Authors-Readers Connect discussion

Hey all! Let's get something started here.

I want you to post an opening line to your work in progress, or a different book, or anything you want. Just post an opening line, even if it's not published. This isn't a place for genre-specifics or anything. Just post!

I and others will critique and encourage you in regards to your opening line. Depending on how much interaction this gets, I may post more like this.

When in doubt, post!

Let's get the discussions started. I'll start.

From my W.I.P. entitled Under the Burning Sky

"The heavens were on fire; the sun was an inferno; the sky was burning.

Alleyways were dark and disgusting; they held all sorts of diseases and vermin. This Phoenix knew. But in the alleys, he felt more at home than anywhere else. All the darkness hid him like a thick blanket, keeping him warm and comfortable, even as he froze, leaning against a rugged alley wall. And so it was in this way that he stumbled alone down the concrete hallway of buildings, standing like tombstones that grasped towards him with their clammy, pale fingertips."

Questions:
1) If you had to guess, which genre(s) is this?
2) How can I improve this?
3) What did you like about it?

1) I would guess possibly a mystery genre. After reading the passage, something zombie-esq is in the back of my mind.
2) I'm not really sure. Possibly reduce the references to what is described almost like a hellish atmosphere. Both actually and figuratively. Sometimes the most powerful statements are some of the shorter ones. However, to each their own.
3) I liked the three references. "The heavens were on fire" and the "sky was burning" would be my two favorites.

Nice post David!

1. I would guess suspense/mystery.
2. If you like it, keep it. But I tend to agree with Drew, reduce the hellish atmosphere references. Is this literal or figurative? If literal, describe it in a more literal way; if figurative, describe it in more figurative way, but either way one is enough.
3. The description of your character helps me to understand the kind of person he is--he feels safer in the shadows, even if they're disgusting places to be. And he has problems.

I'll be back with my one-liner, but it needs work so be patient:)

I have to disagree, I think that it does a good job of setting up the atmosphere, which is one of the best ways of getting the reader in the story. But I do like a suffocating sort of atmosphere, that's why I like gothic stuff. I would say it's dystopian - so probably sci-fi, since dystopias tend to take place in the future. Also, the name Phoenix - surely some people are named that, but it sounds like a sci-fi or fantasy character name.

Since I guess we're not going strictly for the literal first sentence, I'll post the first paragraph from what I'm currently working on.

The travelling carnival had stopped in McColl, South Carolina. Tents and poles strung with lightbulbs went up like a small vagabond town, erected with insect-like efficiency in a matter of hours. The sun faded behind the pine trees, covering the world with an orange film as it made way for a purple, moonless night. The smells of freshly-popped corn and boiled peanuts glided through the air like radio waves. In less than an hour, the lights would come on, the calliope music would play, and everyone from miles around (except those who were against fun for strictly moral reasons) would be there.

1. My guess--Contemporary Fiction
2. --------------
3. You can see everything unfolding as if you were there in this small, partly bible-thumping town.

--Phil: A friend of mine came up with the name Phoenix and I loved it. It's very fitting in my opinion (but I'm the author so haha).

--Gaines/Groovy: Thank you. I will give it some thought. I appreciate your feedback. Very helpful.

1. Maybe Literary Fiction?
2. I would say maybe start with some dialogue or actions. The description is fantastic, but to snatch somebody's attention starting with the spoken word is good, even if you have to clarify things a bit farther down the page.
3. As I said, the description was amazing and really set the tone for the peace. I felt a type of homely, comfortable atmosphere resonating and enjoyed that paragraph.

If I may ask, do you have a title for this piece or is that still undecided?

David, I forgot to add that your book starts off with action and that keeps the eyes glued to the page--it's a good opening. I have to admit, I don't usually start off with action. But I like Phil's opening, too. His description of what's going on keeps your attention.

And I change my guess. It's seems more like David said, Literary not Contemporary...

I appreciate it, y'all. The main character, action, dialogue are in the next paragraph, maybe I'll take advantage of the WIP thread to post some. But I do appreciate it taken as literary - that's what I strive for, but I've recently realized what I am is what a good B-movie is to literature, haha. The book itself is contemporary, though, in that it takes place in modern day - is that the definition of contemporary fiction? (I'm not being funny, I tried to look it up and there seems to be no real consensus on what that means. Then again, same goes for 'literature.')

David - yeah, it's just called 'Spaghetti'

So, it IS contemporary. I had it right the first guess--darn!

lol... technically this part takes place in 1911, though. I will take literary every day of the week! To be honest, I don't think in terms of genre. I just have story and characters and write it.

Phil-- I'm not sure what contemporary vs literary fiction is, haha. I should probably figure out since I'm writing a book in one of the two categories. And I agree, it's better to just get a story and characters and write. Normally, it'll fall into a category naturally.

Groovy-- You win this time, but we shall see *evil wink*