Fantasy Buddy Reads discussion

Got permission from our Margret to start this thread.
Basically, it's for anything you have created yourself - poems, videos, stories, knitting, woodwork, gifs. Links to blogs and youtube channels are welcome. I'm thinking even photos and bookshelf arrangements.
Ahdam, we're waiting for your movie right here))

Of course I started this thread with me in mind, lol (but I SOOO hope ppl will join in), so here is a link to the poems page of my humble royal blog.
http://indifferent-musings.blogspot.r...
The only recent one is the first one.
Also the twitter jingle didn't make it to the page, so here it is:

Better get the vodka, maybe a liter
Because the truth, it’s very very bitter
Not that that’s that much on twitter
And if you send me a letter
I’ll fuck your favorite setter
But don’t you be a quitter
Just hit me up on twitter

Also, check out the few posts on the blog as well. The last one was SOOO underappreciated, maybe it'll start a discussion even.

Remnants of my photoshop days:

I'm tempted to put my short film script here for you guys to read but for now I would like to link you guys my new blog that I have started called Ahdams Stories and pretty much its gonna be about anything with a story books, films, theatre and more and I'm just gonna gush over it

So far the blog is barebones but give me some time and I will try and get things up and running right now I am working on a rant about a specific film which grinds my gears so look out for that

https://ahdamstories.wordpress.com/

I might see if I can get my friends permission to show my first ever short film I made for university this semester because despite the flaws I'm happy I made A film

You know what since I'm bored and tired and just blech after working for full week I think I'll show you guys my script I would love to know what you guys think and maybe get some people on this thread also maybe some feedback would be nice as well...... if you want

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YPLS...

Enjoy

Can't tell yet, I'm not finished. But here are mistakes I found. Native speakers, feel free to speak up cause I'm russian.


what are you doing behind the door?

("at the door" + the answer to the question begs it to be "doing standing at the door")

Adam sits on the sofas

(sofa - singular)

Farah takes it of and

(off)

It's a magical hat Farah

(comma after "hat")

Your weird

(you're)

Anyway where's everybody else.

(question mark)

Right I hope you don't mind

(comma after first word)

but before I do that there is something I need to do.

(But there's something I need to do before that.)

and where did you get that hat?

(capital letter in first word)

so are you ganna chip in?

(capital letter in first word)

To what?

(for what)

Yeah we told you ages ago

(comma after first word)

For god's sake adam how can you forget her birthday? what are you gonna do now?

("adam" in commas + capital letter in "what")

You say that but its never done

(but you never do)

Back into the real world.

(question mark)

I am in the real world your the one that's in fairy land if you think you can tell me what to do.

(comma after "world" + the one WHO'S + you're)

I'm not saying anything I'm just saying

(contradictory. you can't change it to "i'm not blaming/judging you" because she IS)

something how about that in fact.

(question mark + commas after "something" and "that")

from his head scrunches

(comma after "head")

Give her this

(period)

your 20 years old yet you act like your 5

(period + 2 you're)

Don't tell me to.

(tell what exactly? she didn't ask him to act like he's five)

Adam and Mia stops arguing and both regain there composure.

(stoP + theIr)

Nothing I was just leaving.

(comma after first word)

He is watching videos... and articles

(READING articles)

He opens the contents

(He opens the book to reveal photos)

schedule and there house

(their)

Next time link to a docx. This is tiring without copypaste, Ahdam. Get someone to proofread, cause I only made it to page five. I'll finish reading it but without correcting mistakes.

Well nice to get some feedback I’ve learned that it’s nice to have people compliment work but what you really want is people to tell you what’s they like AS WELL AS what they didn’t like sooooo cheers for that and yeah I need to get used to punctuation big time it really is a weakness of mine

You don’t have to correct mistakes unless that helps you read it I’m mainly looking at thoughts on the story really like do you think this should happen there or something else can happen there than that

But cheers idiffer I’ll see what I can do to help ease your mind

Had to go sell some books, will finish the script a bit later and tell you what I thought about the story (if I have anything worthwile to say).

And good that you reacted the way you did to my corrections. Not all ppl get it. Being a translator myself, and working with editors who constantly find mistakes in my work, I learned that it's one the best things you could get. Complimenting is easy, finding mistakes sometimes isn't. And the goal isn't to say you did bad work, the goal is to make your work better than it is, that's all.

