UB Libraries Book Group discussion

Discussion to begin May 23rd.

Let's commence our discussion of Rising Strong by Brene Brown.I confess I don't read a lot of this genre of books. I'm not even sure what you would call the genre. To me it's self-help non-fiction.

The subtitle on the cover puzzled me: the Reckoning, the Rumble, the Revolution. Until I read the book, of course.

What did you think of the approach of this book? Encapsulated in a way by the subtitle. Particularly her frequent use of the term "rumble"?

Hello everyone. I apologize for my lateness. This author is one of my favorites. In some way, I think she changed my life. I have always been authentic but I didn't know it. I wanted to fit in, be liked. As I grew older and experienced life I learned to appreciate the real me....the authentic me. I was worried that all of you would see this book as silly. I am happy if you reached out and read it. Even if you didn't like it or it didn't apply, I am glad to share part of my journey with you.
I have a new job now that I love and that I make a real difference at. I wouldn't have it and appreciate it unless I walked through the darkness that for me was UB. It just was a terrible fit for me. I was the ultimate outsider! The good thing is that I met all of you. I have read these books with humor, fascination and appreciation. Thanks and Cheers.

So, let's begin. My favorite passage is:

Experience and success don’t give you easy passage through the middle space of struggle. They only grant you a little grace, a grace that whispers, “This is part of the process. Stay the course.” Experience doesn’t create even a single spark of light in the darkness of the middle space. It only instills in you a little bit of faith in your ability to navigate the dark. The middle is messy but it’s also where the magic happens.

Does this resonate with anyone? What,if any passages or ideas did you enjoy?
Julie

I got the book late, so I haven't finished it. I did read the passage that you quote. I find it very true. I am quite religious, so for me, it is God that I feel helps me get through the dark. There are those who say like a goldsmith, God is watching most closely to pull one out when they have been cleansed of impurity. Rather than just making a person suffer.
What I have read so far, rings true but I believe I learned it through a life of experience and observation.

Thank you for sharing.

Julie -- I'm glad you'll still be joining us in the book club. I'm sorry to hear UB didn't work out for you. But I'm glad you found a new position that you like and feel comfortable in. Your high level of self-awareness made that possible.

Sometimes books like this seem to me to be common sense, but a common sense that not everyone can see at the same time or perhaps ever see. Julie, you hit the nail on the head when you equated this book with getting older and experiencing life, IMHO. As a woman of a certain age who has endured some chronic illnesses, including breast cancer, I arrived at a lot of the philosophies (not sure what to call them) espoused in this book while I journeyed through dealing with the adversity in my life.

So I think this book's value lies in its ability to persuade the reader to reflect on our own character traits, to be self-aware, and to be open to examining the experiences in our lives, in this case, mainly the challenging ones or the failures.

Agree totally, Ellen. You always put things so well. I believe that was what I was trying to say. :-)
Glad you will continue in the book club, as well, Julie.

First off, I have to admit that I am only half way through so far. I feel like the first 70 pages or so I kept getting distracted and had to keep re-reading. I also wasn’t connecting with her example of her swimming experience with her husband. Her thought process felt like such an overreaction to me that I couldn’t identify with it.

However, I'm getting more into the groove of the book now and I do agree that so much hinges on the narratives we create (for better or worse). I thought her experience sharing the room with the smoker/couch wiper was instructional; it made me cringe in the same way she did and I agreed with a couple of take aways from that section. I do believe that everyone is doing the best they can (even though it can be a challenge to keep that perspective when dealing with people who act very differently from oneself). This brings to my mind the Dalai Lama and his many words on compassion. In a much less elegant way, if I feel like I’m having a day where I’m feeling judgey about how the world around me is acting, this crass quote often comes to mind: “If you run into an a-hole in the morning, you ran into an a-hole. If you run into a-holes all day, you’re the a-hole”. Maybe I’m the real problem that day...time to self reflect a bit. :)

Julie, I’m glad you’ll still be joining us for book club and glad also that you’ve found the job fit that suits you! I’ll keep reading the book and likely post more later in the week. Thanks!

