi Ochao is a little too drawn out. Why does it matter what she is interested in? Focus on the more exciting aspects of her personality so that the reader is drawn in. Great work so far; let me know what revisions you decide to go with!

Samuel J Crippen

Samuel, thank you, these suggestions are great!