it's personal discussion

i think of new york city lost in stars

. mei / 16 / us
. shitposting basically
. comment if u want but dont be rude lol

ugh movign is dumb lol

relationship problems moving problems and also im so bored lol

the only thing im lookign forward to is "want" by cindy pon coming out tomorrow and also getting my license in less than 2 weeks and getting my dads car when i move and i guess thats a lot of things to look forward to (esp the car) but im still sad and i dont want to break up w my gf but i have to and i think she hates me anyway lol we

ive been dating her for 7 months lolol

im so determined to make this a good summer but itll probably be shitty idk i just hate packing and im exhausted all the time but maybe itll be okay once we move i can just get away i guess bc all my friends hate me anyway and so does my gf and it doesnt matter anyway so

theres so many things i never said to her so many things i didn't do bc of anxiety and i thought i'd have a lot more time and thats just really depressing tbh and now its all ruined and i have to move and never see her again but a part of me is ok w that bc i think she hates me anyway and maybe a new start is good but also lolol

idk shes just been distant i guess and idk lol

its fine tho

i really really really need to stop letting my happiness rely on other people its so unhealthy and i should just stop relying on other people bc ppl aint shit lol

i feel strange and i dont know if im happy in my relationship anymore

but it may be the stress of moving in less than a month and maybe were both subconsciously trying to just distance ourselves from each other and idk ive been annoyed w her too often and i shouldnt be that annoyed but also thats how relationships work you know but its just making me nervous n isnt love supposed 2 be happy and soft but its not anymore its not

and idk if im just making it up in my head lol so i dont want to talk to her and i know im gonna regret avoiding her bc then ill move and never see her again and ill regret it so much love is stupid and this is so stressful i dont know if she even likes me anymore n its just been terrible tbh

i get my license in 9 days

think i broke up w my gf

:(( rip

bitch contacts suck when ur asian ass eyes r too asian n the eye doctor is like ur eyes r kinda small :)))) u need to open them wider :))) like ok im sorry

i couldnt even get them out so the lady had to get them out of my eyes for me n i have to go back tmrw to try again n I HAD to cUT MY NAILS bc she said theyre too long n ill scratch my eye and im so depressed over this ok like my nails were so nice n long n took months to look nice n long bc i used to bite them but they looked good for once n i had to cut them im mad

i love being ignored love it

i dont know whats happening anymore and i feel terrible this is hurting my fuckign heart bye

:/

the weeknd sampled beach house's song 'master of none' in his song 'the party & the after party' and im shook

beach house gives off such a vibe n idk how to explain it but its so wow

the party & the after party - the weeknd
master of none - beach house
glycerine - bush
beach baby - bon iver

current moods

today was shitty but im getting my license tomorrow so

got my license today and i took 3 trips to the gym dropping off and picking up my siblings lol

summer '17 mood is driving by urself with the windows rolled down and blasting 80s music

then i drove downtown w my sister and got gelato and walked around and then drove to a cafe lmao and then we drove aroundd a neighborhood at like 9:30 at night bc someoen was settting off fireworks and we wanted to see but i think we scared them off bc i guess we were being weird like parking by random ppl in our dark van just siting there lol

tbh life is stressful but i think im just gonna. chill and get over shit bc heartbreak is gross and im done with it !

jk im gonna be sad for a while but its ok

i want to write poetry and be happy and shit but im lazy and tired !

mood

its been over 2 months and so much has changed hm

life's been shitty thats all but i hope i go on another long ass hiatus and the next time i come back to gr for two seconds life won't be shitty and i'll be happy

im writing a poetry chapbook so if i ever do go through w that ill post a link here maybe lmao

yikes

double yikes

goodreads was so strange and it was definitely a weird place to spend so much time and energy on since i was like 11 lmao

its hard to recognize that ive changed in the past year/two years/three/++++ but i have and its kinda weird to go back here adn see old posts. but also refreshing and im glad im different even though life is definitely kicking me in the ass rn/and has been since i was 13 but. u get thru it

this place is very sad for me but also very cathartic sometimes. its not like other social media in the sense that... idk posts arent as Scary to make like on instagram (unless its a spam lmao)? Maybe less performative? (but still very performative, just as any social media is). idk how to describe it

i really miss a lot of things and i dont think id be like i am now if i had never found Relief and Friendship uwuw on goodreads even though its kinda dead now and less appealing? but im glad it made me happy when i was younger and i made lifelong friends (Sophia and Selia) so!

i dont wish things were back to how they used to be because im glad im not on goodreads a lot anymore and maybe ill be more active because i kinda like just shouting into a void on here with no one bothering me? and i dont want to relive how it used to be because sometimes shit was Wack but i appreciate the memories and that i genuinely was happy talking to people on here a few years ago. and again w/out GR i never would have met Sophia or Selia! how wild

i miss a lot of people sometimes and wonder how theyre doing but i know life has moved on i guess. justin is livin his best life, so is jacob lmaoo. who else

ngl some people on here were wack as shit though and i cant believe i associated with them LMAO i was very naive and dumb

im graduating high school in a few months and i know im really young and i have a lot of life left to live lmao but its wild to think that i used to be fuckin around on this site when i was in 6 grade. 8 years guys (10-18 tho im not 18 Yet but. nearly 8 years on this fuckin website huh)

i dont miss it but i miss a select few people like justin/jacob/ali and idk who else

i dont talk to justin much anymore but i follow him on uhh ig? and jacob as well. jacob used to be close with sophia selia and me but then he left the gc and yeah thats fine but i kinda miss when it was all four of us. but im eternally grateful that he made the gc with sophia/selia/me in the first place like. back in 2014/15(???) bc now that gc is like. the only thing keeping me going a lot of days and i love sophia and selia so much its hard to express but wow! where would i be without them. we used to be so annoying and energetic and full of Life LMAO and then life kicked us down Huh and now were all dead from school and life and tired and sad but like we still make each other laugh andwatch movies and skype and i talk to sophia on the phone when i drive and we used to do hw on skype together/discord(?) and i remember like last summer maybe (idrk when) we would just go on discord and use the music bot thing to listen to music for hours and. wow without them id be incredibly lonely andeven though i am generally unhappy with my life as of now i can still smile and laugh bc of them at least once a day so that means the wrld and makes life less unbearable

im trying to get a j*b this year so i can save up some $$ and go to [redacted] to visit sophia and selia but like im broke and it sounds nice in theory and i want it to happen this usmmer but thats prob unrealistic unless i work my ass off in the next 6ish months but like no ones tryna hire me rn soooooooo im jobless lmao