flight paths discussion

The new place is wonderful, full of light and I anticipate I'll be reading a lot!

The Remains of Love by Zeruya Shalev reminded me a lot of E Ferrante. Need I say more to tempt>

No....you need not say more. I will be on the lookout for a copy.

I'm so glad that your new place is light and homey, Magdelanye. It makes me feel good to know that you are safe and warm.

I'm half through The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and really enjoying it.
I also think I'm at the end of The World to Come. The story is starting to wrap up. There are so many elements in this story and the author juggled them all well: Jewish history, crimes, family saga, personal growth, Jewish folklore.
I am really enjoying the folklore story of the Mortals & the Nates (children in the 9 months before they are born being taught by people who have lived & died). It's truly lovely.
I think I'll finish this on my next run.

I am going to tai-chi class tonight. We have 2 new people (a nice couple) and a man who has taken lessons before and knows a lot of the moves already (but not all of them). It's an interesting mix of "talent" levels.

Thank you Petra! Not only am I safe and warm, I am over the moon at the beauty and the light and the quiet here.

Hope you got some good runs in before the deluge!

Very looking forward to The World to come

Hope everyone has a restorative long weekend

Magdelanye, I loved The World to Come. The story of the Paradise of Mortals & Natals alone was worth the read. The rest of the story added to that. What a wonderful author! Thank you for introducing me to her. She writes the stories I really like: based in many ways in reality but also including the more spiritual, unknowing side of this universe/existence that could or may be a part of our world as well.
I'm really glad you mentioned this author.

I have not been running much for the past week. Last week was so busy. I had someplace to go every day after work that brought me home too late to go out and left me too tired to get on the treadmill.
On Saturday, my brother brought over his dog, Daisy, to stay with us for 2 weeks. She's a sweetie. We've been helping her adjust to her new home. She does miss him & my sister-in-law but she's also comfortable with us, so she isn't stressed. She won't go for walks; won't leave our property. I think she's afraid to leave in case he returns.
It's only been 2 days. I hope she "forgets" soon and starts to go for walks. Tomorrow I will drive her to a park to see if a new, exciting park region that is away from our house will help.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of us Canadians! I hope everyone is having a very restful weekend. We aren't cooking a turkey....they are just too large for us.
Happy Columbus Day to all our American friends. I hope you're all enjoying a wonderful long weekend.

What's everyone been up to this weekend?

Petra I'm so glad you share my feelings re DH. You will probably love the one I read, guide for the perplexed.
After such a heavy dose of Jewish mysticism the reading angels discovered Elif Sharma who in her fiction takes an almost identical approach to Sufi mysticism and the intertwining if souls.
I have sent my recommendation to most everybody. Sorry to Megan...didn't see you on my friends list, and Ice Bear because I'm not sure you would love it. You still haven't read the dark London trilogy which i am certain you will love. surprise me!

@Magdelanye. Thanks for the book recommendation. I am glad you like your new digs.
For the past week (and more this week) I have been enjoying a few foreign films as part of the Vancouver international film festival aka VIFF. I love all the foreign films I have seen so far!!
I am reading Lake Success and admire the way his characters are so imperfect.
I am gearing up for the NANOwrimo coming up in a few weeks.
I hope everyone has had a good thanksgiving with good food and happy company.

Return from holiday of Geoffrey Archer's Clifton Chronicles - predictable and dependable holiday read and a couple of PD James books - taking you on holiday to a place you might not want to go !

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Ours was very low key, we're doing a big family dinner/family photos at my mom & dad's this coming weekend.

I've been trying to finish off Bingo 2018 on the other group, so that's what I've been mostly up to. I have a few of the giller short list on hold at the library.
Also, in the spirit of truth & reconciliation, I want to wish all the Americans a wonderful Indigenous Peoples Day.
I finished reading Jonny Appleseed which I loved and finally finished reading Peace of Mind: Becoming Fully Present.
@Magdelanye, glad you're settling in! and I will have to push that dark London trilogy up my reading list, maybe for my Xmas break!

Good morning! I hope everyone had a terrific weekend.

Daisy has finally gone for a walk with me. She wouldn't leave the yard for the first week she was with us but I kept taking her to the park (she loves a car ride) and trying to walk her. On Saturday, she walked! On Sunday, she walked our neighbourhood!
So much has changed in her life that I can't blame her for being wary of the big outdoors, which has totally changed from her regular outdoors. It's rather sad that we cannot explain to our pets that their owners are coming back and the changes in their lives are temporary.

We have her until a week this Wednesday. She's really sweet. I'll miss her after I give her back to my brother.

Thanks everyone for your best wishes. I will love it here as long as i can! It is a wonderful spot for reading.