Kathie,
I like that quote. I will definitely keep it in mind going forward. :-)
I had to stop myself from judging the author. I started out thinking, my goodness, this woman is so self absorbed. Then I moved to, she is writing a book, trying to convey a message. Putting her thought process out there helps her to make her point.
Personally, I would have been thinking regarding the fight, what is the crime rate around here going to?
I tend to think along geopolitical lines. One of my favorite topics :-)

The thing about creating narratives is so true. This relates to the SFD (stormy first draft) thing, right?

I'm always amazed when my boyfriend or my siblings or whoever attributes motives to my words or actions that never crossed my mind. Yet I'm just as guilty of attributing motives to them that have no connection to reality. But they seem so true to me :-)

Relationships and even just acquaintanceships (is that a word?) are so complex. I agree with you, Becky, that the author seems self-absorbed at times. But I do give her credit for tackling such big issues.

One of my problems with these books is that I think the people who really need them will never read them. And for those who are receptive to them, it's sort of like preaching to the choir. But perhaps adding some extra insight, structure, etc. So perhaps that leads to the most impact. Hmmm, what do you think?

Ellen,
True, but one always holds out hope. :-)
I think with anything involving higher intelligence items, more research, more striving to understand can always lead to better and better outcomes.

Thank you so much for the good wishes. I agree that people who need these books, never seek them out. I am thankful that this author touched me and made me aware.
Thank you for sharing your insights. Love this group.

Me too. :-)

Has anyone read Daring Greatly by this same author? She references it a number of times in this book and it sounded interesting to me. I think she has a couple other titles too. Has anyone read those? Just wondering ...

I haven't but I was thinking the same thing.
Another thought occurred to me about the "darkness".
The old cliche, "It's always darkest before the dawn".
It tends to tell me this concept has been encountered before. :-)

On another topic, I will be leading next month's selection.
It is probably best classified as light, summer reading. :-)
I just got the audio version to refresh my memory. I would highly recommend listening to it, especially if the person has not read any of Terry Pratchett's other books. The inflections and pronunciations really help to fully understand the context and narrative.
Happy Reading!

Does anyone else want to comment on the swimming with her husband story? Kathy mentioned not connecting with it and I didn't either.

It struck me as such an elaborate, detailed explanation of something for which I could not see the point at all. It was obvious to me that the author felt this was a pivotal and insightful story. After all she opened the book with it and referred to it often. But since I never "got it" that affected my overall reaction to the book, which was sort of ho-hum.

I think I referred to this before, but it's my pet peeve with this genre of book. The author often repeats the same concepts over and over, in different places, possibly with slightly different spins, but they're basically the same, often basic concepts. And I get annoyed when the author refers to her earlier works. I know it may be no different from a fictional series where the end sets up the next book, but it seems more blatant to me. Sort of like encountering a commercial in the middle of reading a book.

I don't mean to be overly critical of this book, as it had a lot of good points. I'm just always interested to see if others react in the same way I do. Probably not :-)

I would be interested to hear what Julie thinks, as she has more experience with this author and her concepts.
For me, I "got" that that experience was pivotal to their relationship. She alludes to other behavior/scenarios that had played out between them in the past when they didn't communicate.
I understand perhaps it was eye-opening to her to hear what her husband/partner was thinking. That it was not a reaction to her statements or a judgement of her. That he had his own perspective on things especially in the moment rather than on a grand scale or in the big picture.
I haven't gotten through the whole book so I'm not sure where else she uses it.
I think the point she is making is don't take things personally, you don't really know what the other person is thinking. Be open to communication so you can find out.
Does that make sense?

Yes, Brene uses this quite a bit. It is all about looking at it from another perspective. I often use this and preface it with " I think I am hearing you say ......
It has opened me up with both personal and business relationships. I often just find people are distracted and it has nothing to do with me. Does that make sense?
I "get her" after reading her fourth book and going through her e-class on authenticity.

I have read all her books. I just love them. I refer to them often. My former boss from Moog gave me The Gifts of Imperfection. I was hooked!

Well, I'm finally almost finished with the book and I think my personal take aways remain the same from earlier in the week: strive to be compassionate and empathetic and try to maintain a perspective that considers every person to be doing the best they can. Sometimes difficult, but worthwhile goals.

While this book is outside my normal reading interests I do think it will stick with me a bit. Thanks for an interesting read, Julie.

Happy holiday weekend, All!

Have a nice holiday weekend everyone