What I call the law of the “cookie-cutter” explains why so many of us have allowed ourselves to be unwittingly imprinted with behaviors and with patterns that are unhealthy and self-defeating. This imprinting is especially deep and especially difficult to overcome when it has occurred in childhood. This imprinting may also occur later in life. It may occur to just about any of us; it may occur either subconsciously or unconsciously. This imprinting may occur not only from love relationships. It may occur from any relationships that involve a certain degree of intimacy and of codependence, whether at home or at work.
From Missing Links, page 180
Our baggage What I have dubbed the law of the “cookie-cutter” describes the origins of the old dysfunctional, codependent, unhealthy and self-defeating patterns that we swore never to repeat. These are the “toxic patterns” that create “toxic relationships.” When we are children, we learn by role-modeling, absorbing the example of those who are in a dominant position. We do so just like a photographic plate absorbs light. We may do so unconsciously as well as consciously.
The law of the “cookie-cutter”
What we live › we learn What we learn › we practice What we practice › we become what we become › has consequences
When we enter into an intimate relationship we bring with us all our “baggage” of habits, patterns and behaviors with which we have allowed ourselves to be “imprinted.” I refer you to one of my favorite movies: The Story of Us, starring Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeifer. The movie is an absolutely wonderful and tender love story. It begins by showing how the parents are trying to hide from their children their decision to separate. It takes an unexpected turn when the couple discovers that they are both still deeply in love with each other.
At a certain point, there is an absolutely brilliant scene in which husband and wife both lie down on their marriage bed. Instead of making love, they start talking to each other in a way in which they had never done before. After a little while, one of their parents appears next to them and then another parent ... until all four parents are lying in bed with them. This is a most vivid illustration of the law of the “cookie-cutter.” It shows just how deeply imprinted we are with the role-models that have most influenced us. We have been “molded” from a combination of the roles and patterns with which we have allowed ourselves to be imprinted. This has been happening since our earliest childhood ... for better and for worse.
From Missing Links, page 180
Our baggage
What I have dubbed the law of the “cookie-cutter” describes the origins of the old dysfunctional, codependent, unhealthy and self-defeating patterns that we swore never to repeat. These are the “toxic patterns” that create “toxic relationships.” When we are children, we learn by role-modeling,
absorbing the example of those who are in a dominant position. We do so just like a photographic plate absorbs light. We may do so unconsciously as well as consciously.
The law of the “cookie-cutter”
What we live › we learn
What we learn › we practice
What we practice › we become
what we become › has consequences
When we enter into an intimate relationship we bring with us all our “baggage” of habits, patterns and behaviors with which we have allowed ourselves to be “imprinted.” I refer you to one of my favorite movies: The Story of Us, starring Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeifer. The movie is an
absolutely wonderful and tender love story. It begins by showing how the parents are trying to hide from their children their decision to separate. It takes an unexpected turn when the couple discovers that they are both still deeply in love with each other.
At a certain point, there is an absolutely brilliant scene in which husband and wife both lie down on their marriage bed. Instead of making love, they start talking to each other in a way in which they had never done before. After a little while, one of their parents appears next to them and then
another parent ... until all four parents are lying in bed with them. This is a most vivid illustration of the law of the “cookie-cutter.” It shows just how deeply imprinted we are with the role-models that have most influenced us. We have been “molded” from a combination of the roles and patterns with which we have allowed ourselves to be imprinted. This has been happening since our earliest childhood ... for better and for worse.
From Missing Links, page 192
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