Life Without Ed® (with Jenni!) discussion

Ed can win if we isolate. Do you have enough support along your recovery journey?

If you need more support, try getting creative. Oftentimes, we believe that we have no one. I used to feel that way at times. But, what I learned is: Ed was lying to me. I always had people. Ed just sometimes blocked the view of my loved ones and treatment team.

My dear friend, Shannon Kopp, author of Pound for Pound: A Story of One Woman's Recovery and the Shelter Dogs Who Loved Her Back to Life, found pets to be a key in her recovery. Do you have a support animal that helps to keep you going?

Here, please share ideas about finding support. Let us know how you built a support team, including furry friends!

** Please remember to keep your posts non-triggering. Per the rules of the group, no numbers (e.g., weights, calories, clothing sizes). Also, please refrain from posting specific eating disordered behaviors. We want to keep this group non-triggering and focused on the solution. Triggering posts will be deleted in order to protect our special group. **

Hey everyone! So excited to join this group, and so inspired by the honesty, authenticity, and courage I see in your posts!

After treatment, years into my battle with bulimia and depression, I got a job working at the San Diego Humane Society. My therapist helped me to discover how animals (particularly the shelter dogs I worked with) could be a powerful tool in my recovery process. I started sitting with these big, goofy, love-bug dogs before and after meals, and when ED was really loud...and the animals helped me immensely. Not only shelter dogs, but cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, and horses, too! Today, I have an emotional support dog named Bella, and I take her just about everywhere I go. She's ridiculously adorable, and her love is everything that ED hates: fierce, real, filled with gentleness and compassion, and unconditional. She loves me no matter what kind of day I've had or what the voices in my head are saying. And I love her right back.

Wondering if you guys have found any comfort in animals during your recovery journey? Would love to hear about them, and how they have helped you!

Another perfect thread for me …. Thanks Jenni :-P

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself pulling away from everyone. When it comes to my ED, I never had a support team, until just this year, when I finally told my therapist about Ed, and found my dietitian. When Jenni started this group, it allowed me to have a safe place to come and talk about Ed, and as I began to get to know each of you and share my struggles, I started to feel like I had some support. With Jenni’s help, I was able to find some support outside of this group as well.

The week before Thanksgiving, I began to fall into a horrible depression …. no …. Let me rephrase that. The week before Thanksgiving, the depression I had been in denial about became worse, and I was sucked down into that horrible black hole. Between the depression and Ed, I pulled away from almost everyone, and I even pulled away from this group. I made a few posts here and there, but otherwise, I just did not want to talk to anyone online, over the phone, or in person. I also allowed Ed to get in between my therapist and me and my dietitian and me. At one point, before things got bad, Jenni had mentioned to me that Ed may have been trying to make my therapist and dietitian look like the bad guys, and I was able to tell Ed he was wrong, but the last few weeks, I have not been fighting Ed about my relationship with my treatment team, and because of that, I almost ruined the relationship I have with my therapist. Now, we have to work on repairing the damaged caused to our relationship.

So, at the beginning of this post, I mentioned I have never had a support team until this year. That is true when it comes to people and ED. I have had support from others in other areas of my life. However, I have had supports from my pets my entire life. Growing up we had cats, a dog, birds, guinea pigs, bunnies, a turtle, and more. When I was 15, and my parents divorced, I was able to talk my mom into allowing me to get a kitten (we had cats, but I wanted my own), about a month later, I talked her into getting me a second kitten. Unfortunately, both of these two are now in kitty heaven, but they were always there for me during their time here. When I was 17, we learned that I had the ability to work with horses. I began working with my first horse, with no experience except for trail rides when we were on vacation. Although, I helped this horse learn to trust people, he also taught me so much and helped me through some very difficult times. I helped with another horse, who also helped me, but after an injury I received, I had to stop working with that horse. When I was 19, I found a kitten on the streets in California, when I was unable to find her owner, she ended up coming home with me. She still lives with me, and although, we do not have the same type of bond my other two cats and I had, since bringing her home, she has always been the first one to notice when I am struggling, and she will come over to me and snuggle up close to me. If I ignore her she will either paw at my face or headbutt me. Usually, she is very independent and not wanting to snuggle. The other cat I currently have, she will come sit near me when she knows I am struggling, but she is still not sure what to do. Then there is my dog….

