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Pirate Jokes
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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!""What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them--yarrgh, er, pooped--in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from that!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
Question: Why didn't the pirate's phone work?Answer: (view spoiler)
Question: Why are pirates so mean?
Answer: (view spoiler)
A pirate enters the men's room, steps up to a urinal, opens his fly and out pops a steering wheel. The guys at the other urinals can't help but notice."Whoa," one says. "You have a steering wheel instead of a penis?!"
"Aye," says the pirate. "It's drivin' me nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum.The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"
"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"
Renee wrote: "How much does it cost a pirate to get a piercing? A buck an ear!
"
Renee, yours reminded me of this one:
A child dresses up as a pirate for Halloween. When he's trick-or-treating, he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers.
The man says, "How cute, laddie - I can see you're dressed up as a pirate.... But where are your buccaneers?"
The pirate-kid responds, "right here - on the sides of my buckin' head!!"
What does a pirate say when he takes over Santa's job?Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
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For just having fun
If dubloons ye want
Here ye find none
Just jokes about pirates
Some long and some short
A place for tall tales
And where Pirates retort