Petra i dont think i mentioned that the main dog at my place in Roberts Creek is called Daisy, and so is the dog of my best friends Kathleen and Joe, who lived just down the street. I have been wondering if your Daisy had relaxed enough yet to go for walks, so Im glad to hear the alternative. Perhaps it will be much easier next time!

Did I mention reading Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath's Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power If only I had this book when I was growing up!

Now that I have finally finished Generosity: An Enhancement by Richard Powers I want to read everything he's ever written. I got The Echo Maker today and two more on reserve.

I get to decide what to read next! will it be that, or Dara Horn Eternal Life or a quickie Murakami?

There's a "quickie" Murakami??!!! (other than The Strange Library) LOL!

I'm currently reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and really enjoying it.

A choice between Murakami and Dara Horn is difficult.

Daisy wouldn't go for a walk yesterday. Perhaps I spoke too soon. I was so hopeful after 2 walks over the weekend.

Daisy must be a common(ish) doggie name. I hadn't realized that. It does suit Daisy well. She's so sweet and cheery.

Poor Daisy, it's hard when their people aren't there.

It sure is. She seems happy, which is good. But there are moments when I think she's missing her people. She'll be so happy to see them again next Wednesday. I just wish I could tell her they are coming back soon.

Poor Daisy. It is so sad to see animals suffer in any way; there is no way to comfort them, even when things are going to be okay. I've been out of touch so I don't know if her humans came back already but I hope so.

I just bought the new Murakami. I love him; I can't wait to start the new one. I haven't read Dara Horn so I'll have to look into it.

Work has been extremely stressful and home life has not been much better due to offspring issues. I was able to read this weekend and enjoyed Kate Atkinson's Transcription tremendously. I love Atkinson and this was no exception. Even though it's a spy novel which is not at all my kind of story it was wonderful. I have been so stressed and busy that I have not been able to read at all recently so this was a huge treat.

Ellie!!!! I'm so glad you posted. I'm sorry that work is so stressful. I'm really sorry to hear that home isn't more restful right now. I hope everything gets sorted soon.

I just finished Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle today. I'm a big fan of his, too.

I have a sensitive issue to ask advice on.
My step-dad is a lovely man. I want to visit him when I can.
He's getting "odd" about things and I'm not sure if it's finances or plain cheapness or what. I don't think it's finances, he says it isn't (but he lies, so I'm not 100% sure). However, he golfs, he travels, he goes out for dinners/lunches/beers.
Over the years, he's stopped using the heating in his house, so I no longer visit during the cold months; he visits us during that time.
He lives in dirty conditions. I wash each cup, plate, utensil I use before using it. He comments on my "germaphobia" every time but there are obvious food and grease marks on the plates and lip prints on the cups. I'm constantly leery about his pots and pans but try hard not to think about this.
In the past year, he has started limiting the amounts of food he serves when I'm there. I think he's sharing his solitary dinner with me by splitting it between us. He says he no longer eats much but when he visits us, he eats a normal amount. I bring food with me when I go there or I purchase food for us. He freezes it and uses it when I'm not there.

I'm going there on Wednesday to return Daisy to my brother. My step-dad just mentioned on the phone that we will be having fish for dinner on Wednesday that he has left-over from a package he defrosted for tonight's dinner. That means that he defrosted the package either today or yesterday. He's now mad at me for saying that I will not eat the fish because it will be off. He says he will cook the fish tomorrow and reheat it on Wednesday. I still do not want to eat it.
He lies. Often. To cover up what he thinks people will disapprove of.
He may not cook the fish tomorrow, He may have defrosted the fish a day or two ago.
I will bring along a casserole or something for the two of us but want to tell him this before I go over on Wednesday and do not know how to do so without angering him.

Am I being overly offensive or sensitive as a guest?
I would stay with my brother but my step-dad would be hurt. He's alone too often as it is.
I want him to be comfortable but I also want to feel safe (health wise). I already feel cold, uncomfortable and wary when there but can deal with that.
I have not felt comfortable in his home for years but always try to make the best of things and find ways around his idiosyncrasies. But if I cannot trust the state of the food, I will have to stop visiting him. I am pretty sure that even if I "win" this issue over the fish, he will "learn" from the experience and lie in the future.
I don't want to stop visiting him, if at all possible, but see things going in this direction.
My husband stopped visiting his home years ago and I don't blame him.

Any suggestions on how I can talk to my step-dad and what I can tell him? He got angry tonight when I said that fish doesn't keep longer than a couple of days. With his lies, I don't trust Wednesday's dinner already and do not know what to do for both Wednesday and the future.

Any suggestions or thoughts (even if it turns out I'm the one who is wrong) are appreciated.
If I'm in the wrong, I'd like to become more flexible and will work on being so.