Coolio also went on a trip to Yorkshire dales and thought I do some photography since I’m sill a bit rusty but I’ll try to put it on later today

Also I’ve had a thought of doing a small project as I was filming videos and I’m gonna edit them to see what happens

Ok, so I'll be honest and hope you appreciate that.
The script was sort of familiar, maybe I watched a few stalker films and read alot of synopses of stalker books. I expected a bigger plot twist, I guess. Though it's a SHORT film and you don't have a budget to make the greatest film of all time, so yeah. And alot depends on how you shoot it. I take it that's the biggest part of the assignment - to see how you learned the techniques. So I'll have to see the finished product for that.

@idiffer cheers for the feedback I understand if you think the story is similar I’m not aiming to write original stories as this was inspired by stuff I saw in media

To be fair I don’t think originality exists anymore I’m not saying it’s an excuse to write similar stories but I think it’s all blank it someone’s viewpoint of the subject matter

Interesting when you said you expected a better plot twist since I wanted it to end with the main characters psyche being shattered by his actions and leaving a dead husk in its wake. I had thought of having a pregnancy test to add to the horror of what the main character did but I didn’t think it needed it

On your last point you never know there have been some really great short films and it’s especially hard to do short films because you’ve got to tell a contained story and usually simple is better and I don’t know maybe when I am confident with filming and have practiced a bit more in filmmaking I’ll make this film with my mates soon

I k ow the last paragraph was messy but thanks idiffer for reading my script it feels so nice to have an outsiders opinion on my script and have some criticism of it and I hope to improve it a bit more until I feel confident to make it into a film

@Ahdam I used that 'I'm 20yrs old I'm not a 5' line when I was 20 :)))

Cool thread, interesting material.

Mama’s been busy as per usual

https://instagram.com/p/BiHpCovh9hB/

Instead of bombarding with endless photos, I'm just going to share instagram as well. I only have creative projects on there and am using it as motivation to do something creative every day https://www.instagram.com/the_obsessi...

Ooh that looks cool

You know what I’ve decided to take the leap and show you guys my 5 minute short film since I showed you guys my video I’ll put it up here and I will definitely delete this tomorrow after work

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1kNQ...

I will delete this tommorow out of respect for friends but I’d like to know what you think since I will be cringing as you watch it also I might tell you guys some of my roles in the production and some of the stuff that happened which I liked and was also frustrated by so.....enjoy?


Also I realise that this looks like I’m trying to trump nikis creation and it really isn’t so sorry about that 😓😓😓

Also followed 😁😁😁

Look forward to see your new creations

Ahdam wrote: "Ooh that looks cool

You know what I’ve decided to take the leap and show you guys my 5 minute short film since I showed you guys my video I’ll put it up here and I will definitely delete this tom..."

No worries - totally didn't feel trumped :)

Ahdam wrote: "Ooh that looks cool

You know what I’ve decided to take the leap and show you guys my 5 minute short film since I showed you guys my video I’ll put it up here and I will definitely delete this tom..."

LOVED that Ahdam. Like, genuinely loved that.

My favorite part was the "I....shit" lol

Awesome work. :)

Cheers Niki I’m glad you liked it (I’ll take your word for it)

I think you would be surprised to hear that this 5 minute short film with a simplistic story about an autistic boy gaining some independence from mum was rife with problems from the start

Take my word for it, and try to stop being so disparaging of your work.

Is there such a thing as a writing group but for film creation? Being in such a critique grouped helped me get comfortable sharing my work. It also helped me take constructive criticism with thicker skin, accept praise for good stuff, and most importantly, know when to ignore people's opinions and just stick to my vision. It seems the more you put yourself out there, the better. These groups also help because they're sharing their work too, so there's an instant reciprocated respect. Just a thought.

Maybe but I think I've learned a lot about this film that I will draw up to experience for a short film

1) preparation this film lacked it and we literally had to rush to get footage ((didn't even do proper auditions) because we didn't have anything a few weeks before the deadline

2) Focus- due to people having deadlines we couldn't focus on the film and because of this I had to sort out most of the film myself since I did the majority of editing sound design and colour correction was on me and the last 2 I had little to no experience with how did it sound by the way?

