it's personal discussion

Unoriginal but it is what it is.

Hello and welcome :D

☯Phoenix~They/them☯ wrote: "Hello and welcome :D"

Hi!

If anyone else is reading this, helloo. This is a boring place where I say my boring and pessimistic thoughts. Most of the time it won't make sense xD. Even with the stress recently, I think I'm coping quite well. I say that but then mock week will come and I'll be screwed xD. For the moment though, I think I'm content. I'm looking forward to nojams, the long holiday after exams, maybe even Thorpe Park. Who knows if i'll still be friends with half the people by then. The future is a scary place but then so is the past. There's a lot of things I would rather die than have other people find out. My monumental screw up, for example, is one thing I sincerely regret. I make jokes about it, but i wonder if anyone may have caught up. Observation is a good skill.

Hi Emily

Hellooo

I guess it's not the internets fault in this case. It's the people on it

Sometimes I wonder if I'd discovered kpop sooner I would have found my piece of mind. I know a lot of people don't like it or say its manufactured pop which it is to a large extent but to me its been a safe haven. I can go literally the whole day withoout smiling and then when i open twitter and see a dumb meme or a video suddenly my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It does hurt sometimes when other people just seem to bash or hate on something that they know means a lot to you.

I was sensitive to it at first but now I realised that it shouldnt matter what others think. As long as I'm content. Maybe this feeds into the selfish persona others have seen from me but at this point I've come too far to not give myself a little something.

Selfish or self interested? That is the question.

Politics is getting to me.

I've seen other people do this and it's 2am here and I can't get to sleep so
(view spoiler)[
1:Is there a boy/girl in your life?
Romantically speaking, no. In general there are a few people.

2:Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?
A close friend talked to me about how i sometimes am insensitive. It hurt when she said that other people thoght the same but I forgive her. I admire her for coming to talk to me about it

3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”
Min yoongi

4:What’s something you really want right now?
Better seats for nojams

5:Are you afraid of falling in love?
I like the idea of it. Realistically, I don't think I ever will

6:Do you like the beach?
I'm a city kid... I've only been a few times when I was a kid but yeah I liked it

7:Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
With my younger sister

8:What’s the background on your cell?
The lock screen is a cute picture of some signs. Home screen in personal

9:Name the last four beds you were sat on?
Mine, My mum's

10:Do you like your phone?
It does what’s it’s meant to so yeah, I guess

11:Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
In terms of studying, not really. Everything else is average

12:Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?
Jenna

13:Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?
I don't like dogs

14:Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?
Depends on the situation

15:Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?
Zoo

16:Are you tired?
Extremely

17:How long have you known your 1st phone contact?
Since the womb.

18:Are they a relative?
Yep, my mother

19:Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?
Dont have any exes

20:When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?
It's probably been a year or so

21:If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?
I don’t know, probably not

22:Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Definitely not

23:How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?
Zero

24:Is there a certain quote you live by?
Not really

25:What’s on your mind?
A lot of things

26:Do you have any tattoos?
Nope

27:What is your favorite color?
Black

28:Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
No idea

29:Who are you texting?
Nobody at the moment

30:Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?
No

31:Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?
Yes

32:Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Not really

33:Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
No

34:Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yes

35:Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?
I'd be happy for them

36:Were you single on Valentines Day?
Yes

37:Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
Yeah I guess so

38:What do your friends call you?
Depends on when they met me

39:Has anyone upset you in the last week?
Yes

40:Have you ever cried over a text?
Yes

41:Where’s your last bruise located?
Back of my foot

42:What is it from?
New shoes

43:Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?
A couple days ago my mum found me drawing and both my parents are just really against that kind of stuff. So when she asked what I was doing i wanted to die

44:Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
My mum

45:Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?
Either my platforms or trainers

46:Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?
I wear a hijab so no bad hair days for me :p

47:Would you ever go bald if it was the style?
I don’t care much for ‘the style’.

