I'm Trying to Get a Book Published! discussion
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Cj_'s ...?
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I've commented on almost all of your works... :)
I really enjoyed your work. I read a lot of your poetry and left some comments.I have noticed a bit of verb tense issues, but in this case, it actually gives the work character. There is one poem that I would fix though, and that is the one that has the lines "even im blind" and "even im deaf." Wherever you had the word "even," you need the word "though" right after it. So that it would sound like this "even though im blind" and "even though im deaf."
Keep up the good work. It's awesome.
oya? ow, thanks Rita, i'll change that as soon as i can after this, thanks for the comment too. >.<
Cj.. you still haven't changes the 'write'- 'writing' thing!!
It could be a play on words. CJ_'s Right?
i just add a new poem on my writing...check tht out.. ^^)
still in the sam link.
I read "everythis is okay." Interesting story but a bit confusing.Something to watch out for is a lot of he-said/she-said dialog without any prose to hold it together. It's something I've had trouble with in the past. Here's a few dialog rules to consider:
(1) dialog is the voice of tension and conflict.
(2) dialog is an action
(3) action (including dialog) should be balanced with reaction and thoughts/feelings
Some other things to consider is that dialog should sound the way we talk.
omg, oya?so, what i must to change?
please give me your oppinion again =)
First, decide who is your POV--point of view. It's good to anchor your readers into one person and allow them to see through their eyes.Second, after each line of dialog, add the reactions (physical) and then internal thoughts/feelings (mental & emotional.
Here's what you wrote:
“So… I need to know your make sense reason, why do you leave me?” Vanesha asked seriously.
“I didn’t leave you…” Caesar said back.
Here's with my additions of physical reactions and internal dialog with Caesar as the POV:
“So… I need to know your make sense reason, why do you leave me?” Vanesha asked seriously.
His mouth dropped open, not believing what he was hearing. Where had she gotten this crazy idea? “I didn’t leave you…” Caesar said back.
ACTION: Vanesha speaks.
POV REACTION: Caesar's mouth drops open.
POV THOUGHTS/FEELINGS: he 's not believing what she said and wonders where she got this idea.
ACTION: Caesar speak in return.
Here's another possibility with Vanesha as the POV:
“So… I need to know your make sense reason, why do you leave me?” Vanesha asked, her hands balled into tight little fists. Fear crawled in the pit of her stomach. If he rejected her now, she didn't want him to see her cry.
“I didn’t leave you…” Caesar said back.
ACTION: Vanesha speaks
POV REACTION: Vanesha balls her fists
POV THOUGHTS/FEELINGS: the feeling of fear/she doesn't want him to see her cry
ACTION: Caesar speaks
The idea is to add a deeper layer to the story.
I really think you have done a good job with your action part, and when I write my first draft, that's what I focus on--the action. When I go back through I add the reactions and thoughts and feelings of one character.
Be sure to stick with just one POV or you'll pull your reader around too much.
oh, oke, thank you Rita..i'll make a innovation on there.. =)
im just add a new story.http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...
and somebody can help me to tell me, what i must writing in isbn untill no book that i take to be a referens????
I enjoyed the latest poem. There were some good lines.
thank you rita, maybe my talent isn't in story.lolz
Cj, that's not true. You have talent in story as well, but writing is only part talent and mostly learned art. I know I have talent for writing, but talent wasn't enough. I made a lot of mistakes, including the one I mentioned above about dialog. And when I make suggestions or offer corrections, it comes from learning from my own mistakes.
The only way to improve is to keep writing, reading, and studying.
^^) thank you... i'll keep writing, reading and studying... your support is soo help me.
That was a sweet poem, CJ. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
^-^coz i can't reply what a mother tht ever gave for me.
too big, so i hope this poem can make them smile.
thanks for reading too Rita, r u a mother??? ")
Yes, I have three kids, ages 7, 5, & 3, all girls.
a, like on your pic? they are so pretty.. ^-^ say hi for them from me....oya, Rita, i have edit my story-chapter6 tht you give a comment. would you like to check tht out, and give me your comment again???
Yes, the three girls, painting their puppet show box, are my kids. The youngest got bored and put her foot in the paint.
I liked your story. Good addition of emotions and reactions. I understood a lot better what the people were thinking.
thank you Rita... very happy of your oppinion ^^)
i added two poem again guys...http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...
i put up the 1st chapter of fire touched cj
CJ,I read another of your poems and really love it. There is something very moving in your poetry. Thanks for sharing it with us.
>.<thank you everyone...
please keep comment, i need pp's response
to increase my poem. oya, i receive a critique too. ^^)
hey guys i have a new story here :http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/4...
read and leve a comment please.. =)
Happy Birthday, CJ! My prayer for you is that many blessings will come to you this year.
thank you so much Rita.OMG im getting old!
lol.
hope god blessing my writings too.
^.^
I believe he will. Your writing has personality, and that makes all the difference. You are on the right path.
well..i hope soo.
once again thank you rita.
i bet your childrens are the luckiest childreans ever tht had a verry well motivator mother like you!
=)
Thanks, CJ. I hope I am such a mom. That's been my dream in life, to be a good mom.
Hey Cj! Welcome to the group!!! I know I'm a little behind on saying hello *tee hee* but hello! ;)
http://www.goodreads.com/story/list/9...
Enjoy... ^^)