This is a stressful situation for me. It has been for years and this incident is threatening to push the situation over the edge.

A few years back, I had to take care of my mother, (in Ontario) who sounded very similar to your step-dad. I never mentioned anything about food or cleanliness, I just brought food and quietly threw out 'gone' food. I washed pots and pans and dishes without saying why, just that I wanted to. Criticizing her just made her angry, so I just quietly did what ever had to be done, and not to my standard, just enough so she wouldn't get sick. After some situations of food and hygiene, I had my mom tested, and it turned out that she had some dementia, which is not the same for everyone.

Thank you, Mary Anne.
That's basically the method I'm using. I do what I can when I'm there and clean what I can.
How did you throw out the "gone" food? My step-dad sees all and knows what is in the fridge. I will look for opportunities of how I can give this a try.
I have tried to point out small things he could do to maintain the household but will stop doing that. I appreciate that feedback. I don't criticize but perhaps he takes it that way. He admits to thinking that housework and cooking are women's jobs. It's just the era he was brought up in. He appears to truly believe that women enjoy these tasks.
We've suggested a housecleaner but he refuses to let one in, even if we were to pay for it.

This is a difficult and sad situation that is really distressing me more and more.
I hope it isn't dementia. He seems so "with it" that I hadn't thought of that. I thought he is just getting lax in his old age. I don't imagine I will want to cook and clean when I'm almost 90.....heck, I don't want to do it now a lot of the time (LOL)….however, it's a part of life. He does so well in all things besides hygiene and cleanliness.

Petra: I'm so sorry about your situation. It sounds to sad and difficult. I have no easy advice to give. But I think if possible you should keep visiting. Keep your visits short. Bring your own food, if possible, I think. Get rid of his if you can but if you can't help him, try to give him the gift of your company. Limit the time you spend with him. He may be in the early stages of dementia or, as you say, he may just be getting old. You can't really fix the situation but maybe you can be present for him for short periods of time.

I wish you the best in dealing with this tough situation.

As for me, I keep telling myself it's only one more year but at the moment that seems impossibly long. I hope I can do it; I really need the money and it would help my daughter so much.

@Petra, I'm so sorry you're going through this. We had the exact same situation happen with my Grandpa after my Grandma passed away, to the point where a couple cousins of mine got food poisoning from eating at his house.
We all ended up bringing our own food (I have food allergies, so my mom used that as her excuse), but we also framed it as bringing a treat over so that it didn't seem like we were rejecting him.

Caring for ageing parents is the new norm, but unfortunately it is hard and they don't always want your help. Is there a support group in your area or maybe a therapist you could go see to help brainstorm some ideas about how to approach your step-father?

@Petra - In order to get food out of my mother's house I had to say that I was grateful to have the food to take to eat for the trip home or to eat at home. It is lying but it was to save her feelings and make her feel she was doing good. To save her dignity was not always easy. When I replaced her stove/oven because the oven did not work and none of the elements were firing, she clung to the old stove with tears in her eyes wanting the old stove even if she only used it for storage.
I took her laundry and washed it all at my place.
I lived about an hour away at the time.

Thank you, everyone. This is helping.

Mary Anne, I live 4 hours (including a ferry ride) away. I wish he did live closer. I could more easily clean house for him and "accidently" get rid of things.
I have taken things home "to use" and thrown them out, so I'm glad to hear I'm on the right track. I do want him to keep his dignity.
I wash his laundry when he's at our home but cannot take it with me from his home. Believe me, I've tried to figure out a way to do that but I don't see him that often so he wouldn't part from his clothes.

I'm a bit scared of going there on Wednesday and having him serve me fish. I will not eat it and I do not want to be disrespectful either. I'm not sure how to deal with this one.
I have thought about suggesting that I bring a meal to make it easier for us both and he should cook the fish now and freeze it for his own later use.
I'll suggest that but if he doesn't bite, I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to give myself food poisoning.

I told my mom that I was vegan and could not eat meat or dairy which goes off the easiest. I got sick once with bad chicken at her place so I was very careful. (Ironically, I am now in fact vegan).

Mary Anne, you are wise, brilliant and caring to your mom. I could hug you.
Thank you. All these suggestions are giving me food for thought.
I will find a way. He's such a good man. I worry about him and don't like that he's so far away.
Since my mom passed away in 2005, he's gotten very set in his ways and narrow in scope of what he does or wants to do. Some of that is aging, I'm sure. I sometimes think I am getting more rigid in some aspects as I age (although I hope I'm wrong). I still try to engage him in things he no longer does for short periods so that he gets some variety (and I know he used to like doing these activities).