48:Do you make supper for your family?
No but I help my mum out

49:Does your bedroom have a door?
Yes

50:Top 3 web-pages?
At the moment, ticketmaster, twitter and youtube

51:Do you know anyone who hates shopping?
I quite like it

52:Does anything on your body hurt?
Feet because of the shoes

53:Are goodbyes hard for you?
Depends on the person and reason

54:What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
Probably water

55:How is your hair?
A mess

56:What do you usually do first in the morning?
Take a piss

57:Do you think two people can last forever?
I don't see why not

58:Think back to January 2007, were you single?
Yes

59:Green or purple grapes?
Green

60:When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?
I don’t give hugs but other people do and it was from my best friend

61:Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Im in bed which is my favourite place

62:When will be the next time you text someone?
Probably tomorrow

63:Where will you be 5 hours from now?
Unconscious

64:What were you doing at 8 this morning.
Wishing it wasn't 8 AM

65:This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
No one

66:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
7 dorks actually

67:Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
No

68:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
Can't remember

69:Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
Yes, many times in exams. Ive learnt that the less i expect the better I perform

70:How many windows are open on your computer?
Zero

71:How many fingers do you have?
Ten. Thumbs are also fingers

72:What is your ringtone?
Bts - bst instrumental

73:How old will you be in 5 months?
Same age I am now but 5 months older

74:Where is your Mum right now?
Asleep

75:Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?
I've never fallen in love

76:Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
Yes for like a few seconds

77:Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
Yeah, pretty much

78:Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?
Didn’t have a crush in year 7

79:Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?
Only my made up boyfriend xD

80:Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
No

81:How many people have you liked in the past three months?
Zero normal people crushes

82:Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?
Omg this is so embarassing but yes. My mum and my doctor

83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
No

84:You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?
That is an unlikely scenario, but if it were to happen, I suppose I’d probably be with my friend.

85:If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?
Yes

86:What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?
There was three of us and we arrived a little late. One of us went to get a drink so we went ahead to theatre but instead of focusing on the first few minutes of the film I kept looking out for her so I could wave and let her know where our seats were. Pretty great day all in all

87:Who was your last received call from?
My mum

88:If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?
No

89:What is something you wish you had more of?
Confidence probably. Maybe in public speaking

90:Have you ever trusted someone too much?
Many times

91:Do you sleep with your window open?
No. I'm paranoid about bugs and flies getting in

92:Do you get along with girls?
Depends on the girl

93:Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
They do not need to know the truth but yes I am keeping a secret

94:Does sex mean love?
No

95:You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?
Not at all

96:Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?
Never

97:Did you sleep alone this week?
Yes

98:Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?
I do

99:Do you believe in love at first sight?
Not really, I believe one can be attracted to another at first site

100:Who was the last person that you pinky promised?
My friend. We promised not to spend money for a whole month so we coukd save up xD (hide spoiler)]

Wow I really don't make sense sometimes

My work ethic lately has veen extemely low lately which should be worrying me but I just feel nothing.

I think a part of me is stuck in that mentality that I generally tend to get decent grades so I may not have to put in the same amount of effort as others. This will probably come to bite me in the ass in a few months time.

I get called the dumbest smart person by a lot of people xD
I realise my general knowledge is almost always lacking but thats because I prefer to stay in my fanatasies

Reading about what goes on in the world makes me depressed and lose even more faith in humanity so I guess I just stopped reading the news. In a way its a form of cognitive dissonance.

I wonder who the fifth unique person who's clicked on this thread is.

If you're reading this, hello :)

This first page is very unattractive. This is why whenever I get a new sketchbook the first page is left empty. It helps to breathe easier

Being sensitive isn't a bad thing, yet so many people seem to make out like it is. They think you're weak, unable to handle things. always feeling like they have to tiptoe around you so that you don't break. I guess nobody truly knows me. All I need is me, I know. it can be tiring when other people think they have you all figured out. When really, it's just based on assumptions. Nothing to validate what they're saying. Why? Because they think your silence is confirmation enough. When the truth is, they don't know the first thing about you.

This journal is full of contradictions. Maybe I should change the title to that.