3) Interest- This is something I lame the university for and not my friends because they tried but what happened was that they put all the creative writing students in a film module and this was problematic because once we written the script there interests had ended there and because of that the work wasn't as good as I wanted and while people did try to pull there weight you can't really make a film if your not interested in making a film

I think there might be some writing events in leeds I think they vary a bit and there are a few film festivals in my area and Leeds (fun fact the first ever film was filmed in Leeds) so I might see if I can find it somewhere

Also to your point there is a fine line with how I interact with this film as in one sense I'm proud of making a film but at the same time I dont want to treat it as my baby and say its perfect because I know it can be better and I guess in a way that probably drives me to make more films or videos and improve my craft would you be surprised if I told you that within after a year of university I learned how to use a camera and take up photography I can also use editing software and make videos like I did 2 weeks ago and I've dabbled in visual effects as well and made some cool stuff

Also if you want to know I was behind the camera for the first scene (up to sam leaving for his break) and I wasn't present for the rest which I regretted and like I said I devoted most of my time in post production but I need to learn how to use time in pre production well so I can make better films because despite the trouble and the issues and the times I wanted to scream in my pillow for stuff not going right..... I still want to make films/stories

P.S since we are sharing Instagram's and I forgot to do it here and I mentioned it earlier here is my photography account that I hope to utilise more in the future

https://www.instagram.com/ahdamrana_p...

boo I'm at work and don't have time to watch it!

That's where your in luck its only 5 minutes long enough time to watch it during your break........you do have breaks right?:) :) :)

k I'm watching it now :P

I have the shittiest speakers at work so I could barely hear it, but I stayed engaged the whole time, and despite it being so short I thought it was quite enjoyable!

great job! and I have been following you on IG for quite some time, I enjoy watching life on the other side of the world

Cheers and that’s okay if you read my post up above you might understand the stuff I did and the problems I ran into when making the film (all the people in the cafe including the main character were also the crew and the mother was one of my mates mums due to delayed auditions and extras cancelling at the last second)

For a minute I thought you said “your” life there and I was like riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@ Niki - just had a look at your instagram account. Saw your bookshelves and started drooling. It wasn't pretty.

As an aside, here's one of the (very) few pieces of original fiction I ever put in the internet - it's sort of a character introduction. Sadly that site (Elfwood) is now closed so it's currently orphaned. It's called 'Dancer'. Spoilers (so you don't have to read it if you don't want to).

(view spoiler)[
She knew something was wrong a moment after she turned into the alley; she could sense an air of vague menace, the scent of predators, even before she spotted the figures crowded around a small fire, hunched half in the shadow of an empty doorway. She briefly considered retreating but they'd noticed her now and the surest way to draw predators was to run, she knew.

Bracing herself, she continued walking, staring fixedly at the far end of the alley as the faint drizzle continued to fall. She could see them out of the corner of her eye: four young men – no, five - to judge from the stealthy noises behind her, soles scuffing on cobbles, clothing rasping on bricks another member was sneaking up on her from behind. Does the idiot think I'm deaf? She wondered.

“Well, well; take a look at this, boys.” He had to be the leader, wiry and pockmarked, dressed in worn, scuffed leathers. Light winked dully on metal rings and studs as he strolled forward to block her way, thumbs hooked in his belt. “Where ya going to, silverhair?”

She ignored his words, stopping in front of him as the other members of his little band sauntered forward, spreading out in a loose semi-circular line behind him. “Can you move out of my way, please?” Her voice was low, with a faint rough edge.

“No need to rush off, babe. You can spend some time with us.”

She scowled at him. “I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm not in a good mood. Do yourself a favour and get out of my way. Now.”

A couple of the men sniggered, but she ignored them, gaze locked with the leader's. He flushed and raised a hand, metal claws sliding out from underneath his nails and locking into place with a tiny scnick. “You'll give us your time and whatever else we fancy, bitch.”

She snorted with contempt, flicking back a loose strand of hair from her cheek. “Am I supposed to be scared or something?”

His colour deepened to purple. “You're fucking dead, you whore!” He spat.

Not yet.” She let her cloak drop to the ground, drawing a pair of short, slender swords from her belt. She spun in a quick circle, blades flashing to take the one behind her in throat and stomach, the impossibly sharp edges cutting through skin, muscle and cartilage with ease. And then she was facing the others again, so quickly she seemed not to have moved at all, save for the body cooling behind her and the crimson sheen on her blades.

