The Hopefuls discussion

Right guys please help out

I have two best friends and I love them both to pieces don't get me wrong I just feel unwanted by them

I have told them this before an they have apologised and tried to stop it but it just happens

They have a really close bond and I'm still one of there best friends I'm just not as close to them

And it kills me because it's them 2 and I'm on my own literally I have no friends but them

And I feel like even they don't want me

It's making me feel so alone and upset

I see snapchats and stuff of them together all the time and just breakdown because they are together again and I'm not there

I wouldn't call it jealousy because I'm never annoyed I just feel unwanted

It's not their fault it's mine cause I have no friends

I need loads of support at the moment but I feel like I'm not wanted by them so I don't talk to them and no ones aware why I'm so upset all the time

I don't know what to do ???

Please help me !


Love you

Libby x x x

Heyy Libby! I think everyone feels like this sometimes (I know I do) and it's horrible, so *hugs* :( But it definitely doesn't mean that we actually are unwanted! I think it's just part of human nature to be insecure sometimes and to think that people prefer others over ourselves. When that idea gets into your head, lots of little things upset you and it's very hard to change the way you feel. But I'm sure that your friends love you very much too! The fact that you've been able to talk to them about it is really good, as is their apologising and trying to fix things. Try to let them know again that you feel upset and that they're your two best friends so you'd like to be able to do more things together. Try to suggest more things to them to do at weekends etc.- you can invite them places too! I always find that really hard because whenever I feel alone or unwanted, I think that people don't want to do things with me so I don't want to come across as overbearing or annoying by asking them. But if you don't ask, you don't get and you'll just carry on feeling lonely. Know that your friends are likely not doing it on purpose and they probably don't realise how upset you are- sometimes people just hang out because it's spontaneous or they're near each other or whatever, doesn't mean they wouldn't like you to be there too. Obviously saying "don't let it get to you" is pointless, but try not to read too much into the Snapchats and things. But friends should never make each other feel like that, so if they don't make an effort to fix things, or if they ever leave you out maliciously or intentionally, then that's not okay.
Part of they problem may be that you're relying too much on those two as your friends. Make an effort to get to know new people, don't feel insecure because you feel unwanted by these two. There are plenty of friends out there for everyone, we are all different so we each bring something new to a group (haha cheeese). It's so much easier to make friends when you're young, especially if you're kind and approachable. Try chatting to new people at school (if you're at school), and if you join a club or start a new hobby you'll meet tonnes of people! You could also try getting in touch with any old friends to see how they're doing :)
It's really important that you have somebody to talk to when you're feeling upset. Let your two best friends know, but have you told your family or anybody like that? Hopefully they'll be able to cheer you up and let you know that you are loved. When you feel lonely, I find it helps never dwell on it, do something you enjoy to take your mind off it- escapism is good hehe. Remember that you are a wonderful person who deserves to feel wanted! :P I hope it all works out, let us know! (Sorry, I've rambled loads haha. Bored). Loveee xxx

Hey, Libby!

First, please know it's never your fault if you don't have many friends, and it's very normal to feel alone and unwanted.

Seeing as you have already talked to them but this is still happening, try to talk again, point out that it's still happening and you feel excluded. Try to make plans together if you can.
(I'm assuming they leaving you out is not intentional. If it is, let them know it's not okay and if it continues, try to stop hanging out with them. It would hurt a lot, but in the long run it's better than feeling unwanted and there are always new friends to be made.)

Remember, we’re always happy to provide company and friendship if you need it. :)

Never ever feel unwanted Libby. If ever you feel alone and like no one cares please remember you have us. Okay I'm just a face on a screen with lots of writing but we still care!

I used to feel a lot like that when I was in school and to be honest sometimes I still do with some of the girls from work as they are the only people I know around where I'm living. It does get better though I promise.

