'oh' I say aloud. I've done it again. I check my pockets for any evidence of what has happened in the last couple of hours. Phone and a food wrapper. Brilliant. My surroundings aren't very helpful either. I usually find myself in these places. Always in the country without a soul in sight. One time I regained my consciousness and had to squeeze my clothes dry from standing in a reservoir. Other times I have come round holding sticks or metal poles or stones. It happens when I'm stressed. I feel as though I'm forgetting and cant function in a straightforward pattern. It becomes difficult to talk or complete simple tasks. Then there is someone else there. Someone else thinking for me, talking for me, moving for me. I hear their thoughts and can't control my own. I'm looking in the mirror and there is someone else in my skin, mocking me and then they push me away and then I don't remember. There are many days that pass that are somewhat ordinary. There is work, school, family, friends and sleep. Other days are not so ordinary. Some days I enter another world. A world of confusion and a warped reality. Sometimes i remember but mostly I forget. I wish I would forget all the time. This is my secret. This is my burden and my punishment. This is the recipe for self-obsession and it is frightening.
I check my pockets for any evidence of what has happened in the last couple of hours. Phone and a food wrapper. Brilliant. My surroundings aren't very helpful either.
I usually find myself in these places. Always in the country without a soul in sight. One time I regained my consciousness and had to squeeze my clothes dry from standing in a reservoir. Other times I have come round holding sticks or metal poles or stones.
It happens when I'm stressed. I feel as though I'm forgetting and cant function in a straightforward pattern. It becomes difficult to talk or complete simple tasks. Then there is someone else there. Someone else thinking for me, talking for me, moving for me. I hear their thoughts and can't control my own. I'm looking in the mirror and there is someone else in my skin, mocking me and then they push me away and then I don't remember.
There are many days that pass that are somewhat ordinary. There is work, school, family, friends and sleep. Other days are not so ordinary. Some days I enter another world. A world of confusion and a warped reality. Sometimes i remember but mostly I forget. I wish I would forget all the time.
This is my secret. This is my burden and my punishment. This is the recipe for self-obsession and it is frightening.