Personal Writer/Public Reader discussion

After many years of modest success as a short-story writer, novelist, and textbook author, I took on the task of writing the very personal story of taking care of my father and mother during Dad's final year of his life. The caregiving was hard work and I learned a lot about my parents and myself. I learned about myself as a writer, too, by working on the book.
Writing in a public way about yourself is tricky business, I discovered. Anyone else tried it? Want to talk about it? I'm open to discussion.

I have started an autobiography, and although my story is one that needs to be told, I never thought it would be so hard to put into words. I mean I've been telling these stories for years but getting it down on paper or in my instance on computer is proving to be a task.

I started with an experience that almost took my life but rather changed it forever. Then I went back to my rough childhood of a dysfunctional family and eventually being placed into foster care. Which is was I am working on now. The next chapters will include an abusive boyfriend, drugs, music, and many many more obstacles including losing my home to a fire (my final breaking point in life).

Anyways, where I am going with this is it is extremely hard to get this all out and even harder to relive some of these moments. I can only hope I can get it all out in due time.

At the risk of appearing self-aggrandizing or narcissistic, I have taken on the task of writing my memoirs. When I tell others of this aspiration, the reaction is often "you're too young to be writing a memoir" at which I have to reply and point out the difference between memoir and autobiography, the latter being an inclusive summary of one's life. I am merely trying to capture certain episodes in my life. Because I consider writing to be my natural borne talent and because I have undergone periods of my life that can only be explained or justified as "research for "the book" I am intent on completing it for publication. I have been told that my perspective on these events is enough to warrant being written about. A few of my contemporaries from college have since written their own memoirs, two of which are included on my book list of this site. I struggle with this project as the act of writing requires immersing myself into the past and reliving the events in a sense. It is an emotionally arduous process that doesn't take into account the mechanics of writing and editing. It's an albatross upon my shoulders.

I am in the process of writing a memoir that covers the years in my life from age 4 to age 17. It's written first person present tense, in the child's voice. There's no adult saying this happened, then this happened, then this and this is what it means and this is why it happened. Just a kid telling what is happening, in the moment. It's an unusual way to write a memoir, but it has been done sucessfully before. I'm excited because I'm almost done with the first draft. I would love to talk to all three of you and others involved in this process. It is very hard! I'm finding this last part the hardest of all because I'm now writing about things that are still part of my life, or were until recently. One of my big issues is how others will react, especially my family. We're very close now, but my teenage years were horrible and I write as honestly as I can about them. It's hard because I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm determined to tell the truth. Therapy has been the main thing that has gotten me to the place of being able to do this. I've needed therapy to help me heal from the things I'm writing my book about, which have left me with a chronic case of PTSD. I have 8 months left to write about. It's hard to believe that I'm this close, after working on it for these past few years.
What are the biggest struggles for all of you?

Leslie wrote: "I am in the process of writing a memoir that covers the years in my life from age 4 to age 17. It's written first person present tense, in the child's voice. There's no adult saying this happened..."

I can totally relate to what you said about being reluctant to tell your family. I wrestle with the same issue. Sometimes while writing about the scandalous parts of my experiences in my own perspective I consider the idea of fictionalizing certain parts of my story so to protect all parties involved but I really don't know what I am going to do. I am curious to know how old you are and how long it has been since you actually lived the experiences you are writing about. I am slowly putting my stories down on paper but I often wonder how I am going to fill 200 pages without boring readers, the insecurity that my story isn't worthy.

I'm 47. I know exactly what you mean, it's hard not to think, oh that's just boring, that happened to everybody. But I've gotten so much good feedback. Have you read your stuff to anyone in a writers group? That has helped me so much get over that feeling. I'm worried that my book is too long! I have 103,000 words in the computer, 20,000 in notebooks and the last 8 months to still write about--during which a lot happened.
I struggle with that feeling of this just boring, but no one who's heard it thinks so. So just keep going. I'd love to hear more about your book.
If my family had done horrible things to me, that would be one thing, but they always loved me and took care of me, but of course there are things people don't relish having published in a book! I'd feel like that too, if my daughter was writing one. And we're very close, which I'm glad of, but it adds to the delimna.
How are you handling it?

My family knows I am writing the book. My mother isn't overly excited about it. She actually got a little upset when I went to get my juvenile records. Her exact words when she found out I was going to get them copied, "You aren't going to hold them against me, are you?" I responded in a nice tone, "Why no mom, how would I hold them against you?" She knows. I don't think she will handle it very well maybe in the back of her mind she is hoping I can't write to save my life. Who knows? My sister and brother are helping me with editing and stuff. They aren't exactly pleased either but know I am going to do what I'm going to do. They like to pretend things weren't as bad as they were... and well they weren't for them. But this is MY story, and it needs to be written to help others. That's my experience so far. I'm not sure how I will handle my parents and family reading the book. I will wait until it is all confirmed for publication then cross that bridge. They do know it is in progress though and that I am not going to lie or sugar coat anything.

That's pretty much how I feel too. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I have to tell MY story and what happened to me. My mom is ok with it, she says they'll handle it, my dad isn't as ok with it. I don't talk to him about it. It's amazing how different my experience was or how I remember it than how my parents remember it. The objective truth is probably somewhere down the middle, but I can't write that, I can only write my book. I think it's a very brave thing to do to write the truth about a life and have it out there for others to see. It's scary, so it's brave to do it! I'm really glad this whole genre of memoirs by "regular" people has gotten as popular as it has. It's too important to keep it all a secret like it was for so long.

That's great!! Congratualations!!

Thanks Elizabeth!
It is very therapeutic, and very hard. Your book sounds really good. There are the emotions, the time, the writing, the remembering and processing things again, the editing, and then I'm going to try and get it published. That's not going to be easy, I'm sure.
I wonder why some of us have this drive to do this and others don't. I'm curious about that.

Hi all, it's a relief to see there are others that have gone down the route of writing something about their own lives. I wrote Teenager en Provence which is about my family's move from UK to South of France when I was just 15. It was an emotional time to adjust to approaching womanhood and the cultural change so some of the book examines my inner feelings, and about the experiences both good and bad. I wrote it because so many others have written relocation stories based on their own desire to move, build a new home, launch a new business, but no one had written about a family and how the relocation affected them individually. I was nervous about how people might react to the openess of it, and how I would too, knowing people would read about my tears, my tantrums - even my first love. Thankfully I've had such terrific feedback, people have laughed til they cried, recalled their own teenage years, and one person went on holiday to see the area. I can only say that it has enhanced my life, even though I've had to self publish as many publishers loved it but didn't think it commercial enough, it's been a huge learning curve. I enjoy the interaction with others and can only say I'd do it all over again. So anyone thinking about it, start now! Looking forward to all of you having success.