I had no intention on getting my dog. I wanted a breed of dog that I knew was a more loyal breed with a good deposition. I have a fear of dogs, but I wanted one to help me with that fear and to help protect me. I went to the humane society after learning they had a Golden Retriever there. After waiting for two hours, they told me the person who was currently looking at the dog was interested in him and they were just going to see if his current dog and the golden got along. She asked if there was another dog I was interested in, and I said no, but then I asked if I could go in the room by this 5-month-old mix breed puppy. I told the lady I did not want him, I just wanted to give him some attention because in the 2 hours I was there, nobody went in by him. She allowed me to go in by him. The poor pup was so terrified, he backed into a corner and refused to come by us. We were then informed the man before me was not going to adopt the golden, so it was my turn to meet him. Well, the golden ended up not being a good fit for me. Something inside me, my gut, was telling me to ask to see the terrified little puppy in the big room. I asked the lady if we could bring the puppy into the big room, and she did. It took about 10-15 minutes before the puppy actually showed interest in any of us, and he walked up to the adoption counselor and snuggled into her lap terrified. I remember saying, “I don’t know why I am about to say this, because I don’t want this puppy, but something is telling me I need to adopt this little guy.” He was so terrified that he was not able to walk, so I had to carry him out of the humane society. I worked with a friend who is a dog behaviorist and people at a kennel club I joined. It was suggested that I try for a Canine Good Citizen certificate and a therapy dog certificate, with the expectation that my dog would fail, but more so to see what we needed to work on. I had just over 6 months to work with this terrified puppy, since he could not take the tests until he was 1 year old, and the tests were both held a few days after his first birthday. To everyone’s surprise, my dog literally changed overnight. He went from being terrified of everyone at the kennel club, to passing BOTH the Canine Good Citizen Certification Test and the Therapy Dog Certification Test. That is the day I learned how much my dog trusted me, and how much I trusted him. My dog has become my emotional support dog, and since he is a therapy dog, we are able to go places such as hospitals and nursing homes to visit and offer support to others. When I am struggling, I can count on my dog being right there by my side.

As usual, I have written a book for this post. Thank you, Jenni, for starting this thread …. Although, I know my pets are very supportive, when I think about who I have for a support, I discount them, and I only look at the lack of support I have from family and others. I needed this reminder today…. I do have support – I have my pets, you guys, my EDA Sponsor, my therapist, and my dietitian. I just need to take that difficult step when I am struggling, and I need to reach out.

Shannon wrote: "Hey everyone! So excited to join this group, and so inspired by the honesty, authenticity, and courage I see in your posts!

After treatment, years into my battle with bulimia and depression, I got..."

Hi Shannon, welcome to the group!

I will definitely have to check out your book. I often suggest to people who are going through struggles to get a pet if they don't have one, and if they do have a pet, I usually will try to get them to see their pet as a support.... however, if you read my long post I just made here, you'll see that although, I can suggest this for others, I often forget to include my pets as part of my support - even though I know they are always there for me.

Thanks for joining and sharing!

Oh, how I love this thread! Thanks for sharing. I hope you both have a beautiful holiday! (I am signing off online tomorrow...wish me luck!)

Heidi wrote: "Another perfect thread for me …. Thanks Jenni :-P

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself pulling away from everyone. When it comes to my ED, I never had a support team, until just this year,..."

Heidi,
This is Shannon here. Thank you so very much for sharing. I can't tell you how much your story about adopting that terrified little puppy moved me. It seemed like some greater force was at work, like you two were meant to be together.

Isn't it amazing how animals are able to express their emotions so authentically? Including fear? I related to what you shared about pulling away from everyone. I did that a lot during the eight years I battled ED, especially my treatment team. At one point, I felt like I was failing my therapist. I just didn't want to go to another session and tell her I relapsed, so I skipped therapy for two weeks and ED took over 24/7. I was so ashamed, so sad, so sick.

