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Human Cull
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http://lyrics.wikia.com/wiki/Gilbert_..."
Well done!
Mod
A woman approached with two young boys. The first one was named Xander. I asked if it was with an X or a Z, as I've seen both. The mom spelled it. Then she added, "I might as well spell my other son's name. It's X-I-A-N." "Zian?" I asked, thinking along the lines of his brother's name. "No," she said. "It's pronounced Christian."
Well . . . okay, then.
If there's no way to go back in time, and keep these people from reproducing, let's cull them.
Please.
Mod
Adult dinner guests who insult their hostess by saying, "I don't like that." [Hence, the invention of poison desserts.]
People whose personal relationship with Jesus involves beating everyone else in the head with it, then they refuse to listen to your delusions in turn.
People who have to tell you what they paid for everything...even the stuff that's only marketed to the phenomenally stupid.
Doctors who still haven't learned to listen to their patients even though their services are as replaceable as socks on today's market. ["I should warn you, doc, that I did not take an oath to do no harm."]
Women who decline requests for a date with insults, such as "Do I look that desperate?" ["Well, now that you mention it, you do look a little ratty around the edges."]
People who run marathons when no one is chasing them with a knife.
Parents who ask you to watch their children without fair and just compensation, such as a new car or house.
People who fail to pay attention to a movie, then disturb your viewing experience with silly questions about the characters or action, like, "Why did he do that?" ["It was in the script, and he's getting paid."]
People who believe 'deodorant' is just a word they misspelled on a fifth grade test.
People who announce that they don't like chocolate, then blithely assume that you don't want their portion.
Elderly relatives making out their will who ignore subtle hints, such as, "I've always admired your gold coin collection."
Jehovah's Witnesses and door-to-door salesmen who take an irrational dislike to you loudly playing Who Let The Dogs Out while singing along with a refrain of, "It was me!"
People who hold up the queue at the checkout.The person who just stands there while her shopping is being scanned. (It's always a woman, in my experience; sorry ladies but it's true) Sometimes she chats with the person doing the scanning. Not until her last item has been scanned does she start to load everything into her shopping bags. When everything has been put in her bags, she realizes that she needs to pay. Oh, her purse with the cash or credit cards is at the bottom of one of the bags, with onions, carrots, tins of soup, salami, face-cream, wine and toothpaste on top.
Yes, you can guess the rest, and what the rest of us in the lineup are thinking.
Jay wrote: "People who run marathons when no one is chasing them with a knife."And have asked you to 'sponsor' them at so many pennies, dollars, pounds or cents per mile - for some charity or other.
Melki's mention of the parents and their weird naming habits are a perfect example of why we need aliens. I think the same logic which their brains run on transfers to so many areas that sometimes I wonder is it worth to step out of my house. I'm a bit late to this fine ray gun raffle, but I thought I would mention a few:
Those who stop to take a picture/selfie instead of helping some poor creature, human or another kind. And no cat's and cucumbers aren't friends.
People who loan your book and never return it, even when you hint that reading the same book for three years is a looong time. Or those who think it is theirs and have putten it onto their own shelf and you have to stare it for the rest of the eternity and feel that there was some fundamentally wrong shift in the universe and you know it, they know it, the whole freaking universe knows it, but it continues going on the same track.
And people who look at you funnily when you are serious that some sort of Armageddon which would take all the humans out and leave the animals behind would be a nice turn of the events. Am I the only one seeing the benefits starting fresh? Maybe this time around there would develop nicer monkeys?
Mod
Ooo - yeah. I once loaned some books to a friend, then saw them on a table at her yard sale. Friend or not, I say cull the bitch!
Melki wrote: "K.A. wrote: "People who loan your book and never return it, even when you hint that reading the same book for three years is a looong time."Ooo - yeah. I once loaned some books to a friend, then ..."
I agree. That is even worse than try to keep the book.
Mod
Have you tried:
"Sure, you can borrow MY book, but it's one that I dearly love. So, if it's not returned in sixty days, you must agree in writing to sign over your house, your car, and your firstborn male child. ...On second thought, I've met your kid. I'm taking your dog instead."
Or, something to that effect.
Jay wrote: "K.A. wrote: "People who loan your book and never return it, even when you hint that reading the same book for three years is a looong time..."Have you tried:
"Sure, you can borrow
MY
book, ..."
You have a good point. Next time someone eyes my books, I will use those lines.
If you could get a hold of that ray gun, who would you cull?