Womankind Worldwide Book Group discussion

Were you a single mother during the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s?
Did you incur any negative backlash?

I was raised by a single mother in the 60's and 70's. I'm not aware of what sort of backlash my mother might have faced. I do remember as a school-child feeling very different from my schoolmates. I was always aware of which other kids were in that same "camp" with me, and I do remember noticing as I progressed through high school that the numbers were increasing and feeling less like an oddball because of it.

In my book, BETHANN, her son went through similar situations by the other students, and his teachers.
Bethann fought for her son and helped him to get through the attacks.
Thanks for your post.

I became a single parent in the late 1970's. I lived in a village in Wales. Most people were kind and sympathetic. I can count on one hand those who treated me like dirt; one was a local shopkeeper of the only grocery shop in the village, he would throw my change across the counter at me. It was quite mortifying. Having researched the ways women suffered in the past for the 'sin' of being pregnant and unmarried, I consider myself fortunate that I did not go through what they did.

Thank you for your story. Here's a scene from BETHANN that might interest you. Bethann just found out that she's pregnant and this scene is her first visit with her doctor.

On Monday evening, January 10, after Channa and I closed up the shop, we walked together to Dr. Susan Cameron’s office. Neither of us said a word. My mind was too anxious about how the doctor would treat me as a single mom and what my pregnancy would be like. Since making the call for the appointment, I’d skimmed every book in the store about pregnancy.

One of the many things I learned is that not all pregnancies are the same. The sections I read that scared the heck out of me were the stories about complications and the tragic accounts of women who had a miscarriage. As devastating as it was to lose my father, mother, and Danny, I didn’t know if I could survive losing this baby.

The first thing that impressed me after we were buzzed in was how the reception area was decorated. You could tell it had a woman’s touch. It was immaculate, uncluttered, comfortably lit, and pictures of gorgeous babies and pregnant moms adorned the walls. The receptionist behind the desk greeted me with a smile and pleasant voice. “You must be Miss Dunlap.”

The word Miss reminded me of Dr. Grant, but any annoyance was gone as she continued. “Congratulations on your pregnancy. We’ll do everything possible for you and your baby. Is this your first?”

“Yes.”

“Well, my name is Gabriel, and I’m here to help you. Now, before you see the doctor we have a little business to take care of. I’ll need your insurance card, and you’ll need to fill out these forms and questionnaires.”

“Certainly.”

Gabriel handed me a pen and a clipboard holding several pages of questions, releases, and insurance forms. In turn, I handed her my insurance card.

Gabriel took the card and immediately said, “Yes, you have excellent coverage. I’ll call to verify your account while you work on the papers. There’s no rush. The doctor is still with the patient who came in before you.”

At least ten minutes later, I handed the clipboard back to Gabriel. She looked the papers over immediately. “Very good, Miss Dunlap. You have exceptionally readable handwriting,” she said with an unusually congratulatory tone. “Sometimes it’s impossible to read what the mothers write. Then the doctor has to ask them to translate their chicken scratch, which takes time, and the other patients get annoyed because the doctor is late for their appointment. Well, here’s your card.”

“Thanks.”

Just then the door that I assumed led to the examining room opened. Another patient who appeared to be in her late thirties entered the reception area, looking very happy, and very pregnant. I approached her with my hand extended. “Hello. I’m Bethann.”

She accepted my hand and replied softly, “I’m Sheila.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Sheila. If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question.”

“Sure.”

“This isn’t your first pregnancy, is it?”

“Heavens no. I have five more at home—three girls and two boys. I hope this is another boy, so we have an even split.”

My knees felt weak from the thought of trying to look after, feed, clothe, and nurture so many children. Sheila must have recognized my look of shock and amazement. “I come from a family of eight,” she said with a high giggle. “My husband and I adore our kids. We’re not sure if we’ll go for number seven.”

“Did Dr. Cameron deliver all your children?”

“Oh yes, I wouldn’t trust any other doctor.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear.”

“Bethann, is this your first child?”

“Yes.”

“Well, don’t worry. You’re going to be in excellent hands. Dr. Cameron’s been practicing for over twenty years. She’s dealt with every situation. She’s smart, and she’s sweet. And if you’re reading books or magazine articles about pregnancy, don’t let them get to you. Every one of my pregnancies was different. It’s a special time. Always appreciate the fact that your future child is inside you and depending on you. You’ll remember these months for the rest of your life with the sense that…well, it’s just a miracle. Yep. That’s the best way to describe it. It’s just a miracle,” Sheila said with a smile that exuded motherly accomplishment.

A nurse opened the door to the examination room. “Miss Dunlap?”

Sheila’s smile vanished instantly. “Oh.”

I couldn’t help looking into the eyes of the woman who only a few moments before had been so happy and supportive. I wanted to say something, but didn’t.

Sheila hesitated. “Well…”

I smiled. “Best of luck to you and your baby.”

She looked perplexed. Without saying another word, she finished buttoning her coat and left. I couldn’t help noticing Channa shaking her head. I winked at her, and she threw me a kiss for luck.

I turned to the nurse. “Am I the doctor’s last patient for the evening?”

“Yes,” she said as though she was glad her long day was about to conclude.

“Well, then, let’s not make her wait. I’ll follow you.”

The nurse took me into the examination room and said, “Miss Dunlap, the doctor will join you in just a moment.”

“Thank you.”

I reached inside my purse for my list of questions. As soon as I sat on the examination table, the doctor entered the room. She looked like she was in her early fifties. She had shoulder-length hair, a very pretty face, and a trim figure covered by her white doctor’s coat. She was examining my paperwork before she looked at me and said, “Welcome. How are you?”

