The Humour Club discussion

Once again, the weekend is over - and that means...Yes! A brand new Humour Club Author Spotlight! Woohoo! I give you, in her own words, Brena Mercer:

"Most people who know me (friends, relatives, neighbors, store clerks) assume I have a liberal arts background. I got a degree in civil engineering and did engineering work for 30 years. I was in my 40s when I went to UC Santa Barbara and got a degree in English Literature. I then got my Masters at CSU Northridge. I like paying my bills and traveling, so I continued to work in engineering. Writing has always been part of who I am and even in school studying math and asphalt mixes, I took creative writing classes and had short stories published in many scholarly journals and magazines.

Having my liberal arts degrees in my back pocket, I was able to teach Developmental English (all about commas) and Creative Writing at several community colleges. I love the English language and the nuances of communication. I hate screaming at young adults to sit down, shut up, and put their phones away.

I am retired now, and the only excuse I have for not writing more than I do is laziness. There is always something on Netflix I want to watch.

I have 3 books out; Stretch - The Story of a Dog's Live, Bisbee and Madly Psychedelic Socks, and Death and Dawn. I also contributed to Ellipsis, an anthology of humorous stories (Cosmic Teapot Publishing), and No Bounds (Baer Publishing), a short story collection."

Brena wrote: "I like paying my bills..."

Now, that's funny!

>Developmental English (all about commas)

Love it!

Who is this boring woman? Whoops...it is me. My inner critic is alive and well.

Traveling and the engineering work probably gave you a lot of fodder for writing!

Sonya wrote: "Traveling and the engineering work probably gave you a lot of fodder for writing!"

Yes, it did. I find everyday life most bizarre as well. I speak of people as if I am not one of them, but aren't humans wildly entertaining?...in a strange confusing way.

Funny...after getting the 3rd degree in English, I considered going back to school to study something that would allow me to pay the bills...

Teaching English is always an option. Even Adjunct Faculty at a community college pays decent and can be part time. A Masters is good for teaching as it increases your pay. I never did substitute teaching, but that can bring in a lot of work. I filled in for a teacher who quit mid year at a high school. I had ESL students, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. The kids from hell. Older kids are better.

I was a crappy composition teacher (nice irony, right?). In the end, I gave up on full time work and became a full-time parent, with my part-time job at the library. That (the library job, not parenting) turned out to suit me very well.

Rebecca wrote: "I was a crappy composition teacher (nice irony, right?). In the end, I gave up on full time work and became a full-time parent, with my part-time job at the library. That (the library job, not pare..."

I always thought a library would be a great place to work.

Rebecca wrote: "I was a crappy composition teacher (nice irony, right?). In the end, I gave up on full time work and became a full-time parent, with my part-time job at the library. That (the library job, not pare..."

I'm also jealous of your library job. I have this recurring dream about having my own key to the Library of Congress.

I spent three years teaching science in a high school. Apparently, I drew the short straw because I ended up with the most challenging crew they had - a class filled with a mix of kids in grades 9, 10, 11 and 12 who all had very poor marks due to learning problems, poor reading skills, drugs and a variety of other issues (some were very bright but were just lazy, so it was a very dysfunctional group to work with). At one point, there was a massive fire in the town and the next week 25% of my class was gone - they were all in jail, awaiting bail for arson. It was the quietest week of the year. I agree, Brena - working in a library sounds wonderful :-)

Brenda wrote: "At one point, there was a massive fire in the town and the next week 25% of my class was gone - they were all in jail, awaiting bail for arson..."

Obviously, the kids are just misunderstood. I mean, seriously, is there really that much of a difference between ADHD and a major felony?

The high school kids I taught smeared poop all over a teacher's car seats and threw rocks through her windows at home. This was in a small town, not some inner city scene.

The school was on complete lockdown at all times with all classroom doors kept locked. My only regret was that I never opened the package in my desk that was only supposed to be opened when there was gunfire. To this day I wonder what was in it.

Brena wrote: "...I never opened the package in my desk that was only supposed to be opened when there was gunfire. To this day I wonder what was in it."

With this group, Brena, that could be considered the
Straight Line of the Century!

Just a few possibilities:
1. A copy of your will for last minute updates.
2. Surplus flak jacket and prayer manual with instructions.
3. The security camera and metal detector that were awaiting installation budget approval.
4. An updated copy of the Board of Education Rules of Engagement.
5. A THANKFULLY-generous donation from Smith and Wesson.
6. (For second and third-floor classrooms) That rope ladder you've always wanted.
7. An armed FBI agent with a truly lousy assignment.
8. A comforting copy of the Second Amendment.
9. A no-longer-need-to-avoid-high-calories ONE LAST piece of New York Cheesecake.
10. A hotline to the principal's office so that he has a few additional seconds warning to get to his escape chute.

Frankly, the possibilities are endless.

I always imagined a letter of resignation for me to sign.
Lollipops, joints, and little bottles of whiskey.

Brena wrote: "I always imagined a letter of resignation for me to sign.
Lollipops, joints, and little bottles of whiskey."

Letter of resignation... LOL!

Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "I always imagined a letter of resignation for me to sign.
Lollipops, joints, and little bottles of whiskey."

Letter of resignation... LOL!"

Did you know high schools now have Attitude Adjustment rooms? I had a student I sent there so much he quit coming to my class. He just went straight to AA every day. A scary woman was in there who spent her days doing stare downs with the kids.

I keep looking for the "like" button or a little laughing icon. Great speculation about the package. And your tales are making the annoying middle school kids at the library seem pretty good. Really, they can be intimidated well enough when needed, at least by a mean old lady like me (my boss is WAY too nice, and they totally take advantage).

Jay wrote: "Brena wrote: "...I never opened the package in my desk that was only supposed to be opened when there was gunfire. To this day I wonder what was in it."

With this group, Brena, that could be consi..."

My thoughts:
1. Depends undergarments
2. Pepper spray (the Costco size)

Jay wrote: "Brenda wrote: "At one point, there was a massive fire in the town and the next week 25% of my class was gone - they were all in jail, awaiting bail for arson..."

Obviously, the kids are just misun..."

Well, since spending 6 hours with a room full of ADHD teens made me want to commit a major felony, I suppose the lines were a little blurred.

The Depends and pepper spray are for the ordinary days. Ahhh...teaching teenagers is punishing.

College students can be tough also. All they care about is being popular with the opposite sex. Their hormones are surging off the charts.

Many of my college students were Cartel kids, and I encouraged them to talk about their lives. Dead fathers were a fact of life and barely mourned. The Cartell takes care of the families.

On dating they had strict rules. A guy had to shave his entire body, open doors for them, pay for everything, etc. They did not expect him to marry them when they got pregnant or help pay for the child. Grandmothers are for that. When they caught him cheating, he had to buy them a gold bracelet. If he was an older man they would get a new car. Cheating was expected, but came with goods.

I loved those kids.

Brena wrote: "The Depends and pepper spray are for the ordinary days. Ahhh...teaching teenagers is punishing.

College students can be tough also. All they care about is being popular with the opposite sex. The..."

Wow. Not the world I grew up in, that's for sure!