Writer's Aid discussion

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Roses are red
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet
And you said I was too.
Gaining my trust
To break my walls down,
Making me smile
When I wanted to drown.

Spilling my secrets
Whilst you kept yours,
Expressing my issues
You masking your flaws.
But your lies were well hidden
Your footsteps erased,
As you pulled at my heart strings
Wires frayed and debased.

Now the lilies have fallen
The foxgloves dropped dead,
As your hands squeeze my heart
And you messed with my head.
The truth all a tangle
You trapped me where I stood,
Manipulating my movements
Denying everything you could.
You twisted my sentences
To let blood bleed red,
Feeling no pain yourself
But letting me cut instead.

But a world without flowers
Is not where I want to be,
So maybe I should escape now
Before I crave your company.
Picking dead leaves
Gravestones breathed out,
Slitting my wrists
That's what this is all about.
Losing a battle
With myself and the world
You spurring me forwards
So I just gave up and left.

That was great Alice, so creative I loved the rhyming style, my favorite was at the last line should've rhymed with world, but instead you just let it end just a straight Statement. I felt that was pretty powerful.

Just reread it, still fantastic

Wow Alice! This is marvellous! I agree with TessaMarie. It has a deep meaning, and I love such poems :) Please continue writing such poems.

Thanks guys. Any advice of how I can improve it?

The only Thing I found a bit off was the line "
Before I start to crave your company. " I'm not sure what exactly is wrong with it it just sounded a bit off to me. Maybe there is a sylable to many or something. Other than that I found it fantastic.

Okay thanks. Ill think about that and try to sort it out.

ive edited that line, is it any better?

Yeah I like the new line, and the lines you added to the section above. I love this poem

Thanks. :)

Love it love it love it, that's all