Authors' Helpline discussion

I am writing this and hopeing to get it published some day. This is the prologue and any helpful tips would be appreciated.

Kenneth stood on the ledge of the cliff looking down at the ghastly scene below. Below him stood an army of thousands. They were armed with heavy swords and big black spears. They had catapults which were being loaded. There armor was thick and their shields were broad. This army had one purpose. To destroy.
He sighed and looked back upon his own army. They numbered a mere 2 hundred, and were downtrodden and tired. He smiled sadly as he saw a young boy not older than 12 being taught how to hold a sword. He wished that it didn't have to end this way. So many of these people were to young to die. They deserved to live and grow old. He shook his head. He was their leader, he needed to be strong.
“Can we win” a voice asked from his right. He turned slowly to face his eldest brother, Allric. Allric was one year younger than Kenneth, but he was the smartest person Kenneth had ever known. Kenneth knew that Allric knew that they didn't stand a chance. He was just hoping that Kenneth would reassure him.
Kenneth turned away from the scared face of his brother. He had gotten injured two days ago, yet here he was ready to fight. Allric was never a fighter, he preferred peaceful solutions, he was tall and lanky and had preferred to read as a child rather than to practice sword-fighting like Kenneth. He looked so out of place with his skinny arms and glasses. He shouldn't have to fight, none of them should, Kenneth thought as he turned to look at his other brothers. Their faces were set and they had determination in their eyes. He wished so much that he could reassure them, that he could tell them that everything was going to be all right.
“I don't know,” He said honestly.
“They'll be expecting a speech, I'd advice you not to say that.” Another of Kenneth's brothers, Mervin, said trying to lighten the mood. Mervin was a joker through and through, unlike his twin Cedric who preferred to sit on the sidelines rather than participate in any of Mervin’s antics. Kenneth smiled slightly and shook his head. Then after a few more moments of silence a horn rang out.
Kenneth sighed, “The time has come” he said. Then he turned and faced the people who had fought with him through this whole big mess. He turned toward them and he knew he couldn't lie.
“I'm not going to lie to you,” He started, his voice causing the small army to look up from the ground to gaze upon their leader, “ are chances are slim.” At this point he paused and turned his back on them to gaze at the monstrosity below. “They have thousands and we number a mere 200. They have superior numbers, and superior weapons,” He paused and gazed upon the faces of his brothers standing next to him, “ but we have one thing they don't have. We have family and friends. We have homes and children. We unlike them, have something to fight for. So know I must ask of you what no leader should ever have to ask of his people. Will you fight with me?”
All at the once the army rose. A meager hope shone in their eyes, and all at once they didn't look so shabby and careworn anymore. Kenneth gave them a sad smile and before turning to face his brothers who stood along the ridge beside him. “You do not have to fight,” he said simply gazing at each one with love in his eyes.
“And let you have all the glory,” Kenneth's brother Mervin replied, “Not a chance”
Kenneth laughed and turned as his brothers unsheathed their swords. “For Draeden” they said.
“For Draeden” replied Kenneth as he to unsheathed his sword.

I like it! An exciting way to start a book!!! I noticed several grammatical errors, is that something you want pointed out, or just comments on the material?

Great job!! I agree with Lena though, some grammatical errors, but overall very good!!!!

I'd love help with grammar. I love to write, but grammar is definitely not my strong suit.

Same!

Okay, here comes my red pen! ;)

First paragraph, fifth sentence: 'there' should be 'their'
Third paragraph, first sentence: after "can we win" there should be '?'
Fourth paragraph, second sentence: 'He had gotten injured' - is 'he' referring to Kenneth, or Allric?
Fourth paragraph, third sentence: maybe this sentence should be broken into two sentences. For example: 'Allric was never a fighter; he preferred peaceful solutions. He was tall and lanky, and had preferred to read as a child, rather than practice sword-fighting like Kenneth.'
Fourth paragraph, fifth sentence: a semi-colon here. Maybe: 'He shouldn't have to fight; none of them should, Kenneth thought as he turned to look at his other brothers.'
Fifth the paragraph: 'He' should not be capitalized
Sixth paragraph, first sentence: 'advice' should be 'advise'; there should be a comma at the end, instead of a period, and 'Another' shouldn't be capitalized
Sixth paragraph, sixth sentence: after 'Kenneth sighed' there should be a period, and there's should be a comma after "The time has come"
Sixth paragraph, ninth sentence: 'He' should not be capitalized after the quotations; there should be a period after 'leader'; 'are chances' should be 'our chances'
Paragraph six, sentence twelve: a period after 'weapons' instead of a comma
Sixth paragraph, sixteenth sentence: 'know' should be 'now'
Seventh paragraph, first sentence: the first 'the' should be left out
Seventh paragraph, third sentence: I'd leave out the 'and'
Eighth paragraph: there should be a period after 'replied' and at the end
Tenth paragraph: comma after 'Draeden'; 'to' should be 'too'

Other than that, it looks great!! ;)

Thankyou

Anytime!!!!!! :)

TMEB, this looks like a good start to a story, but yes, the grammar needs some work.
Have you ever printed this and then read it on paper?
I think I might do a post on how I proof my stuff, then others can give their tips in that thread, and we can all learn.
The good thing is that grammar can be fixed!

I know, my grammar is horrible. I will print it, thats a good idea.


You should make that post.