Animals never hide what they are feeling...even if it's one of those uncomfortable emotions ED wants to numb: fear, sadness, anger, loneliness, shame, grief. They are honest about their pain, and often, they are quick to turn to others (sometimes even strangers) for support. I've been working with shelter dogs for the past ten years, and it always amazes me how they never pretend they are doing just fine. Instead, they communicate with the language of their body. With goofy tail wags, we know their joy. With trembles and pushed back ears, we know their fear. With low energy, we know their sadness. I learned a lot from watching dogs communicate so authentically. It was my biggest struggle with ED: being authentic with my treatment team. Being honest about how I was really feeling and sharing that openly.

The good thing is, however, we can do it at any moment. Like you have here, Heidi. You've told the truth to people who care about you and support you, and ED hates that.

I keep thinking of your puppy snuggling in the adoption counselor's lap, turn to someone for love and comfort. Animals know love is the answer, even when they are afraid.

And what a transformation your puppy made! I'm so amazed! I tried to train my shelter dog to pass her canine good citizen test and there was no chance (still love her to pieces). And what I want to share with you Heidi is that I believe you, too, can transform like that. I see your courage all through your post. Your ability to share so honestly. Your ability to be real. Your ability to turn to the loving presence of animals. Your ability to feel compassion and empathy and hope (even if it was for the puppy, and not yourself at the time). I believe you can recover, and that as long as you keep being honest and turning to your support team (human and animal), that you will get free of ED.

My rescue pup (Bella) and I are sending you love and healing vibes today. What's your miraculous puppy's name?

PS How awesome that you've experienced such a powerful connection with other animals, too! Love it!

Heidi wrote: ""

So true!

Shannon wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Another perfect thread for me …. Thanks Jenni :-P

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself pulling away from everyone. When it comes to my ED, I never had a support team, until j..."

Thank you, Shannon. My dog's name is Koda - from the Souix Tribe meaning friend/companion.

Melody wrote: "Shannon, I'm so grateful that you are part of the group. I read your book this year and appreciate your story so much. Animals, specifically, dogs, have played a major part in my recovery. When I w..."

Hey Melody,
I'm grateful to be a part of this group, too! And so glad to hear that dogs have been part of your recovery support system. So amazing that you were able to lean into Miley during those hard moments. As you know from my book, I really struggled with being honest with people (and myself). Today in recovery, I still find that I struggle to admit when I'm having a hard time with something and need extra support. I usually find myself acknowledging that hard truth with a dog in my arms, whether it's my own rescue pup, Bella, or at the humane society. Something about that nonverbal love and communication is really powerful for me. It gives me the courage to tell the truth.

Glad you were able to find an environment that was healthier for you, and so glad you then found Chloe! Growing alongside her is so beautiful. I have a sense that you've grown in courage over the last few years, too. Thanks also for being a rescue mama :)

Heidi wrote: "Shannon wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Another perfect thread for me …. Thanks Jenni :-P

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself pulling away from everyone. When it comes to my ED, I never had a suppo..."


Koda, I love it! Beautiful name.

Heidi, I feel I have no support too. There isn’t an EDA nearby. 10 years ago I formed one by after a couple months I let it go. I have an alanon sponsor but since her ex was diagnosed with cancer she dropped me like a hot potato. I can’t afford a dietician and there aren’t any nearby who specialize. I’m married and live with my 19 year old son but neither talks about my ed in a supportive way. My friends are leaving Idaho for warmer places. My mom and I barely have a relationship. I’m alone a lot so no one is making sure I eat. I’ve lost nearly 10 since I left treatment. My therapist is ready to let me go. I feel too weak to recover. I’ve been doing this for over 30 years. I want to give up trying to do things differently. Help

Melody wrote: "Shannon, I'm so grateful that you are part of the group. I read your book this year and appreciate your story so much. Animals, specifically, dogs, have played a major part in my recovery. When I w..."

Hey Melody,
I love your story about Miley, and also about Chloe. What lucky dogs to have been able to have you in both of their lives.

Shannon wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Shannon wrote: "Heidi wrote: "Another perfect thread for me …. Thanks Jenni :-P

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself pulling away from everyone. When it comes to my ED, I nev..."

Thank you, Shannon. :)

Michelle wrote: "Heidi, I feel I have no support too. There isn’t an EDA nearby. 10 years ago I formed one by after a couple months I let it go. I have an alanon sponsor but since her ex was diagnosed with cancer s..."

