Our Shared Shelf discussion

Hello!

I will proudly and loudly declare myself a feminist in front of any person I know, but there's often a problem I face and that is people's judgemental opinions when I tell them I'm a feminist and I think we need gender equality.

A lot of times people will either laugh at me or look at me like I'm crazy, simply because I speak out when I hear sexist comments or I hear things that will only move the world backwards, not forwards, which is the complete opposite of what we want. Earlier this week I heard girls in my class refer to certain toys as 'male toys' and that was quite upsetting as there is no such thing as male toys, because toys are for all genders. I told them why I don't think we should refer to toys as being for either males or females, but they gave me a bad look and told me to stop with the feminist stuff and just accept that things will always be this way.

I've heard the 'All feminists are crazy people who hate men!' argument used HUNDREDS of times. Every single time, I've tried to make sure these people understand that that's not the case. Feminists are not crazy people who hate all women. Feminists do not want women to have it BETTER than men. Feminism is about gender EQUALITY, not women having better lives than men.

My way of dealing with these judgemental opinions is simply by telling them why they're not correct and by letting them know what feminism actually stands for.

I'd love to hear what you lot say or do when you hear these things.

Ardit xx

(Please remember to follow the group rules. Be kind to one another and about the people you're writing about - do not use their real names!)

I think that if you care about it you're not a true feminist. No offense! Do what you want and forget all the blabla.

(I'm sure there can be more developed answers but if you do what I've just said it will be enough ;) )

I always try to explain that feminism represents gender equality, but often people don't understand this and keep saying that feminism is about men hate. Also, some people tell me that feminism is just for women, and I try to explain that is about human beings treating each other equally in order to have a better world.

Adam wrote: "I think that if you care about it you're not a true feminist. No offense! Do what you want and forget all the blabla.

(I'm sure there can be more developed answers but if you do what I've just sai..."

You're a true feminist if you believe in gender equality. Nothing else!

Ardit wrote: "Adam wrote: "I think that if you care about it you're not a true feminist. No offense! Do what you want and forget all the blabla.

(I'm sure there can be more developed answers but if you do what ..."

You're a true feminist if you do your best for gender equality. I believe in History and I'm not a historian. This thing that if you believe in something you are that thing is bullshit and hypocrisy.

Rafael wrote: "I always try to explain that feminism represents gender equality, but often people don't understand this and keep saying that feminism is about men hate. Also, some people tell me that feminism is ..."

I think the last part is why HeForShe is really important. A lot of men are afraid to call themselves feminists because they think it's a woman-only club. But it's literally for everyone. For children, for teenagers, for older people, all between the ages of 0-99.

The more we let people know feminism is for everyone, the closer we are to reaching our goal of having gender equality all around the world!

Adam wrote: "Ardit wrote: "Adam wrote: "I think that if you care about it you're not a true feminist. No offense! Do what you want and forget all the blabla.

(I'm sure there can be more developed answers but i..."

I don't understand how caring about what others think of you takes away your right to call yourself a feminist. I hope that every feminist tries his/her best to achieve gender equality by treating everyone well and equally, whether they're students in school, bosses taking care of their employees or just parents.

You are a feminist if you, according to your capacity, do all the things that you are able to do in your life in order to bring gender equality to this world. That's what I meant. And if someone tells you that you are doing the wrong thing, laugh at him and tell him he is an idiot. And move on.

That's obviously not what I meant.

I just said it somewhere else, but still... Everywhere, but especially in this group, we have to remember that there is no 'true' way to be a feminist. If you believe in gender equality and identify as a feminist, you're a feminist. We're all individuals and as such none of us can judge other's brand of feminism.

As for the original question, I think it depends on the person you're discussing with.
If you're talking to a person who's willing to listen to you properly, acknowledge your points and answers respectfully, I don't think you have to convince them no matter what. It's enough to have a pleasant conversation and plant a kernel in their minds.

But if you're talking to someone who won't actually listen to what you say, there's really nothing you can do. It's very clear when someone's not listening to/reading your points, but are just ignoring them and keep repeating the same thing over and over again. If someone does this, I'd just make my point and move on. They have no interest in hearing what you say, and you can't make them listen no matter what.

I appreciate what you are bringing to the table here. I, too, find that when it comes into conversation, feminism that is, often people won't want to talk about it, or address it. I think it is something that should be discussed. It has been ignored long enough. That's a great thing about this book club and the opportunity to connect with like-minded people. Recently I was speaking to a dear friend of mine, we've been friends almost for life and she's very intelligent and well-read. She mentioned that she had no interest in the 'feminist' things I posted on Facebook but she appreciated my photographs etc. The 'feminist' things she is referring to are articles or quotes that I post maybe every week or so. I was saddened by this and frustrated because her reason for having no interest was that she believes there's no need for it and that there is equality and that feminists go 'to far'! This from an intelligent, close friend. It reflects how much of the world views Feminism. Another dear friend, a male, admits that only recently, through discussions with me and reading articles etc that I've shared, has he come to understand the significance of the feminist movement. I don't think remaining silent is the answer.

I agree Albania. We can not let our voices be silenced.

