Writer's Aid discussion

When eighteen year old Mason Creed shoots his ex’s new boyfriend, he realises he can’t live with the pain of her hating him. So, like all irrational teenagers, he uses the same gun to put a bullet in his brain; killing him instantly, despite it feeling like forever. His lack of remorse and list of depraved sins sends him straight to Hell; directing him into Caïna of the ninth circle of Hell and home of betrayers. Despite being filled with ice; the perpetual threat of the Devil and his fiery wrath consumes everyone. He could take anyone at anytime, for any reason. No one comes back the same. But outside that, it’s great - one hell of a party, if you don’t mind the pun - better than life; he can what he likes, screw the consequences. Not that Mason ever cared much for the consequences anyway.

It’s here he meets Angel; a rogue Demon who he’s immediately drawn to. With spiked pink hair and numerous nose piercings, she’s everything Kelly’s not, and yet a constant reminder of his ex. But with Kelly still at the forefront of his mind, directing his every action, he denies the feeling; arguing with the one girl he actually likes whilst dating almost every other girl in Hell.

Returning his remarks with the incense which continuously seems to burn within her, Angel presses for more information relating to Mason’s death; yet offering no answers to his questions in return. Consistently irritated by Angel’s insistence to understand why he was sent to Caïna when every other suicide’s been sent to Violence, Mason pushes her away; working his way up the social ladder of the Demons. That is, until two Angels fall from the Heavens and straight into Mason’s path. Mason who wouldn’t have cared - would have enjoyed torturing them as they screamed for mercy just like every other Demon in Hell - if one of them hadn’t had been Kelly; his ex-girlfriend. Decked in white and as beautiful as ever, she pulls at Mason’s heartstrings; the heartstrings that were unwillingly tangled with those of Angel. Mason learns that she threw herself in front of a train, not long after his death, yet her repent managed to secure her access to Heaven - where she met the other Angel, Lucifer, preferably known as Luke.

Wanting to protect his newly reinstated girlfriend, Mason reluctantly enlists the help of Angel; the only Demon he feels would understand. Hating the seraphs from the off, she resentfully agrees to help them with why-ever they’re here so they can fuck off back to Heaven. Luke explains that they’d come to install some order back into Hell, as the archangels back in Heaven weren’t particularly happy about how it was being run. Angel’s completely against this, however Luke clarifies that he plans to overthrow the Devil, and with Mason’s persuasion she agrees.
The four of them stage the rebellion against the Devil, employing the use of Hell’s Demons under the guise that it was Mason’s idea, wiping out the Devil’s congress and imprisoning the Devil himself. This is the point where it was expected that the two Angels would return to Heaven; but instead Luke takes the throne, revealing himself as Lucifer, befallen Angel and Prince of Darkness. He discloses to Mason how Kelly was never really there with them; our protagonist just saw what he wanted to see, and the real Kelly was still alive back on earth. Aggravated, Mason’s inner Demon and thirst for power, pain, and destruction comes through; and he joins Lucifer at the centre-front of Hell.

On the first parargraph, second to last sentence i think you're missing a "do" because it only says "he can what he likes" at the moment, other than that it's very well structered and gives all the information needed whil still leaving thing to be written :)

Okay thanks. Does it sound okay as a storyline though? Any ideas instead of stuff?

The storyline seems to be fine, can't see any problems with it atleast nor can I see anything to add ^.^