Catholic Thought discussion

Chapters 6 & 7

Not being married or having any children, I did not feel as if these chapters spoke to me personally. I don't think there was any take away for me.

Chapter 6 “Some Pastoral Perspectives” indicated to me by its title that is directed more to the clergy. Pope Francis has an excellent bit of advice with “Marriage preparation should also provide couples with the names of places, people and services to which they can turn for help when problems arise.” When we got married, thirty years ago, my fiancé and I had one meeting with the pastor of our parish who married us. I must acknowledge that I had a somewhat familiar relationship with the pastor and when we met he told us that since he has known me for a number of years there wouldn’t be a need for more meetings before he married us. But I wholly support Pope Francis’ advice that marriage preparation should include information where to go for help, other than psychologists-marriage counselors that insurance services that may come with the insurance that your employer offers. I now see in our parish Sunday bulletin that a six-month notice must be given to the parish office about a planned marriage. I will relate a somewhat humorous story in connection with this. A couple that we are friends with recently got married in a Catholic Church after they lived together for a couple of years and already have a two year old daughter. Our friends called their local Catholic church requesting marriage ceremony within two months. The pastor refused advising them more time is needed to prepare. Our friend, the bride, called the diocese office with a complaint. The diocese advised the pastor and arranged to marry them as they requested. We were at the church wedding. Their daughter refused to sit back with the grandmother and insisted to be with the parents at the altar. The pastor remarked that what we were witnessing was a “ceremony celebrating love”.

It sounds as if your diocese and the pastor's remarks are exactly what Pope Francis has in mind in these pages.

Chapter 7 “Towards a Better Education of Children”

Pope Francis is asking if we know “about who is providing (our children) their entertainment, who is entering their rooms through television and electronic devices, and with who they are spending their free time.” He does ask the crucial questions “Where is their soul, do we really know? And above all do we want to know?” He is concerned that the new “’technological disconnect’ exposes them more easily to manipulation by those who would invade their private space with selfish interests.”

Time Magazine, April 12, 2016 issue, was devoted to pornography “Porn Addiction Is Now Threatening an Entire Generation”, subtitled “Mainstream researchers are waking up to the real dangers of porn” and describes a sad state of affairs with respect to young children and young adults and how exposure to online pornography has increased exponentially in the 21st Century. (Psychologists call pornography an evolutionary dead end preoccupation.) Children were given cell phones and computers at a very young age. I wonder how many of us parents are aware of the consequences.

It isn’t just access to online pornography as is the many other ways of use and misuse of the new communication media that became available—Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Ask.fm--and is still rapidly developing. A “New Yorker” May 23, 2016 article “Work It” (“Is dating worth the effort”) by Alexandra Schwartz looks at the dating and growing digital engagement especially among teenage girls and the social media scene. Her conclusion is that dating and courtship is laborious, marriage, just as they say is hard work, and falling in love is the easiest and effortless part. The writer gives examples of thirteen-year-old girls and boys and their activities on their powerful given new tools that are too raw to describe here. I don’t think that most of us parents are aware of what we sanctioned.

Pope Francis does urge us to work on better communication, “more personal and direct dialogue, which requires physical presence or at least hearing the voice of the other person.” I thank God we didn’t get into a texting phase in our family interactions and hope we never will. We see of course, as the Pope writes, “people apart rather than together, as when at dinnertime everyone is surfing on a mobile phone”.

I mostly skimmed these chapters as well. Pope Francis does give good advice, much of it common sense and directly applicable.

What stood out for me in chapter six was paragraph 204. This paragraph talked about getting together a network of lay people of various professions to help with the pastoral care of families. I know that both my husband and I could have used some “professional help” while raising teenagers. Getting advice and support from a professional with a catholic point of view would have helped immensely. Both our kids and ourselves had a rough going of it, but all is well that ends well. Perseverance and prayer helped a lot. I also think that it is very easy to feel alienated in a large parish, especially if not many programs are offered to the parishioners. At times, the sense of community is missing.

I think our diocese does a pretty good job of making services available through Catholic Charities and the Family Life Office. However, I am not sure most people in the parish takes advantage of these ministries.

I am wondering if the families who need help are even aware that there are ministries to help. Maybe something should be put into church bulletins to inform people.

Susan Margaret wrote: "I am wondering if the families who need help are even aware that there are ministries to help. Maybe something should be put into church bulletins to inform people."

Good practical idea and suggestion.

Very true. We do have links on our website to diocesan ministries, but rarely include them in the bulletin.