Reader with a Cause discussion

In “To Scratch, Claw, or Grope Clumsily or Frantically,” Roxane Gay describes her experiences as a competitive Scrabble player and her “nemesis” Henry. In their first encounter, he acted in an unsportsmanlike manner - refusing to shake Gay’s hand, rolling his eyes, all with anger rolling off him. Gay describes her reaction:

“Male anger makes me intensely uncomfortable, so I tried to sit very still and hoped the uncomfortable moment would pass quickly.” (39)

She describes a situation that likely resonates with most or all women: being in a situation with a man whose anger is disconcerting - and not knowing if this behavior will escalate.

Did this passage resonate with you? Why or why not?

Out of all of the essays in Bad Feminist this one really stuck with me. I vividly remember reading it.

Anger is an unusual things. Sometimes we are told it's okay to be angry. Other times we are told to get over it. And particularly as women, we are told that our display of anger is inappropriate, uncalled for, displays us as [insert bad word], controlling, etc. However, if a man is angry "it's okay."

Anger displayed by men is often dismissed. How often do we hear of two guys getting in a fight and we brush it off as "Boys will be boys." Or we see interviews with neighbors/friends/family when a man has used physical violence and they say "He was always such a nice guy" or "There are two sides to the story."

In past events, even if the anger is directed toward another person in the room, male anger has made me uncomfortable. I think this has prevented me in the past from stepping in to any situation because of the possibility of escalation. I feel like as a woman, society has taught me to appease the male. As a society, we also have to teach men that there are alternative ways to display in emotion without violence (physical, emotional, mental, etc.).

Have we taught men that anger is a tool of power? A tool they can wield to get others to cooperate or surrender. Have we taught men to substitute anger with sadness or tears?

I sometimes wonder if there is any correllation between male aggression and the suppression of emotions in males? Men are taught to 'be a man' when they feel pain, meaning to suppress their feelings. If a boy gets hurts, he is told to 'man up' about it, and no one is ever supposed to see a man cry. If a man does, he is considered a 'sissy.' Perhaps, some of the anger men display is nothing short of pent up emotions that have no conduit for escape. This does not make it legitimate in any means, but it might shed light on a possible cause, thus creating an eventualy answer. I can only hope.

There's actually documentary on this, The Mask You Live In, it features a number of experts and professionals in the fields od psychology, sociology, media, neuro science and more discussion how the narrow societal gender views affects young men and boys and how society can raise future healthier generations of young men and boys. There is also a female gender sterotype documentary done by the same people title Miss Representation.

Both have been done very well.

When I worked at Walmart, I was threatened to be killed because of an error in the company, not me. Fortunately, Walmart has codes for that and I stayed safe, but when I read about Henry, I was reminded of that terrifying experience. When I hear about such experiences with other coworkers, they always had them with men too. Women, in my experience, USUALLY just ask for a supervisor.