Young writers discussion

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Thank you! :D

Okay so this next story is something I've been working on. It's still needs lot's of work but here's the prologue:


2006
She wore her hair in braids. Two of them. With little blue ribbons on the ends that were interchangeable to her eyes. Eyes that sparkled with mischief, and glowed with intelligence beyond her years. Eyes that saw more than they should.
Her long, dark cherry braids whipped behind her as she ran across the cobblestone patched street. Chasing after the ball that was kicked too hard in the wrong direction.
While all the other seven and six year old kids stayed on the soccer field; too frightened to run after the ball into the on going traffic, she didn’t hesitate. She ran with fast, steady steps. As nimble as a cat.
The other children stared, mesmerized by the girl with the two braids and glittering blue eyes as she dashes after the ball; over potholes, and past the parked cars lining the side of the street.
To be frank, so was I.
Finally the ball slowed in its escape, allowing the little girl to pick it up and hold it over her head in victory. The crowd of children cheered. Clapping and yelling their congratulations. They were all too happy and too focused on the girl to notice the dark blue Volvo speeding too fast down the narrow street.
The driver was to distracted with his phone, to notice the seven year old girl standing in the middle of the street, holding a black and white ball over her head.
And the girl with the red braids and blue ribbons, was to caught up in the excitement and cheering of the other schoolyard children, to see the dark blue death machine heading straight for her….
The girl turned and faced her destruction. The world went quiet. Muffled. I watched, amazed, as the little girl relax her shoulders and give a subtle tilt of her head; then the Volvo hit her, and the world filled with chaos.
Shouts for help, screams of terror, cries of horror, the small schoolyard filled with all kinds of noises. But that little girl with the blue ribbons just rested there, quiet as a mouse, not moving.
It’s my job as a Keeper to move souls from this realm to another. It’s the same job every Keeper has. That’s why for many, many years, I’ve seen life drain out of many different people. Some where old, young, black, white, people with blond hair, others with brown...et cetera. It’s all the same. They all die. Why would this time be different?
Yet somehow it was. For some reason i’m unable to explain the depth of my inner desire to save that small child. Maybe it was her all knowing blue eyes, or maybe it was her courage to chase after that ball….but maybe...maybe it was when the blue Volvo was right about to hit her; she did nothing except for accept it. All I know, was that when I saw that little girl lying, crumpled on the ground, her own blood pooling around her, I couldn’t let her die. I wouldn’t. So that very day I did something that a keeper is only ever allowed to do once.
In the cover of shadows I make my way to the little girl; like a ghost, none can see me. I walk past adults who’ve come from their homes to investigate the noises. I walk past children that stand stiff, eyes fixed on the young girl. I walk past the blue Volvo, where the driver still sits in the front seat, gaping at what he’d done.
Then finally i’m there.
Kneeling over her I see what I couldn’t from my other standing point. Her eyes, once a brilliant blue, are fading into a dull shade of murky blue, as the life drains from her. Her dark cherry braids, now messy and undone, are soaked in a deeper red than is natural. And her body. Oh her body! Once strong and as nimble as a cat, in now mangled and crushed. Legs displayed at an odd angle. Middle caved in on itself. Her entire body looked like a broken doll with nothing but the skin to give it the appearance of togetherness.
Looking away from the little girl’s broken body I turned my eyes to hers; expecting her to already be gone.
She wasn’t. Her eyes still fading were focused on me. Waiting. I scrunched my face up in confusion, unable to understand how she could see me if she hadn’t crossed over all the way yet.
She blinked slowly. Her lips twitched as if she were trying to say something; but her lungs had been crushed in the accident so I knew she wouldn’t be able to. Then she stopped...and I knew it was time.
Her eyes completely faded, looking, but not looking at me all at the same time. Her small bow lips parted in a final gasp. I take out my stela and draw the rune a Keeper is only ever allowed to draw once in his lifetime, and only when it’s absolutely required for the greater good—which, to be honest, wasn’t why I did it at the time—and I drew the life rune. The rune that would again fill her lungs with air, and heal her body.
Right on her left temple, I draw the rune I was taught so many years ago. Its looping design glows for all of three seconds before fading and disappearing into her tan skin.
Just as I hear the ambulance cries, the girl’s murky blue eyes began to sharpen back into their formal glory. With that; I turned from the healing girl and walked away.
As I began to leave I noticed a small blue ribbon resting a few feet from the girl’s body; it’s color a perfect match to her eyes. I pick it up, and before I can think about it, stuff it in my pocket...