What hobbies do you have? Could you join some groups or new activities? I'm sure you could make new friends there. I'm not suggesting you ditch your friends now I'm just thinking if they are going to continue to leave you out at times and make it seem like your unwanted (whether they mean to do it or not) it's always nice to have friends outside of them aswell.
Like Zahro said could you try and make plans together of stuff to do. Even if you text them that morning and say "fancy doing this today/tonight".

Like I said you've always got us aswell :-) *hugs*

I was stuck in this situation and the first thing I have to emphasise is this:
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. YOU ARE NOT A BAD FRIEND IN ANY WAY. YOU ARE NOT WORTH LESS THAN THEM IN ANY WAY. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE THEM AND ISOLATE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU THINK THEY'D BE BETTER OFF.
I'm not saying you would - however, that's what I did, and of course (and here's a shocker) it just made everything worse for me, which therefore affects the people around me. Granted, I didn't do that because I felt left out, but...that's not important.
You've talked to them about it. That's a start. Talking to them about it is the first step and while it may seem trivial - I don't know you; you may be quite extroverted for all I know (in which case, not gonna lie, I'm pretty envious :P) - it's SO important.
But I did that too. Not WELL...but I did it (social interaction isn't exactly my strong point, if you haven't already guessed, so my advice is probably pretty much worthless). Nothing's changed? Same here. Nothing changed. One of the girls said to me "When I talk, it's UNIVERSAL - it's not just to *insert name of other friend here*". Of course, this was pretty much the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard in my life as it blatantly wasn't true in this situation.
What I would recommend is, if you haven't already, going a bit further and telling them that you feel unwanted because of their behaviour and that it's not very meaningful friendship if it's affecting you in a way that makes you feel worse about yourself. If even after that nothing changes, then trying to enter conversations more. Try and be there when one of them is down. Try and enter conversations by chipping in with something meaningful. See how they take it. If they include you, then that's brilliant, and over time hopefully this will improve things. If they disregard you, then to be honest they're not good friends for you. In all honesty, it's better to have no friends than to have meaningless friends.
I really hope somewhere amongst this spattering of worthless opinion/personal story there's actually a glimmer of something you can take from this that might help, and I'm sorry that I'm no good at this! <3 Xx

Hey there! I have just set up a project called Letters of strength. I'm having some problems getting the word out there about it and am wondering can the hopefuls help me. Carrie inspired this project and I am hoping that the rest of the hopefuls out there can help me get it started. Letters of strength, is a project where I want to write to people. I'm offering people to write to me if they need a helping hand or encouragement. I have set a facebook page and am asking ye to go onto it and read the description and see what it's all about. If ye would share the page I would be so grateful. The Facebook page is called "Letters of strength". For some reason I can't link it to ye here but please search it and like it for me. I really want this project to work out so I figured the hopefuls would be the best way to get it out there. Thank you so much! :) xox

Hey, Rebecca, that sounds awesome! :)
What does the project entail? I'm just curious; it sounds amazing! :)

Hey :) so I have always written letters when I'm feeling down or having an off day. I have been doing it for years and have a collection of unanswered letters hidden in a locked box in my room. But I never get any reply or any words of hope back. I have poured my heart out into these letters and never got any guidance afterwards. Although I love my letters and love the weight that I feel has lifted afterward, I always wanted someone to answer me. So for the letters of strength project I am going to answer peoples letters in hope that I can help others. I'm asking people to email me if they need any help or even if the just need someone just to say that it will be okay. I ask you to include your address so I can write a letter back to you filled with strength and hope. My email is lettersofstrength@hotmail.com. Thank you for taking to time to read this and I hope you will share my Facebook page :) xox

That's absolutely amazing! :)
I actually don't have Facebook, but what I CAN do is tell people about it - still sharing it, just manually! :P
Seriously though, what an amazing initiative. Good for you! :D

I just told a few people about it. I mean, it won't reach many through me, but heck, I'll still try :)

Thank you so much :) that really means a lot to me :) xox

No problem! Means a lot to me that you're doing this :)