Hi Michelle,

Feeling like we have no support is so difficult. You are very brave for sharing with us. I do not feel like my family really supports me in any of my struggles. For my trauma history, I have a few friends who have been supportive and my therapist. For ED, I have only recently been finding support. My therapist and my dietitian are supportive with everything, but as I mentioned in my previous post, recently Ed was trying to make them out to be the bad guys. Talking with them helped, but it did take me being 100% honest with both.

If you have not already, I would highly suggest talking to your therapist regarding your thoughts that he/she is ready to let you go. If he/she has not specifically told you that he/she is unable/unwilling to help you anymore, then definitely talk to him/her about your thoughts/feelings. If he/she has actually mentioned this to you, then I would ask if he/she can recommend another therapist for you. A good therapist knows his/her limits and will offer to help you find a new therapist if needed.

I am glad the original post to this thread mentioned pets. I know that I tend to forget my pets are such a huge support system for me. Do you have any pets, Michelle? If not, are you able to get a pet? If you are able to, maybe that would be a good way to start building a support system? What do you think?

I do not have an EDA near me either. The nearest EDA meeting in my state is about a 3.5 hour drive for me, and the only other EDA meeting in my state is about a 7 hour drive for me. I call into an EDA meeting when I “attend” meetings. EDA also has online meetings. I think that it was very courageous of you to start an EDA meeting where you are. I wonder if you could start one up again? Or if you have not already done so, you could try an online EDA meeting (http://eatingdisordersanonymous.org/o...) or a phone/Zoom (http://eatingdisordersanonymous.org/p...) meeting.

Regarding paying for a dietitian, do you have health insurance? If you do, call up your health insurance, and ask if they would cover a dietitian if visits were billed through a behavioral health clinic, instead of through the dietitian. You’ll have to find out if you would still need to meet your deductible, if you would have a coinsurance payment, and what your copay would be. I was very fortunate with the job I recently left, as my insurance paid for my dietitian because she billed through a behavioral health clinic, and the insurance only made me pay my copay, I did not have to meet my deductible (I’m really hoping my insurance through my new company will be that way as well).

If your health insurance absolutely will not cover a dietitian no matter how the dietitian bills, then call around to different dietitians and find out if there are any sliding scales you can afford, or if anybody will see you pro bono. You might be able to find someone.

Also, remember, you have this group, even if none of us are able to get back to you right away, come here and post, let us be your support.

Most importantly, Michelle, do not give up on yourself!! You are strong, and you can beat Ed.

Hi, Heidi
Thank you for responding. Your letter is very articulate and I like that.
My therapist actually did threaten to d/c me from her practice if I lose wt or don't gain any. She has made it clear from beginning that if something happens to me it could cause a problem for her license. She will be gone 3 weeks next month and couldn't even give me a number to call if I get in a bad place.
I do have a pet named Brook and she's my Yorkie baby. She can be supportive when she wants to.
I would love to find on-line and on-phone meetings. Didn't know it was a thing. I cannot start an EDA mtg again because I'm not in recovery, I'm in problem. I will check out the others though.
Dietician: Insurance-yes, only 1 visit yearly. No one specializes either. I know what I should eat, I just have a difficult time doing it enough. I am sad, lonely and practically alone on Christmas. Spouse and I are both RNs so he's working, son is away at college and other one in room all day. Merry Christmas anyway, I'm warm, and dry and have food and water nearby.

Michelle wrote: "Hi, Heidi
Thank you for responding. Your letter is very articulate and I like that.
My therapist actually did threaten to d/c me from her practice if I lose wt or don't gain any. She has made it c..."

Thank you for the kind words, Michelle.

From what I am hearing you say, it does not sound like your therapist should be working with EDs, in my opinion, based off of my experiences with my own therapist, dietitian, work, and education. Obviously, I do not know your therapist, so I could be very wrong. My suggestion would be to look for a new therapist. It does not sound like your therapist is being helpful to you (and I do not mean that she is not helpful at all, just that right now, she is not of help to you). I understand that not wanting you lose weight and wanting you to gain weight, but to flat out tell you that she will d/c you from her practice just doesn’t sound right to me, again, maybe I’m wrong, or maybe I am misunderstanding something. Maybe you can reach out to Jenni when she returns and ask her for referrals – Shannon might be able to help as well.