She gave a tiny, feral smile at the thugs, who stared at her in disbelief. “My name's Dancer,” she said calmly, a snarl under her words. “Let me show you boys how I earned it.”

~~~~~~~

Ten minutes later she crouched to wipe her blades clean on the remains of the leader's shirt. Sheathing her swords, she grimaced when she caught sight of his claws, blunted and chipped. “If you're going to have those things fitted you really should take care of them,” she remarked to his corpse.

With a faint shrug she picked up her cloak, cursing softly at the filthy damp stains on it and continued on her way.
(hide spoiler)]

Interesting story shaitarn with the character but no offence I think it could be better

You said it’s a character introduction did you write a character outline because I try to do that since it helps me think of the traits the character has and puts me inside the head so I know what the character would do and I like that you wanted to make a badass character but I think there needs to be a build up towards who she actually is and what she can do

I was thinking of a character in a video game and if someone annoyed him and didn’t stop annoying him when he counted to 3 they would be killed and maybe you could utilise this idea here maybe the woman gives them a chance to leave and we could take this a step further if we want and make her hate fighting the men and she would count to 3 to give the men a chance to leave her or something

Also the same goes with the men I don’t like how they called her derogatives almost immediately as it doesn’t feel smart as they seem to be planning this and I think what a robber of whatever they are doing here demands control and calling someone whore doesn’t feel effective the claws were pretty good way to threaten someone as action speaks louder than words

Finally some of the dialogue needs a bit of work and trust me your not the only one with the problem I would recommend reading the dialog out loud because I’m not sure about the character proclaiming herself dancer

Ooh I had an idea why not one of the thugs recognises her somewhere and tries to warn the big guy but he doesn’t listen and then after the slaughter the man who tried to warn the boss is bleeding and this dialogue happens

“Don’t kill me”

“What’s my name?”

“Please I’ve got a family I just needed the money please don’t....”

“WHATS MY NAME?”

“DANCER DANCER IM SO SORRY PLEASE I DONT WANT TO DIE PLEASE (wails)”

“Go home but if I see you again ....you’ll know what will happen”

Man runs away Dancer falls to the ground weeping


I’m sorry shaitarn if you feel I’m insulting your work it wasn’t my intention I guess I love stories a lot and being a firm believer that criticism is a lot better than compliments I feel like you might have something interesting there and if you ever decide to make it bigger then I would be interested to read it

One of the best writing advice I was given was scripts aren’t written they are rewritten rewritten rewritten and I’m happy you shared this story with us and hopefully you won’t be intimidated about my critiques

Shaitarn wrote: "@ Niki - just had a look at your instagram account. Saw your bookshelves and started drooling. It wasn't pretty.

As an aside, here's one of the (very) few pieces of original fiction I ever put in ..."

Thanks - I'm always drooling over them. It's a problem. ;)

Nice - it read to me like a scene out of a few books I've read this year. I love it when the unsuspecting criminals get what's coming to them. And hells yeah for a blade dancing heroine. :) Is it part of a larger construct or just a flash fiction piece?

I didn't realize we were sharing for extensive critique, I thought it was more of a "hey, look what cool things I've been doing!" thread.

Sorry about that 😬😬😬

But if you think about it someone critiquing someone’s work shows that they are not only intrigued about there work but care for them since the critiques I have may be extensive and too much but I just love stories and it’s always a pleasure to read everyone else’s stories hell you can read my script and tell me what you think If you want and rip it apart 😂😂😂😂

Agree with Ahdam - you have to care to critique, if not about the product then about the person. Though I didn't really anticipate ppl being against it.

I'm not against critiquing, I just needed a mind shift is all.
As you were...

@ Ahdam & Niki No, look, it's fine; constructive criticism is fine - it's how we learn, right? It's only when people leave unhelpful stuff like 'Your writing sucks!' that I start sharpening my blades and vowing revenge.

Truthfully this was just a small idea I had and wanted to write - I have no plans to write any more about that character, I just have a mild obsession with the idea of a fantasy/cyberpunk crossover. So really flash fiction (thank you, Niki, for giving me the phrase I couldn't remember!).

Shaitarn wrote: "@ Ahdam & Niki No, look, it's fine; constructive criticism is fine - it's how we learn, right? It's only when people leave unhelpful stuff like 'Your writing sucks!' that I start sharpening my blad..."