When I speak about feminism with people that doesn't really consider themselves as feminist, I often tell then that if they think men and women are/should be equal, they are feminist. That is a very, very simplified and lacunar definition, but it is in order to show how simple it is, or should be. Of course that is only my definition, but I think it is important to remind everyone that we should all be feminist, and that it doesn't mean having to run around burn bras and hating men.
But even people who defign themselves as feminist can have prejudices : about priorities, about carrying too much about details...

I coudln't agree more with Ardit : feminism is for everyone, and we will never say it enough.

I write the kinds of stories that Emma should DIRECT. They all star strong women.

In these stories, the women are not invisible.
In these stories, the women are not merely love interests, wives or girlfriends.
In these stories, the women are not damsels in distress waiting for rescue.
In these stories, the women don’t show their strength by copying male strength, with bows and arrows, or light sabers, or Ninja combat skills.
In these stories the women don’t play Girly Girl, solving murders using hair care products like Elle Woods.
These are women, and girls, who live their lives with FEMALE STRENGTH.
With brains, and guts, and trickery, and compassion, and imagination, and friendship, and laughter.
These are women from their teens – lots of teens – through middle age and into their seventies.
These are stories starring women of all stripes, including an African-American woman of 40 and a Latina who went for a ride with the Kiowa out west.

• A WWII nurse runs a camp full of traumatized children who survived the Holocaust, and needs to try to heal them before the Army shuts down her camp and scatters them across Europe.
• A hard-drinking housewife runs an underground railroad for the hunted survivors of domestic violence, until her own husband begins hunting her down.
• In the 1880s a female reporter shocks the world with her daredevil exploits, but she struggles to find a place in a world designed by men.
• A widow and her partner build the elopement capital of America in the 1930s, and are overcome by horny teenagers, angry parents, and their own love-hate relationship.
• The tiny world of a Kentucky preacher’s daughter is transformed when a gay bartender and a mobster invade her town to open a gay speakeasy in the 1920s.
• A midwife gallops across middle America as a spy for George Washington, hoping to run a few more missions before the Tories catch her and hang her.
• A young schizophrenic girl is forced to visit the big city to find a missing mental patient – and the girl is way, way off her medication.
• A young African-American mother has a front-row seat as the titanic Mississippi flood of 1927 leads to a massive clash between blacks and whites – which the blacks won.
• A teenager takes to the streets of Manhattan to prove that her mobster uncle is innocent in a shooting.
• An actress helps build a Shakespearean theater group and actors all across town join up – bringing all their romantic baggage with them.
• Two detectives board a nonstop train to New York, one to protect a murder witness on the train, the other to kill the witness – but neither one knows who the witness is (STILL IN PROGRESS).
• In 1880 a Mexican girl stumbles into a job as U.S. Marshal in a New Mexico town, tames the territory with her own unique methods, and has a sweet, complicated love story with the local sheriff – who is married (STILL IN PROGRESS).

So...come on, Ems! Pick one and let's shoot it!

I think whenever someone acts negative towards you or says something negative to you because you say your a feminist you just have to know that you stand solid in your views and beliefs. I often get embarrassed or begin to talk quietly if this happens because I don't want to seem disagreeable or unlikable, but then I remember how important it is to me to stand up for the people of this world. Feminism is a cause that I will stand with for the rest of my life until the issues are resolved.

Personally, I try to educate where I can, and ignore the ones who refuse to listen, and only want to spread hate.

Emma Watson

I want to share an incident that came in the news today...

In the South of India, there are priests who are not allowing women to enter their temples. This appears to be highly unjust because everyone has a right to PRAY to God. God is for everyone, right?

But another matter of pride is that the women were fighting back. They were entering the temple to defend their right to pray.

#WESALUTEWOMEN

Dhriti, wrote: "Emma Watson

I want to share an incident that came in the news today...

In the South of India, there are priests who are not allowing women to enter their temples. This appears to..."

Could you please post a link here regarding that particular news?

Ardit wrote: "Hello!

I will proudly and loudly declare myself a feminist in front of any person I know, but there's often a problem I face and that is people's judgemental opinions when I tell them I'm a femini..."

Hi Ardit,

this is my personal opinion, i hope it helps you:

i just dont bother to tell anyone whats my porpose on earth....firstly, noone cares and secondly, if they do care, most people take this as a challange.....the less you actually TALK about your plans, the easier it gets to accomplish them....hihihi...its true, try it

Bingo!

Lee wrote: "Ardit wrote: "Hello!

I will proudly and loudly declare myself a feminist in front of any person I know, but there's often a problem I face and that is people's judgemental opinions when I tell the..."

@Lee its a good opinion and very good advice.

I deal with it the same way you do

I think the best way to deal with people who don't understand feminism is to speak to them and try to give them information- most of the time they just don't know anything about this issue. If you try to explain them and they keep on judging you (or they just disagree) I think there is not much you can do, you just try to make them see this issue and its consequences through your example. I hope I'm making myself clear, english is not my mother tongue :B

Julieta wrote: "I think the best way to deal with people who don't understand feminism is to speak to them and try to give them information- most of the time they just don't know anything about this issue. If you ..."

I agree with you. I like to think that I am an educator when it comes to feminism and social justice. I tell people what something is about and explain why something is not true. That is the best you can do. You do need to say something and speaking about about issues is important, but if they are not going to truly listen and they refuse to hear you then there is nothing more you can do. However, your speaking out can make a different in their future, just not right now.