I will definitely keep trying to make his life easier when and if I can.

This all happened about 15 years ago. My mom had a stroke about 8 years ago and I had to have her put in a nursing home as she could not even recognize me. She died shortly after.

My condolences, Mary Anne. It's difficult losing one's mother. I miss mine still; always will. Hugs.

Thank you!
I called my step-dad and suggested that I bring dinner as a surprise. When he worried about the fish, I suggested he cook it up and freeze it in serving-sized portions for future easy meals. I told him how much hubby & I enjoy having pre-cooked meals in the freezer for times when we don't feel like cooking.
He thought that was a good idea and agreed to that.
I'm glad that neither of us will be eating possibly tainted fish. I'll check the freezer when I'm there to make sure the fish is properly wrapped.

Thank you for helping with this difficult situation. I have learned a new way of approaching some issues and will continue to practice it.

@Petra, I'm happy there was a resolution to this situation!

tech issues have erased my last few comments, but i feel so gratified to read here all the caring messagess. Petra, I hope you feel good now about your imminent trip to Victoria. altho I know you will feel a tug when relinquishing Daisy, may your visit with step\dad be a good one.

Ellie, hang in there. Think of it as your chance to make a beautiful closure. You have been so strong and capable and important to those under your watch. I'm sure this includes your children as well as all the students whose lives you have impacted. I do understand the pressure and your time constraints, and by now I have a felt sense of your life there humming away so its like you are always here in my consciousness, but it is always nice to read you here.
I am on the laptop now and it seems to be working.
I still have to recreate my list of treasures from my last library visit. that was the day last week that i met with a tech assistant who has begun to help me sort out the issues that have been confounding me. We were able to post a couple of photos to our gallery but he could not figure out how to insert links. We experimented with one of my old reviews. It didnt work but it got quite a few likes.

ooff! almost lost this comment too while editing. That seems to be an issue. I wanted to note that most of us have gone through the agonizing death watch. Its so terrible to lose a parent, especially if you have not made peace. Dementia scrapes away at the veneer of personality but I believe the essential person is still there.

Three books I have just finished deal with these issues. Eternal Life by Dara Horn is such a delightful fancy I hated to have to return it to the library.
DH is surely in my top discoveries of the year. In our experimenting, the cover of this book is now my screensaver!
Richard Powers is definitely another kind of author for me, long on my Read Everything This Person Has Ever Written list. He is not an especially mellifulous writer but he does know how to write with compact urgency. I benefited from reading this Generosity: An Enhancement before Eternal Life.
All the while I read those books, my morning book has required super careful attention.Embodied Enlightenment: Living Your Awakening in Every Moment by Amoda Maa Jeevan This is a curiously intimate book and if you pick it up you will soon see why.AMJ regards death as just part of the cosmic cycle. She challenges us to go beyond egoic limitations and tap into no-self, infinite compassionate mind.

At least, after a month with her, I think so

theres a bit more joyous book news from this corner, tho maybe it ought to go in future plans, but I am attacking these books that I scored last week. Already gobbled Eternal Life by Dara Horn as mentioned but to top offmy haul there was The World to Come which I reserved back when Petra started it.
Another book I have long coveted is Ellies recommendation. Idly cruising the library shelves for my usual suspects list. now finally in my pile is Lucia Berlin, A Manual for Cleaning Women Selected Stories
A book Ive neen long ambivilent about committing to was also there on the shelf so now I also have A Visit from the Goon Squad to see for myself.

A bonus is a new to me Orhan Pamuk by the title the red haired woman. There seem to be 72 possible autors for this title which was published in 2017. My Name is Red is one of my all time all stars

Thanks Magdelanye for your kind statement. I've missed you all but have been so crazed and exhausted by work that I'm either working or sleeping. There seems to be no time for anything else and I miss my life outside of work. Even now, I'm rushing to touch base.

Also Magdelanye, the Licia Berlin is one of my most favorite collection of stories--or indeed any book--ever. I still think of her stories over a year later.

I liked A Visit from the Goon Squad a lot more than I expected. Also, I've been wanting to read the Pamuk for a long time. When I have time to read again, that's high on my list. (I don't even have time to read--you know things are bad!)

I wish everyone well and hope I'll be back soon.

The full moon has been out in it's full glory this week! It's been beautiful to look at on my morning commute.
In that thread, I'm currently reading Learning to Walk in the Dark which has been very complementary.

Having survived a week at the coast with my Grandsons I can now return to getting the garden ready for Winter - my favourite season.
Stuck into crime / mystery from the medieval Sarah Hawkswood Servant of Death to the present day Shetland Ann Cleaves Red Bones.
Some book tokens to use before the holidays !!