Aspiring Writers Group...a creative writing group discussion

Another little story I'm working on. This story gets real heavy :) It's about a magician who stumbles upon the wooden staff of Moses. As you can see here...he's a bit of a jerk to say the least. Let me know what you think about this introduction :)

Introduction

Jacob sits staring at his reflection in the mirror, dark bags underneath his eyes. Over this most recent tour he has lost track of time, the days have been blurring together. He gazed down at his trembling hand, whether it’s the anxiety or the drugs he recently injected into my body. Only one thing can calm his nerves now, “Jacob! It’s Showtime and you aren’t even close to getting ready!” Jacob’s assistant screamed at him, Jacob continued to stare at the mirror, the roar of the crowd, chanting his name…Jacob! Jacob! Jacob! You could feel the vibrations in the floor. “Jacob!” Kaya yells again, becoming more frustrated with each passing second.

“I’ll stall the audience! Jacob needs to be ready in five minutes!” Kaya said to the producer, she is a gorgeous young woman, standing tall at five feet and ten inches. Kaya walks through the curtains, her flowing black hair trails behind. “Are you ready Las Vegas?!” Kaya shouted over the microphone. The crowd roared with great anticipation.

Once again, Jacob stared at his reflection in the mirror, his make up artist rushed over, doing the best she could to make him look presentable. Five minutes? The make up artist needed three, her name was Shelby. An older woman who has worked with several big time clients in the past, after a failed stint with a movie star recently, she is now stuck working in Las Vegas. Jacob stares at her, “Easy on the money maker doll face.” Jacob said, grabbing his comb, Jacob brushed his thick mustache. “Perfect.” Jacob stood up, as if he accomplished an enormous feat brushing his mustache one time. He turned his attention at Shelby and winked, “Thanks sweet cheeks.” Shelby gave an annoyed look and stuck her middle finger up. Jacob smiled and gave a small laugh, grabbing his top hat and placing it on his head at an angle. “Shelby, if only I was twenty years older. We could really have something special.” Jacob begins to hear his introduction, “Y’all ready for this?” Jacob asked, staring at his very annoyed team.

The crowd was roaring in excitement, Kaya was really on the top of her game tonight. “You have been amazing Las Vegas, but now without any further hold up, please welcome for a short stint, THE GREAT, THE POWERFUL, JACOB…CROSS! A cloud of smoke engulfed the entire stadium, the roar of the crowd was deafening, but was soon overwhelmed by the sound of Back in Black by ACDC. As the smoke cleared there he stood, Jacob Cross with his lovely assistant Kaya Fox. Jacob looked over at Kaya, “That’ll do sweetheart.” Jacob said, Kaya ignored him. Through out all the headaches Kaya had to endure being the assistant to Jacob, one thing is for certain. This life was quite the rush.

Thanks ReLiz. I just copied and pasted something I've been working on, so this hasn't been edited. Thanks though, it's very much an issue for me. I tend to get people to edit stuff for me. :)

Thanks Ashley! I'm slowly continuing this story as well. It's super fun to write a person who has no filter. I think you would like Kaya as well. She's hardly in this introduction part, but she plays a big piece in what i'm trying to write.