Writer's Advice and Feedback Group discussion

Hey guys, I know you all probably get asked to read a lot of stuff, especially with school and stuff but I would really really appreciate some feedback on my book. I'll add a link and if you would like to add feedback then you can message me personally, put it on here or put it on the book link itself.

Thank you so much guys!

https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/...

Amy wrote: "Hey guys, I know you all probably get asked to read a lot of stuff, especially with school and stuff but I would really really appreciate some feedback on my book. I'll add a link and if you would ..."

Hey Amy! I don't have much time currently, but I will read it and get back to you with some feedback! :D

thank you Cindy, I appreciate it :)

I see you've added more chapters! Glad to see that you're still continuing your story :D

Thanks Ali! Mind taking a look at them? :)

I just read the last three chapters and it's getting really good, Amy! Keep up the great work :D

Your dialogue is so smooth and easy, and I love how there's no insta-love between Aidan and Evelyn but there's still a hint of a romance to come(thank GOODNESS there's no insta-love. That just put you above over half of the YA author community). Your descriptions are also well written. The whole thing, really, just seems very well-thought out. Bravo, bravo

Two things I would suggest:
First, I noticed a couple of comma splices in your writing. Those are hard to caught whilst you're writing, but keep your eye on the lookout when you edit.

She has a point, we’re all feeling hungry now.

Then we all cleaned our clothes and bodies, I found bathing in the middle of nowhere with the tree’s as my audience strangely refreshing, I wonder if my Dad ever had to do this as a Collector.

We break for some food, Talia comes and sits with me, resting her head on my shoulder.

Zach sits with Evelynn, she smiles at him sadly and in response he touches his chest.

(Those were just taken from the first couple of paragraphs from chapter 7)

Also, I think you should make your POVs sound a little different between Evelyn and Aidan. Being a dual-POV narrated story, I think it's really important to juxtapose Evelyn and Aidan's voices. Here's a link I think will be helpful: http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-b.... (this is for dialogue, but I think it can also apply to inner narration)
Give them each vocal tics (phrases that are unique to their character) in their narration (ex: What the frig. Stupid me. Aw, shucks. etc)

Sorry if I made this too long. I just think your story is so great and promising, and I couldn't help myself from going a little overboard! *sheepish grin* Anyway keep going! Awesome job Amy :D

Ali wrote: "I just read the last three chapters and it's getting really good, Amy! Keep up the great work :D

Your dialogue is so smooth and easy, and I love how there's no insta-love between Aidan and Evelyn ..."

you're like a pro editor Ali. Haha. Can't wait to ask you to read my stuff and critic it :) It'll probably be in the summer though when we all have time :P

Haha thank you Cindy! I would definitely love to read any of your writing anytime! :)

Aw Ali, thank you so so so soooo much!!! This is exactly what I needed! I'll try and so through with the commas - it's just so hard to see on your own work, y'know? And I've always thought about their different voices, they're similar characters so I do need to change their thoughts so thank you a lot for that link! You're incredible:)

It was really no problem at all Amy! You're welcome XD

Amy wrote: "Aw Ali, thank you so so so soooo much!!! This is exactly what I needed! I'll try and so through with the commas - it's just so hard to see on your own work, y'know? And I've always thought about th..."

your writing is awesome.

By the way Cindy and Amy, I renamed the "Your Writing" folder to "Talk about Your Writing", and I also moved the NaNoWriMo topic to that folder. (Just to make things a little bit clearer to new members)

Cindy ♥ wrote: "Amy wrote: "Aw Ali, thank you so so so soooo much!!! This is exactly what I needed! I'll try and so through with the commas - it's just so hard to see on your own work, y'know? And I've always thou..."

Thank you very much:)

Ali wrote: "By the way Cindy and Amy, I renamed the "Your Writing" folder to "Talk about Your Writing", and I also moved the NaNoWriMo topic to that folder. (Just to make things a little bit clearer to new mem..."

okay! That's better :)