Struggling Writers discussion

Each comment is a chapter. I will tell you when this book ends and when new book starts. The book at the moment is drowning.

I guess you don't realize what's happening until you hit it. The coldness. I mean. You would never know what happened. You would never realized you were under until you would finally rise, from the depths, dead. You would never realize that you were pushed, that you fell, and that you were under. I guess you don't realize when you are drowning..

Yeah, I know. The beginning was a bit. But. Yeah, I think in getting ahead. I'm going to start a bit before the party.



Ah yes my friends and my heels clicking against the sidewalk, our bags in hand, and my friend with a guy latched to her arm. Like always. The air was warm but with a nice autumn breeze. My favourite season was autumn, maybe because it was my name. But back to the point. The leaves traveled down the roads and twirled with the wind.

"Are we almost there" my friend asked.

"What?"

"I said are we almost there?"

"Oh yeah, yeah, we are almost there."

You might be wondering where we are going. We'll to a party, on a boat. Yeah I know. One of the worst ideas ever. But I went anyways.

We finally got everyone on the boat and started moving.

"I'm going to go get drinks." Said my friends boy of the day. He said as he walked off.

"Yeah...you better go with him." I said to my friend.

"Why?." She asked. I pointed behind her at her boyfriend talking with a pretty girl, she huffed and walked off in his direction.

Now, here is the part where I do something really, and I mean really, stupid.

I got up and sat on the railing of the boat. Pretty much asking to fall off. I heard a clicking of heels behind me stop behind me. A pair of hands wrapped around my sides. "Have fun." Someone whispered before they threw me off the boat. I screamed falling into the water.

I realized that

1) my clothes aren't wet

And

2) I was breathing under water.

I started freaking out. I realized I was in side of some air bubble I poke the side with my finger and water started flowing in. I screamed and covered the hole with my hand but the whole bubble popped. I started struggling and tried to scream when I saw a flash of orange. Then I saw a flash of orange hair and a face? I saw the whole girl and she mouthed relax. I let my body relax and my body was taken away with the currents of the water I looked beside me right as I slammed into a rock and all went black.

Hi, Madison. I'm not sure if you're still currently working on this, but I really like the bubbling plot so far. The narration is fulfilling and exciting or the reader, fast-paced. I would recommend trying to fill in every scene with detail. For example, the orange-haired girl's role in that ending is obviously sentimental but you weaken her plot by 'telling' instead of exhibiting the dialogue that she says. If she has human traits, you can show her reaching her arms out to Autumn, the protagonist, and saying "Relax!"
I hope I can read more chapters of your book. Whether it's a fresh or old idea, hang in there and carefully thresh out the layers of your story. You don't want a story that's TOO QUICK.
-:)Ingrid

Thanks, i was rushing this chapter because it's being written on a website called wattpad, and I hate when I don't update my books..so I rushed this chapter, I actually had a really god chapter of this one but it was on my iPod so it sucks. But I understand what you mean, I do try and rush my books for some reason. But thanks for the advice :)

Omg, i love wattpad! (My user is Inkerina) and it's such an efficient driving force for my writing. Also, do you often type/text your chapters or do you keep a journal? It's shown that if the creator reads what's on a piece of paper rather than a screen, the chances that he/she will expand upon his idea spike dramatically. Hope you end up posting the revised edition of this chapter!