Well I think you showed great potential as a writer and while I'm considered an amateur I really want to see other stories and learn from it and I tend to have ideas based off stuff I witness such as my script I put here was based on how I saw the public viewing vigilantism and why it's just a no no

I actually have an idea for a dystopian since I love dystopian societies and I'll give you guys a premise and see what you guys think

For Great Britain (Working Title)

It is the year 2020 and England celebrates 100 years of Scientocracy where the people must work to better themselves and England to attain world peace.....but at what cost?

In this world there are no human rights if you are deemed unfit to function in society you will be used as guinea pigs to test new drugs all to better England

Children are put through rigour tests at school until they take the final test at 21 when they are given a job role where they will work until they die

However Great Britain is under attack by the insurgents who wish to destroy all the progress we have created and we must keep an eye out for these insurgents by watching your every move and hearing all what you say as anyone who speak ill of Great Britain is an insurgent who must be eradicated

This is the world of the story but the actual story is focused on 2 people a man named Jason who is indifferent with the state of great Britain as he believes the end justifies the mean. He is turning 21 soon meaning he will take the test and will be placed in a role which he will work till the day he die but after a few turn of events he finds himself in a room with a big mirror and on the other end is not himself but a girl in a world just like our own and here we introduce Kate who is an activist who wishes to break down walls and go against what society offers

2 people one who is content with the confines of the society while the other wishes to break them down and forge a new path and they both meet each other in a small isolated room where no one can hear them and well we will have to see


So that's my story and its only fair for you to critique my story since I did that to yours shaitarn sooooooo what do you think?

Re posts 7&8...this was so nice of you...Andy! To help @Ahdam like this....

@Shai...read it and 😃
@Ahdam...I know i forgot to say but thanx for the Yorkshire dales photos...looks like y'all had such fun.
Video wouldnt load for me tho.

Now I'm just looking at ALL the things...on this thred...

Thanks Zaara it’s great to see people’s creations and I may be abusing this thread to the max it’s nice to show some of my work to some people

I’ve decided I won’t delete the 2 videos since I don’t think it’s that bad but I might as well put my Malham cove video on here as well

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1CDS...

That’s interesting Zaara does it say there’s an error or it won’t load because it might be a connection issue or something bht don’t take my word on it please

Also don’t forget to have a look at my script and feature film premise love to k ow what you think

@Ahdam
Where's the second video? I only see your 5 min one + Malham cove

@Z
Join us! I bet you're uber creative))

Those are the 2 videos I think I mean I won’t delete the Malham cove video and the short film and the film is still in the original post I’m just putting the Malham cove video here since o didn’t do it before

@Ahdam
Btw, I think for 5 min the concept is really great.
Though you kept saying "he", but isn't it a girl who awooned over a guy?

If your talking about the film I hope you understood the story because one of the biggest regrets I have was not making the disability visual for the audience since we had to tell you in order for you to understand

Also the main guy is also a friend that was in the same module as me and helped make the film and to be honest he wasn’t considered for the role as we originally wanted the character to be played by someone with Down syndrome but we couldn’t get anyone in time so we castes him since he was autistic and he is also non binary I believe think what you will by yeah he’s a guy and he fit the parts sooo there’s that

Love this thread, so many cool creations!

Of course I stalked all of you on Instagram 😂 Your clothes are amazing Margret, I wish I could sew like that, but I never found the time to learn how to use my sewing machine properly...

Jesus Anni you need to take it easy on the stalking you could get in trouble at least follow us so the stalking is tolerable 😂😂😂😂😂

Ahdam wrote: "Jesus Anni you need to take it easy on the stalking you could get in trouble at least follow us so the stalking is tolerable 😂😂😂😂😂"

It's not my fault, you making it far too easy :P And I did for sure! :)

Oh looks like you did well hope you don’t mind you follow my personal so you get bombarded on both sides

Also cheers Beste for the follow as well I followed you as well

I sound so creepy saying that 😓😓😓

I’ve been a creep this whole time, Miche and I follow each other, and all the mods I am friends with and creep extensively. Especially Niki and her Library and BuJo projects

I'm the worst at stalking. Most clumsy to be exact.
I accidentally like pics when&where its most inappropriate to do so.
Therefore its best to be direct for me:)
Hope its ok for you too:))))

Edit:I can always undo that and stalk you creepily until I like one of your pic