You make a very good point that you would not be able to start a group because you are struggling right now, but maybe you could find someone in your area who is in recovery or recovered and willing to start an EDA group? Definitely take a look at the phone/Zoom meetings and online meetings, maybe one or more of those will help you. Another option would be checking out what different types of ED groups are offered by different therapists in your area – these would cost money, and may or may not be payable by insurance. I had tried one group my therapist runs, but it did not work out for me. In a couple of weeks, I will be trying a group run by one of the other therapists in my therapist’s clinic. I’m super nervous.

I hate how insurances are with dietitians. I really wish they would treat them like they treat doctor visits. It is so frustrating not being able to get the help you deserve/need/want because the insurance company does not want to pay for it. I am not sure what else to say or suggest regarding the dietitian.

Keep reaching out here for support. I am not sure if you have seen the thread, but Jenni created a thread called “Help I Need Encouragement.” You can find it here: https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/... This is a good place to go to ask for support or to kind of vent about struggles, you just have to do your best to keep the post non-triggering just like the other threads. Of course, there are all the other threads here too.

When Brook is choosing to be supportive, lean into her. 😊

Take it one moment at a time. You’ve got this, Michelle!!

Thank you Heidi.

Melody, between you and Heidi I feel as supported as I can. My son is visiting from college, the sky is dumping a ton of white puffy snow and my dog has chosen my lap for the moment so I’m pretty content. Ed is screaming in my head, throwing insults my way because I ate yesterday and today. Not sure how to make it stop even after 4 treatments. Ugh!

Hi Michelle,

You've mentioned so many wonderful things in your post! I'm glad to hear you are feeling supported, your son is visiting, and your dog decided to comfort you (even if for just a moment). The sky has been dumping that white stuff over here too!! LOL I love it and think it is so pretty when it sticks to the trees. :)

Ed is such a pain in the butt!! Great job not obeying him by eating yesterday and today. I'm proud of you for making that choice. You are so very strong. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to stop it yet either, but I think if we keep fighting and disobeying Ed and doing the next right thing, we will one day be free of him.

You are doing an amazing job, Michelle. Keep taking it one moment at a time.

We just dropped our son off at at the airport. He probably won't make it back here until Summer at the soonest. We have to put his dog down Tuesday, so the goodbye between he and his dog was tear jerking. Driving home we both felt the empty nester thing again and its sad taking the sheets off the bed, picking up the bedroom. I know this week will be a little harder, given the energy of the holidays is gone and the energy of having company and our son here is done too. I'm enlisting extra support.......here.

So sorry to hear about having to put his dog down. That is such a difficult thing to do. Will be thinking about all of you on Tuesday.

I hope your son has safe travels.

I'm glad you are choosing to enlist extra support here for you during this transition week. You've got this, Michelle!!

Michelle wrote: "Heidi, I feel I have no support too. There isn’t an EDA nearby. 10 years ago I formed one by after a couple months I let it go. I have an alanon sponsor but since her ex was diagnosed with cancer s..."

Hi Michelle,
I'm so sorry it has been hard to find support. I know that Jenni often talks about how that was not a lot of support when she was seeking recovery, and how difficult that was. She would go to open "AA" meetings and found those very helpful. I did that, too, and I was overwhelmed by the kindness and support there. Of course, it is not the same as an EDA meeting and people discussing ED's specifically, but I feel all of us who are struggling with some kind of addiction are dealing with a profound soul hunger, an emptiness inside, and it helps to be around others who are seeking a solution for that. So maybe try open AA meetings.
Speaking of the soul, Jenni and Robyn from ERC will be doing a Facebook Live Event https://www.facebook.com/EatingRecove... on Jan. 4 at 7:30 EST on New Years ReSOULutions. I would definitely tune in for support, and I'm sure they will share more resources and ideas there.
I love Heidi's ideas about zoom meetings, too.
If you are interested in a new therapist, I can see if we have any referrals in your area in our ERC database. Where specifically are you located?
Please please don't give up. Your Yorkie baby, Brook, sounds sweet. In 2018, I will be doing free online SoulPaws workshops (http://soulpawsrecovery.org/) and you and Brook are welcome to join in. The dates will be announced soon.
You are so brave for sharing where you are at right now. It might not feel "brave" or "good" at the time, but I want you to know that I'm deeply moved and inspired by your courage. Please don't give up. Please keep seeking support. At ERC, we are here to help however we can! Sending you love.
-Shannon and Bella

Melody wrote: "Michelle, I am glad you are enlisting support here too! Sending so much love your way!"