What is honesty isn't being reciprocated?

I promise not to say things and if I do break that promise, the other person gets mad for breaking that person when they still talk about you when you're not there.

I could scream, I could cry. Or maybe I'm just confused. Frankly, I feel like i'm in this realm of the inbetween. All my conversations feel like they're being played back to me on an old record. The same thing, over and over again.

There are so many things I could say. Enough to fill a novel. But I stay silent

One another note, I was talking about GOT with some mates and they are firm believers that Sansa is essentially a weak bitch. They're so hung up on the fact that all she wanted, in the beginning, was to get married and live a wonderful life and I mean who wouldn't want a luxurious life. But they always compare her to Arya and her abilities as a swordswoman. They define strength on how many people one can kill. Yet Sansa's perseverance through everything is a strength as well. It's not something to be discredited

She fed her rapist to his own dogs, saved Jon in the battle of the bastards. Those are pretty good achievements in my book. But they are so fixated on the fact that she had these material desires in the beginning. They're also blind to the character development that she goes through, Which I think is enough to redeem her.

Sorry if this is spoilers for anyone xD

I can't wait for April, so much is going to happen

Mo wrote: "If anyone else is reading this, helloo. This is a boring place where I say my boring and pessimistic thoughts. Most of the time it won't make sense xD. Even with the stress recently, I think I'm co..."

gsces? im going to start working at thorpe park over the summer hopefully

Nah A-levels. I can't believe I used to cry over two of my gcses falling on the same day when now all my exams are more or less crammed into one week

I actually finished a proper book over the weekends, The last time I read that quickly was in secondary. But then reading cuts into my study time which I really can't afford at this stage. There's literally two months to go and I'm nowhere near to completing any of the content for any of my subjects

On another note, I kind of made of new friend. After going to these classes for about four weeks, I finally talked to this girl who was around my age. It was interesting, made me realise how socially awkward I am. I actually won't survive uni. Leaving a school that I've been going to for the past seven years and then suddenly everyone I know isn't there anymore. But I guess that's how life is. You have to keep moving whether you like it or not

This journal is so ugly

Oh well

Suits me xD

In my English class, the teacher teased a girl because she'd said something sinuating something sexual (which isn't really a big deal since the texts we study are literally about sex and stuff) and she made the comment that its 'always the quiet ones who are the most freaky'.

The girl said she's not quiet which to be fair she isn't BUT THEN she name dropped me for being quiet. Of course, that then turned the teacher's attention on me and she literally said 'I bet once you get married, the beast inside you will be unleashed' lmaoooooo

I didn't appreciate being thrown under the bus like that but at least the class had a laugh. It's been a while

What I know now by THEY pretty much sums up my life rn

Mo wrote: "Nah A-levels. I can't believe I used to cry over two of my gcses falling on the same day when now all my exams are more or less crammed into one week"

ah tbh i have one month left and i still haven’t started revising

How does one comfort another when they are crying?

I never know what to do, I just stand there awkwardly

I wonder if I'll make friends in uni

considering if I'll even make it there in the first place lmao

these recent mocks have shown me that damn I have got to revise properly

EL grades were a disappointment. Forget my other subjects they're trash but the fact that I got so low makes me sad

I promised myself I wouldn't ever cry over exams since y11 and so far I've kept it.

It's hard but I have to remind myself its not the end of the world

yet

I have this friend. We met in spanish class 7 years ago. I asked If i could use her planner and she let me. We became really close after that. I considered one of my best friends but then come stupid sixth form and it all turns to shit. And it's because I'm too scared to face my own fears. of going back. She's a reminder of going back. And I don't want to go back

I screwed up that relationship. We still talk but its not the same as before. We never talk about what happened, properly. It kind of got brushed away and now we just joke with each other. I guess in that way we're just as bad as each other. because we're both afraid of confrontation

I have the next two months or so to say something otherwise I'll be silent the rest of my life

I get sad everytime I think about it

on the bright side I can look forward to june 1 and 13

Happy thinking