Write a book discussion
hi!!!!
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[deleted user]
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Jul 04, 2014 11:26AM
I was just on so i wondered if anyone wants to chat. :)
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Hi I'm kayleigh, I'm fairly new to Goodreads and a newbie to the group's. I've recently started writing which I've uploaded onto here but unsure how I go about getting feedback, it's just the first chapter but to me it's the most important. Any advice you guys could give me would be great thanks
Mod
On my writing section of my profile not sure where it's goes after that it's called runaway.
https://www.goodreads.com/story/show/... this is the link as I look at it, it's the first draft,and I don't know if it comes across as too fast in pace.
It won't let me read it... says you have to be 18.
It works and Im a teenager... swearing... I hear that everyday
Holy crap, that's amazing... Where's the 2nd chapter?!?!?!?!?!!?
Haven't started it yet thank for liking it. I wasn't sure worked yet, I really don't whether she should have more time with Alexander first?
No I think it's a good first chapter... the only problem is some grammar and spelling things...
Thanks I will review and work on it...
Yeah, no problem. I am super excited that was sooooo good. I am really interested about her past identity and how she knew Alexander before, and why he would want to hunt her... so many questions... you need to hurry up with chapter 2
Mod
I love to read what you written, and don't put yourself down, we always think our own work isn't very good,it's the reason I posted mine I didn't think it was very good, until you guys read it and said it was x
this needs to be friggin published...
Thanks it's a long away from publishing just about finished the next chapter so that will be on here soon x
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Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.
I get out of bed and get dressed. I brush my teeth. I comb through my long brown hair. I put my contact lenses in my milky brown eyes. I pack my bag.
"Alexandra, darling it's time for school!" My mother yells up to me.
"I'm coming, mom!" I yell down.
"Kriss, down, now. You have school, too."
"Yeah, whatever." Kriss calls back. I see her walking down the hallway and I follow her a minute later.
Kriss's black hair and brown eyes shine from the light of the sun coming through the windows. Beautiful.
I take five steps from my door to the stairwell. Thank god my mom had passed her test with 98%, or else we would not be both rich and famous although I do feel bad for those who didn't pass their tests. See, the way it works here now is that if you get 0 - 20 percent on your test, execution. If you get 21 - 40 percent, you live in the dangerous parts, the fringe, and you get no food, shelter, or water and you must beg. If you get anywhere from 41 - 60, you get a job as a slave or a servant or a nanny to the rich and famous families. You live with them and have your own little room with a small bed. If you get anywhere from 61 - 80, you work in a factory or as an engineer. 81 - 95, and you get to be a scientist or a doctor. 96-100, and you are rich, famous, and get your kids into great schools and become royalty.
Mom got 98. The highest score ever in the history of America.
I walk down the spiral staircase to the dining room and asked Donnie, our chef to make me some eggs, please.
"Anything for you, Alex," He nodded "you are going to do great."
"Thanks, Donnie" I gave him a smile and his eyes melted into joy from my happiness.
Kriss had sat down already and had just taken an apple from the middle of the table in which we have a bowl filled with fruit from Asia and America.
A few minutes later, we went to school and got in our testing rooms. I got into room 1598m. I sat down on the black chair and stared up at the screen on the wall. The room was small, enough to fit about 24 people squeezed together but that's all the space I needed.
Numbers and letters flashed on the screen and I answered each question.
About an hour later, a woman wearing all black walked into the room, cursed, and put a cloth hood over my head.
2 minutes. That's how long it took to get to the right room. She took off the hood and said "Hi, Alex, I'm Marlena, I'm here to tell you something you can't repeat."
I nodded.
"You have powers."
C2
"What?"
"Powers."
"What?"
"You have powers. You know, like, you can see into the future. You can like, do everything almost perfectly which you get from your mother." Marlena looks almost hyper, very excited.
"Anything else?"
"So many more things, flying, breathing under water, telekinesis," Marlena shakes her head. " possibly anything else."
So much information. "How did you know?"
"Your test results... You got... A perfect score... It's impossible, but not for you." She looked worried, now. "They will be looking for you. You are dangerous to them."
"I can't even hurt a fly. I couldn't do anything to anyone. I'm super weak. I can't fight. I don't even know how to use these powers." I don't understand how this works.
"Alex?" Marlena asks.
"Yes, Marlena?"
"You are hovering above ground."
Then I understand: the powers are a defense mechanism. Wired for when I need help or when I get frustrated. Am I the only one like this? "It's a defense, Marlena. Just in case I need the help-"
The door clicks open cutting my words short, and I fall back on my feet.
C3
The most beautiful of beautiful boys walks in. Tall. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Muscular. His eyelashes are long and eyes big. His olive skin is beautifully perfect. He stares at me and I see his eyes shine brighter.
I'm not that pretty. At least I don't think I am.
Yet he stares. And I stare back.
At some point I realize Marlena is talking so stand up and walk over to her. The lean, tan, muscular boy of my dreams walks up to me and holds out his hand.
"Hi, I'm Noah." I take his hand and shake it. His faint British accent stuck in my head. God he's hot. "And you are?"
"Full name?"
He laughs "sure, why not. My last name is Hart. Noah Hart."
"My name is Alexandra Lancaster but people call me Alex. Hi" I'm still melting from his beautiful dark brown eyes staring straight into mine.
Damn that boy.
Mod
It's good I like sorta has the selection, kinda of feel with the tests, I like the story though I wanna know why the world is using test to segregate people? Overall it's great x
Thats awesomw! if you publish this ever i want a copy
Mod
Sorry for those of you who I told I would post the first chapter of my book yesterday. Time got away, I will try and do it today... ;D. *keyword: try*
Ur name is so friggin long! I am glad to just aknowledge u as grace now
Ok, grace, i see u decided to join when i invited u here. Hab u read the short stories yet. Iwonder has some great ones and i have one there myself in the general section. Hav u red them?
