Writer's Aid discussion

Hello. Here is the first chapter of my Manuscript. Happy to receive any comments or suggestions. Thanks!

www.cicad.oas.org/mem/distribution/In...

I really like your writing so far. I haven't read all of it yet, but I sure plan on doing so.
I think it might be a good idea to try to change the first line a bit, since I find it a bit long and 'from a balcony in the mansion' just doesn't seem right. Then again, I'm not the best writer myself haha.
Looking forward to reading more :)

Thank you for your comment. I will post the next chapter in a few days.

I'm looking forward to it :)

22 PAGES! I'm dying to know what happens next!

So, you liked it? :-)

Yes!

oh. Good :-) I plan to post my draft of Chapter 2 on Wednesday