“Pregnant, and happily so.”

“Excellent. I see you have a list of questions for me.”

“Yes.”

“Well, let’s take a look at you first. When the examination is finished, I’ll give you all the time you need to go over the questions.”

“Dr. Cameron, with all due respect, I’d like to ask you one question before you begin.”

“Sure.”

“I’m about to be a single mother. Will that have any influence on your treatment of me?”

“Miss Dunlap, you’re not the first single mother I’ve attended to.”

I kept my eyes focused on hers without saying a word. Then she responded with a question of her own. “Will you promise to love, care for, and cherish this baby?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then you’re the perfect mother for this future child, regardless of your marital status.”

I couldn’t help showing my feelings with a smile. Dr. Cameron returned my smile, and I felt instantly at ease.

“Bethann Dunlap. That name isn’t exactly common,” she said as she began to examine my eyes, ears, nose, throat, and glands. “One of my favorite writers goes by the same name. I adored her first book, A Reason, and her second book, Leave It to Geezer. But her third book, Turmoil, was absolutely outstanding. Are you related to that writer?”

“No, I am that writer,” I said as I extended my hand. “Nice to meet a fan.”

Dr. Cameron accepted my hand. “You’re my first celebrity patient. Would you mind autographing my books?”

“Mind? No, I’d be honored.”

Fifteen minutes later, Dr. Cameron made a few notes on my folder and said, “Everything looks perfectly normal. Please follow me to my office. We’ll go over all your questions.”

“Thank you.”

I found myself smiling. A celebrity? No, that word won’t apply until I make the Times best-sellers list. No, that’s not true. Even then, I’ll just be a writer with good luck, not a celebrity.

Dr. Cameron’s office was as immaculate as her waiting room. Her degrees hung on the wall behind her. Surrounded by the diplomas were gorgeous photos of babies. It made me wonder what my baby would look like. She must have noticed me admiring the photos, because she said, “Some of those babies are now mommies and daddies. I’ve been in practice for a long time.”

“That’s very comforting to hear.”

“Well, let’s get to your questions.”

“First, when am I due?”

“When was your last period?”

It took me a few moments to answer that question. Then it clicked. It was before my birthday and the first time Danny and I made love. “It was late September.”

Dr. Cameron took out a calendar and starting counting weeks. “That makes your due date about the first week of July. Didn’t you notice how long it was since your last period?”

“Actually, I did. But I just excused it to the stress of my fiancé’s death.”

“I’m terribly sorry. You have my condolences. He must have been very young.”

“He was very young and very wonderful.”

“How sad. I can appreciate how much this baby must mean to you.”

“Thanks.” I could feel myself starting to get extremely emotional but didn’t want to burst out in tears.

After several questions, between those I asked and the questions Dr. Cameron asked me, we had covered almost all the items on my list. I was down to the last and most exciting question. “Dr. Cameron, when do you think I’ll first feel my baby’s movements?”

“Oh, that has to be one of the most glorious feelings a woman can experience. You can expect it around sixteen to twenty-two weeks into your pregnancy. It is normal for women to first feel fetal movement in the second trimester. The baby’s first movement is often referred to as quickening. It may feel like soft tapping or butterflies just above the pubic bone. Some women confuse the experience of fetal movement with what is actually gas and lower gastrointestinal bowel contractions. However, when your little one gives you a swift kick to your bladder and you have to search for a bathroom, you’ll be positive it’s the real deal.” Dr. Cameron smiled. “Any other questions?”

“Yes, where are the books? I want to keep my promise.”

Dr. Cameron went to the bookshelf containing her personal reading, not medical books. She handed them to me one at a time. In the first two books, I just wrote, “It is always a pleasure to meet with and talk with a fan.” In Turmoil I wrote, “I based this book on stories told to me by people who survived perhaps the most horrific treatment of one human being against another. Let’s pray the world never relives that horror. With gratitude for your care and understanding, and with appreciation of my work, Bethann Dunlap.”

Dr. Cameron read the inscription immediately and simply replied, “Amen.” Then she wrote a prescription. “Fill this as soon as you can. I firmly believe my future mothers should maintain a proper diet with vitamin supplements.”

I took the prescription. “I’ll start them tomorrow. Dr. Cameron. I’m so glad you’ll be my doctor. You were very patient and professional with me. I think you’re a credit to your profession.”

“And you to yours. See you in a few weeks. Gabriel will set up the appointment.”

“Thank you again.”

“Feel great. If you feel anything abnormal, call me immediately.”

“Absolutely.”

Channa was still inside, putting on her coat, as I stepped outside into the cool air. Dr. Cameron’s voice stopped me. “Bethann, I came outside to talk with you as one woman to another, not as a doctor to a patient. Is that OK?”

“Certainly.”

Dr. Cameron paused before speaking. “I mentioned that I had other single mothers as patients.”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t tell you…I didn’t say…”

I could see that Dr. Cameron was upset or angry. “Dr. Cameron, if you would rather not—”

“I have to. I must tell you.” She paused again. “Each of those women confided their worst and most atrocious experiences as a single mother. Some had hateful notes left on their front doors. Some were refused jobs. Some young single mothers were refused scholarships. The prejudice doesn’t come from just men. It comes from women as well. How can people be so cruel? No one has the right to hurt you the way they hurt those women. Don’t let any of those bastards get to you. I’m here for you—and your baby.”

I couldn’t help hugging Dr. Cameron. “I’ll remember what you said and heed your advice.”

Dr. Cameron went inside as Channa came out. Channa must have noticed my huge grin. She said, “I guess that went well.”

“A hundred times better than I could have imagined.”