Our Shared Shelf discussion

I definitely agree.

Stephanie wrote: "In the chapter on romantic love, bell hooks talks about love being an act of will rather than chance (starting on page 172). She makes this topic a decent chunk of the Romantic Love chapter, which ..."

This is definitely a point with which I very much identify. I try to choose language to discuss love that emphasizes "choosing" as opposed to "happens" or "falls in" because I really treasure the autonomy my decision-making grants me. It helps me recognize poor and/or stellar treatment in my romantic and familial relationships. My relationships are not products of fate or chance, they are products of the dedication and caring of everyone involved.

Stephanie wrote: "In the chapter on romantic love, bell hooks talks about love being an act of will rather than chance (starting on page 172). She makes this topic a decent chunk of the Romantic Love chapter, which ..."

I definitely agree, as it is one of my favourite bits (yes, I'm still reading). She does introduce it very early on in chapter 1.

It's important that we all view love in such a way because that promotes taking responsibility of our relationships rather than having a passive take where one just leaves it up to destiny without giving anything. Personally, I try my best to adopt this attitude, but its hard when you are already in a relationship and you are getting as much back.

Absolutely. Action is what makes things work. My fiancee and I have constantly talked about love as an action in our relationship. You cannot merely go by words alone. He always says that he will do what he says and says what he does. We have such a wonderful relationship because love is an action. Sorry kind of mushy :)

I've missed this thread before. Wise comments, everyone!

For me, realising the difference between 'falling in love' (a rather physiological reaction involving hormones and the brain) and 'loving' (all those decisions to invest every day in the relationships, be they romantic or not, in a steady and quiet manner whilst understanding the immense power of compromise without forgetting self-care) was the day I think I became a 'real adult', not just on paper.

I have to agree with all of you. There is a big difference in "falling in love" (implying that it is like fate, you can't do anything against it) and "loving"( using it as a verb shows that it is something we can and have to do.)

We have to know that love is not only chemical, biological( falling in love), but also that it is an action. We have to embrace and let flourish this capability.

"Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike." Dumbledore

"What do I care how 'e looks? I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show is zat my husband is brave!" Fleur

"Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." Dumbledore

"To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever."

Stand by Your Partner, in Sickness and in Health.

Aglaea wrote: "I've missed this thread before. Wise comments, everyone!

For me, realising the difference between 'falling in love' (a rather physiological reaction involving hormones and the brain) and 'loving' ..."that is just so wise and excellent, aglaea.

This is wonderful - may I share this post to my 20 Facebook friends with you credited please
.Sorry speaking to Aglaea with description of love

Love is what makes human beings great. It is a very powerful and strong group of emotions between which the power of will is one of the main engines that make relationships of all kinds work. Understanding is another key to love as it is essential for being able to adapt ourselves to every situation with an specific person. Love is what makes people care for each other, wanting your friends, family and partners to evolve spiritually, to overcome obstacles and be better humans; Love is what makes people get over their differences and work in what they have in common; Love is what you put before the ego; Love is what makes people stronger in their relationships; Love is what makes the world a better place to be because it makes better people.

Karen wrote: "This is wonderful - may I share this post to my 20 Facebook friends with you credited please
.Sorry speaking to Aglaea with description of love"

Share away :) Send some good karma with it, too <3