Our Shared Shelf discussion

So, hopefully it's okay that I'm adding this feed, and I realize that it's April and a lot of people have already read this book. However, I know, a lot of people had a hard time getting a hold of this book, and maybe, like me, they are just now getting a chance to read the book.

So, I'm opening up this thread, because I looked, and could not find a Finished the book thread for this book, and I've really enjoyed that for the other two books. I liked that you were able to just see what people thought about the book. Right now the closest thing I can find is the thread about the religious aspects, and another thread about not really being into the book. I liked the book, so it didn't seem appropriate to add my review of the book into that thread.

I had no idea what to expect when this book was announced. I had a vague memory of hearing the name Bell Hooks, and knowing it had a feminist connection, but I couldn't remember where I had heard her name. I just remembered her name. Then I read threads about people finding religious aspects to be off-putting, and I felt very wary, because I dislike when I feel like I am being preached to.

I was very pleasantly surprised by this book. I think it's interesting that some people find this book to be outdated. I felt like it was very relevant- particularly the sections about greed. I feel like that is so true, with how the gap between the poor and the rich is becoming a chasm, and the gap between the rich and the middle-class is also becoming much bigger. The majority of the wealth in this country is in the hands of not very many, in a very big way right now. So, her assertions on greed really spoke to me.

I was really glad that I ended up not being able to get a library copy and having to buy my own copy, and that only paperback (no e-version) was available, because I ended up marking up this book a ton! I underlined, and I wrote in the margins. There was so much that spoke to me.

On a more personal note, reading this made me feel really grateful. I was happy as a kid. I took it for granted. Then I went off to college and the more that I met other people, the more I realized how lucky I was. How truly amazing my parents were, and that they didn't drop baggage on us, or play immature games, or so many other things my friends and acquaintances would tell me about. And throughout time, as I went to grad school, and then went into the workforce, and met more and more people, that same message came home to me so strongly. It seems like so many people that I have met have had parents who did not make them feel loved, or did not treat them well, or were not supportive, and I just thought- I am so lucky. My parents made me feel loved, and appreciated, and taught me to value myself and to expect others to value me, and always supported me. When I became a mother myself (almost two years ago!), I really realized how amazing my parents are, because I realized how hard it is to be a parent, and it's even harder to be a good one. I really hope this doesn't come off as bragging, it's just, that this book hit that message home even more for me. I just said goodbye to my parents, they visited me for a few days, and I only get to see them a few times a year because we live so far away from each other, and I was reading this book before their visit, and finished a few days after they left. So I was already thinking about this, and as I read this book, it just brought it home for me again, that I am lucky.

I also found it really interesting to read this as a younger woman (31), and reading Ms. Hooks descriptions of earlier times, and the attitudes of men, well it made me appreciate how much work the feminist movement, and women like Bell Hooks and Gloria Steinem have done for the women of the world. I have benefited from that in a lot of ways, but I never really realized the obvious way that I have benefited, in that a lot of men my age approach things in a different way than their fathers and grandfathers did. Most of the men my age, THAT I KNOW PERSONALLY, are much more open to talking about love. They are interested in being equal partners in childrearing, and many men are open to sharing domestic duties as well. I realized I have always known that I am lucky in my marriage, that my husband and I have been very happy together and are a really great team. Before him, I often chose men that weren't great for me, and I experienced a lot of the feelings that Ms. Hooks was talking about. I am lucky in that I feel very fulfilled in my romantic relationship. One of the lines that I underlined was, "In actuality, true love thrives on difficulties." Fall of 2014-Summer of 2015 was an incredibly tough year for my husband and I. We had just had our first child, and we both ended up having awful years at work, we were both miserable in our jobs, and we had not been before. It was one of the hardest years of our lives as individuals and as a couple, but we got through it together, and we are even stronger now than we were before. We didn't feel like we were thriving, but our true love helped us get through the difficulties.

I am worried that this post will be taken as bragging, but that is not my intention. I want to speak to, and explain that this book not only touched me, and spoke to me in a lot of ways about what is going on in the United States right now, but it also touched me personally. It really made me appreciate what I have in my family, and in my marriage. That is saying a lot, as I tend to be someone who does not take those things for granted.

The last way that I connected to this book, that I wasn't expecting, was I connected as a mother. I have found that, since becoming a parent, it has shaped how I respond to things. That's kind of an obvious thing to anyone who is a parent, but I wasn't expecting how completely is changes your whole world. So, as I was reading about her childhood, and the ways that, even while given care, she wasn't given love, I was reading it as a mom, and kind of checking my parenting against it. My son is still young, but of course I want to be a good mom- in the normal sense, that I want him to be happy, and feel loved and be successful. I also want to raise him to be aware of racism and sexism and how they still affect our society, and teach him to be a good ally to people of color, to women, to the disabled, to LGBT, etc.

I am feeling very nervous as I post this, because I have pored a lot of myself into this post because I connected so strongly with this post. In my other reviews on OSS I have been a lot less personal, and I specifically haven't posted any strong opinions about anything or referenced what is currently going on in the world right now. I have had the unfortunate experience that when people do not know you on the internet, and they disagree with something you've said, they don't feel that you have to be polite. I have been very heartsick when I have been attacked on the pages of trusted friends by someone that I did not know, whom did not know me, and attacked me without asking me to clarify my viewpoint. So, I'm going to stop rambling and be brave, and hit post....

Danielle wrote: "So, hopefully it's okay that I'm adding this feed, and I realize that it's April and a lot of people have already read this book. However, I know, a lot of people had a hard time getting a hold of ..."

Your post is indeed very inspiring to me who has technically just started life having graduated last year. So thank you for posting and sharing your views - they are uplifting. I know and hope for things to get better for myself in my practically non-existing romantic and professional life.

Now on to the book, I agree with all of what you've said. I am only half-way through having just started it last week. Ms. Hooks words ring true to my own ideals and viewpoints for the most part, so its an enjoyable read. Plus, she makes you think and question, which is what I think makes a lot of the readers uncomfortable as they are not used to eloquent and bold writings on love, spirituality and what not. All of which is in contrast to daily lives of most people. My life, like yours, is similar in the sense that both of my parents provided a loving atmosphere throughout my whole life. So in this sense, I could see the truth in Ms. Hooks words. Of course, there have been problems in our lives. A lot of them actually. However, my parents never let them affect their treatment of us. In fact, their elegance and strength only proved a lesson for us.

At this point in my life, I can only hope to not those lessons go to waste. It has proved especially hard over the past year to the point where I'm doubting my ability to provide love to my own family in the future. For this reason, Ms. Hooks words were especially enlightening and provided clarity to the past, present and the future. Now, all I need to do is translate these ideals into change - a transition.

Easier said than done.

Fiza- thank you very much for your kind words. I'm glad to hear that my post made a difference to you. I hope you find confidence in your ability to provide love to others in the future. The fact that you are concerned and care means that you have a high chance of being successful in my opinion. I wish you all the best luck in that!

Danielle wrote: "Fiza- thank you very much for your kind words. I'm glad to hear that my post made a difference to you. I hope you find confidence in your ability to provide love to others in the future. The fact t..."

Thank you Danielle =)