Our Shared Shelf discussion

I smiled and laughed a lot during this read. Didn't agree with her on this and that, but really liked her humor. Thought the following book notes on how to experience relief and freedom would be helpful.

Accept your flaws and be a realistic doer.

Be someone who makes things happen rather than someone who lets things happen to them.

Teen memoirs are helpful to learn how much you've changed.

Going through the worst sort of experiences are actually blessings because they toughen you for whatever happens later in life - nothing seems as serious and you have more confidence that nothing will ever break you.

Find a mate who is "geeky, nerdy, polite" and will go completely bonkers unless you consummate your affections with him on a regular basis.

Grow some lady-balls and get it done.

If you're not muse material, it's okay. Just laugh it off or curse at your friends.

Express anger when things upset you.

Don't feel obliged to go along with what others do - you decide your destiny, especially if it involves spending a lot of money.

Stay away from topless bars.

Be honest with yourself. It's okay to be you, even if you did that thing you're never going to tell me about.

Ageing is okay, accept it. No need to doctor this and that.

Be polite. Maybe one day anti-feminists will be polite. Until then, use your most effective voice to strongly attack anti-feminists.

Rant about important issues, and it would be really cool if you decided to be laugh out loud funny about it.

Thank you, Emma. I love this book club.

Great comment Martin - love it!

Emma wrote: "Be someone who makes things happen rather than someone who lets things happen to them."

So much this.

I value a great deal people, who see opportunities - and grab them. Even more do I admire those among us, who boldly conquer new territory and create chances where there were none. I can't stand whining and negativity, when we can choose to turn something into something positive, and prefer to view what good has been already done rather than keep complaining about what is still undone. Walking through life choosing to see only the bad stuff rather than small victories is like a freaking black hole to me. It sucks life out of everything around it, when all that energy could be put into doing good instead.

Aglaea, Emma, Anita, thank you for sharing.

I have a thought management system that I created to help me guide myself. I use idea cards in the morning to be proactive about what I imagine and value. I buy empty business cards and write on them, then read about 20 every morning. Example: Imagine the day going great. Having a mission statement is important too. Mine: Write great stories that will improve yourself and the world.

I suppose you can put the idea cards on your phone or computer as a reminder for this and that.

You can choose to focus on the good stuff, and one thing that's helped me is the idea of having goals, taking massive action, making adjustments, and renewing/resting/restoring.

The last part about resting/renovating/refreshing is important. Try this the next time you're really tired: lie down, put the palms of your hands over your closed eyes, and focus on recuperating/renewing/restoring. Think of this exercise as working a new muscle - the muscle that rejuvenates you.

The other thing that has really helped me is what you talked about - removing the negatives. The key line/questions for me when I focus on the negatives: Focus all your energy on building the new change. And: How is your story/chapter coming along? How can you improve your novel? I also use Headspace.

Sometimes when I need to exercise or do something scheduled and I'm not in the mood, I say to myself, 'just give 20 seconds to it' and this often leads to good things happening - whether it's exercising or reading/writing.

Hope the above helps you. It's helped me get into relentless mode.

Emma wrote: "Aglaea wrote: "Walking through life choosing to see only the bad stuff rather than small victories is like a freaking black hole to me. It sucks life out of everything around it, when all that energy could be put into doing good instead. "

In the past, I have struggled with depression and anxiety and whatnot, and during that time, I did live my life only seeing the bad stuff. It is like a black hole, as you put it, and it is an awful way to live. With treatment for my depression and anxiety, I have realized how much better life can be if you put that energy into doing good, just like you said! It is incredibly freeing, and I love this comment/discussion thread and how it has brought up how to experience relief and freedom through ways such as this."

Oh, I'm so glad to hear you've found ways to manage the depression and anxiety! I've had minor depressions only, but it really takes you to a bad place :/ With that said, of course I wasn't talking about people, who are suffering from a condition of some kind, but merely those who are chronically negative without having any decent explanation for their poisoning of the surroundings :)

For me, the contents of this thread are all intertwined with not wanting to accept what the fashion police is telling me, or some other "authority", but I'm the boss of me. I have no intention of walking through life always feeling like I'm lacking somehow, not good enough, not doing enough, not measuring up when compared to others. No, let's compare ourselves to nobody else but us, because how could we anyway since everyone is unique?

Martin wrote: "Aglaea, Emma, Anita, thank you for sharing.

I have a thought management system that I created to help me guide myself. I use idea cards in the morning to be proactive about what I imagine and valu..."

Great comment in its entirety!

It reminds me of a loved one, who sometimes hasn't slept very well yet needs to get going in the morning. In the car, the music therefore is blasting and a fantastic cup of coffee serves loyally to boost the mood, too.

The option is feeling sorry for themself, hating life, hating mornings, hating work, not making lemonade out of lemons basically, but why choose that when there's the other option?

We do have power over a lot of what is going on, and I'm pleased you mentioned Headspace among others. I don't use that service, but something similar.