Thanks for the love, Melody!

Shannon wrote: "Michelle wrote: "Heidi, I feel I have no support too. There isn’t an EDA nearby. 10 years ago I formed one by after a couple months I let it go. I have an alanon sponsor but since her ex was diagno..."

Shannon, I checked out soulpawsrecovery.org .... what an awesome and amazing program you've got there!! I watched one of the videos you have on the site too. Thank you for all that you do!!

Shannon, if I didn’t see your post and respond earlier I apologize. I am very interested in any help and in your dog thing. I did participate in Jenni and Robyn’s live thing 2 days ago. Very good and helpful! I want to read your book Pound for Pound. I am very involved in AA and have 2 1/2 years of sobriety thru the program. I have a hard time using the program for anorexia though. I need a woman I can see, hear and talk to. I haven’t found her or him yet. Please share the dates when you know them for the event Soul Paws. I had to put our schnauzer Smokey to sleep this week and am struggling with it. Brook was placed on gabapentin yesterday so it’s been a tough week. God bless, Michelle Schramm

Michelle wrote: "Shannon, if I didn’t see your post and respond earlier I apologize. I am very interested in any help and in your dog thing. I did participate in Jenni and Robyn’s live thing 2 days ago. Very good a..."

Hi Michelle - That is so cool about your wanting to participate in Soul Paws...an amazing program!

Have you ever read ? This book was written specifically for us. It is great. (I wish it had existed when I was sick.) Eating Disorders Anonymous also has free online meetings: https://jennischaefer.com/resources/ (Scroll down to free support!) Thanks again for participating here!

So great to read about the wonderful things that others have found to be helpful in finding support in recovery.

Sorry I have kind of disappeared from the discussions. I had our first baby back in May, and though I adore her and am so happy to finally be a mom, I've also been majorly struggling with postpartum anxiety. I kind of regressed from everyone. I've tried to reach out a bit, but haven't done so well. I've started to have issues with things that I thought I had mostly conquered -- PTSD symptoms, ED thoughts and some behaviors ... though with the ED stuff, I've done better than usual, as I'm nursing and know that anything that I would do (or not do) wouldn't just be affecting me anymore. Guilt works. ;)

I've considered reaching out for support off and on for months. Last night, I finally sent an email to the director of the postpartum support at the hospital where I delivered our daughter telling her a bit about what's going on and asking for some help. She called me back this evening, and I have an appointment with her on Thursday morning for an evaluation and to see where to go from there. It seems like such a minor thing, but took a lot for me to get here.

I've lost most of my support team over the years. I have REALLY not wanted to have to go back to any form of therapy or treatment or whatever. I have to admit starting back up with this stuff is scary, especially when it's essentially from scratch. But, my daughter is worth it ... and hopefully so am I.

Jenni- thanks for recommending the book Eating Disorder Anonymous. I want to participate in support and forget about online meetings. I mah do a small study of a recovery related book with a gal I met at your online ERC live chat.
Support and holding each other accountable is so important.

Jodi,
Good for you seeking support and looking out for you and your daughter. Don’t suffer in silence. I had ppd with both babies and I suffered way too long before seeking treatment. You owe it to yourself to make good memories during this special time!

Thanks so much, Michelle. 💜

Michelle wrote: "Jenni- thanks for recommending the book Eating Disorder Anonymous. I want to participate in support and forget about online meetings. I mah do a small study of a recovery related book with a gal I ..."

HI Michelle - Thanks for letting me know. That is so cool! I am very happy to know that you are connecting. (Ed hates that, BTW.) Good for you.

Jodi wrote: "So great to read about the wonderful things that others have found to be helpful in finding support in recovery.

Sorry I have kind of disappeared from the discussions. I had our first baby back in..."

Hi Jodi - Again, per my last comment, you are an inspiration. Getting the help that you need is such a great example to others. I am deeply sorry to know about your current struggles. Many of my friends have struggled in similar ways. They sought help--and got better. Stay strong. You got this.