Simple Writes discussion

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Please leave all commentary on my stories here. I would prefer if you could put anyone spoilers in spoilers, but please also let others know which work you're talking about bc I have many lol

Are we allowed to just comment we love you? Cuz I do <3

lol <3

yo, so as I usually do
if you have any questions about characters, just ask
and each answer will be added in the character section

To polish this interesting piece of writing up, you want to remove "that" from the first sentence. It reads fine without it. You also have two "was" words in that short sentence, so look for a better way to say what you are saying without using "was" which are considered to be very weak verbs. Perhaps something like "The dark headed girl's aloofness clearly showed her to be cynical." They got into dumb shit like this all the time...is a complete sentence so put a period after it and begin a new sentence with One week... You used the word "more" very close to each other twice. You could change one of them to say: "They had less sense than a bag of chips" (a very good and imaginative concept by the way). Perhaps combing the last couple of sentences might make them read more smoothly. "At least they seemed more interesting than the rest of the student body she dubiously stared at over her lackluster cafeteria meal."

Always try to remove "that" and "as" from your writing. It makes tighter more polished writing. In this paragraph, you can remove "as" from your first sentence and either use "while" or just make the sentence into two sentences. The next sentence would read better if you said "She had no thoughts on what they were doing,"
Try not to use the word "just" if you can help it. A better choice is "only". You can also remove the "that" from this sentence and have it read "only a never-ending sense of dread curled her stomach and made her heart race. You don't really need the "however" in the next sentence. "It was nothing compared to when she'd first been taken and the others had shared their stories." Take out the "that" in the next sentence. It reads fine without it.

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I've saved all the criticism so I can come back to it when I do the first round of edits ^-^

i'm also open to just getting like random opinions on anything lol
so hit me

Thank you! ^-^

Your reactions are killing it Fiend, and I love reading them!! Kookie will never be my bias either, or so I tell myself omg... Rapmon is mine, and Suga is certainly second, with Jhopie coming in third :P

Suga had some aegyo in there, goddddddd

Jimin is mine so I knew I was fucked from the start lmao
you and kiks have the same bias btw

Oh really? :P She has good taste, you and Sav have the same bias XD Rapmon is ahhhhhhhhhhhhh dem dimples and raps

I mean I'm attracted to dancers and rappers so like
it was inevitable

she literally screamed at me about his dimples lol

His dimples kill me @_@ I've drawn him so many times...

BOBBY AND HIS VOICE ARE BEAUTIFUL, HIS GROWL KILLS ME

tbh....i feel