Year-long NaNo discussion

Guys! This is my first attempt at contemporary! *gasps* Anddd, the focus is romance? *dies*

Okay, okay, but it's not a cheesy love story (well, sort of, but it's not the point of the story) and has some pretty broken and flawed characters.

The synopsis/blurb (never did figure out the difference between the two XD)

Lani Clarke has vowed to never admit that she likes Mason Markal. There's no logic to it, and every scenario ends in pain.

But sometimes the brain can't overrule the heart, and Lani's heart knows exactly what it wants.

Not every story has a happily ever after, though, and Lani knows the ending of this one before it even begins. He'll never accept her mental issues and she'll never be able to hold onto him.

Some stars are destined to burn. Some are destined to die. And Lani and Mason are destined for both.

i can't wait to read more!!

Eeeech, neither are genres I usually read. :P

But, the premise is intriguing; like Anne of Green Gables gone horribly wrong.
Are you sure this isn’t a modern retelling? X-)

Love. This.

Haha, I'm glad to see you all intrigued! And actually Merenwen, yes, it is sort of similar to Anne of Green Gables, but in the worst way XD

I'm five chapters in, which is pretty good since I don't think this will be anything more than a novella.

An excerpt:

It’s funny how your heart can mess up your head, making you a total idiot. Sometimes I wonder if our hearts do us any good at all.

The thing is, I’m about to break Mason Markal’s heart. All the hopeful dreams I’ve carried since that night have been dashed. It’s been seven months, and Mason and I talk less than we ever have. It’s almost like we don’t exist to each other.

You would think that by confessing that you like each other, that it would spark a conversation. But nope! He can’t even look at me, but it’s not all his fault. I can barely look at him either, because if I do, I’m afraid he’ll see every dream I hide, and the darkness I can’t contain.

I’m afraid he’ll learn what I am now.

you're so good at writing emotion, Oceane!

Merie wrote: "you're so good at writing emotion, Oceane!"

Aw, thank you so much! That really means a lot to me

Another update! Haven't written much recently. It's another sad one, so if you're sensitive to a raw portrayal of mental illness, please don't read.

I scrub harder, promising myself that if I just get rid of it, that somehow every other problem will go down the drain with it. Tears burn at my eyes again, so I splash my face with water. The icy surge helps relieve my swollen eyes, and I attempt a weak smile. Not good enough. I splash my face again, pat it dry, and paste a smile so wide and fake that I’m afraid I’ll shatter from all the pain it hides.

I like these updates!

Merie wrote: "I like these updates!"

Thanks! I've mostly been focusing on Of Sails and Souls recently, but hopefully I'll have another update soon

Back at it!

"I take a shuddering breath, burying my face in my pillow. My body curls up, trying desperately to shove away the pain that rushes like a torrent through me. I’m paralyzed by the realization that life will never be worth it to me. And I’ve never been worth it for life.

I fall asleep to the sound of my own cries."

Such raw deep writing ❤️ I love it!

Aw, thank you! It's a tough book to write, because you have to put yourself in the place of a person who is hurting incredibly

Yes! If it's hard to read then it's even harder to write!

Merie wrote: "Yes! If it's hard to read then it's even harder to write!"

Yep! But I'm sticking with it

I'm excited to read it sometime!

Here's another brief snippet. I think I'm officially one of those writers who loves writing sad, tragic stories. Like, I'm happiest when I'm putting someone through torture XD

Black-rimmed eyes stare back at me, void of anything resembling humanity. I search myself for regret, but find nothing. I am empty. I am at peace. The heavy eyeliner around my eyes comforts me. People are too used to observing and criticizing makeup to see how empty my gaze is now.

A fun little piece from Everything We Lost. We're nearing the half-way point!

“Well, duh. You obviously like him. Everyone’s known that for a billion years. What’s weird is that you’re actually admitting to it. Someone must have turned off your ‘say-nothing-and-so-protect-myself-from-all-emotional-vulnerability’ switch.”

“Hey, look at the pot calling the kettle black. You’re not super emotionally vulnerable yourself, weirdo.”

Ivy sighs. “I guess that’s true. Look at us. Such emotionally healthy human beings.”

I laugh. “And these emotionally healthy human beings should go grab ice cream from the freezer.”

Ooh, I love the name Ivy. And great job at almost reaching halfway!!

Aw, I’m glad you both like it! The name Ivy was a super random choice, but I’m glad of it

This chapter was SO hard to write. Genuinely, probably the most difficult ever. But I also love it so incredibly much. That's why you're getting a very long peek into this chapter that tore out my heart ;)

Waiting for him in the cool night air, I start to feel better. But now, instead of the pain, there’s anxiety. I’ve never met a boy in the middle of the night. I mean, the circumstances are far different than any chick flick I’ve ever seen, but still…

Happiness spreads throughout my whole body as I see his car lights. Suddenly, I’m aware of my baggy sweats and gross t-shirt. All I can think about is the pimple on my nose and the fact that I still look like I’ve been crying.

While I’m still coming up with excuses for my appearance, he jumps out of his car and buries me in a hug. Everything is gone but this moment and the fact that he is warm and safe and smells of cedar. The tears spill out again, though I try to remain composed.

“You are everything to me, okay?” he whispers hoarsely. “Everything. Hearing that you hurt yourself… I cried like a baby and I’m not embarrassed to say that.”

I give a hiccupy laugh and pull away slightly to see his face. “Listen, I’m sorry…”

“No. No more apologies. Whatever is causing this, it’s not your fault. It’s never your fault. You need to understand that.”

I study his face. The bright blue eyes, the strong chin, the curly hair… and that’s when I realized that appearance isn’t everything. Because standing here now, Mason is the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And just last year I wouldn’t have even given him a second glance.

“Okay,” I say softly.

His eyes are intense as they peer into mine, but there is a gentleness too. He desperately wants to save me.

And maybe I’ll let him.

arrggghhhh

that is beautiful

and perfect

and I love it

Merie wrote: "arrggghhhh

that is beautiful

and perfect

and I love it"

Thanks!!! This story is ripping out my heart in the best way. I can't wait to finish the first draft and get beta readers!

A sad, dark look into chapter ten again. Trigger warning: suicide and self harm

The moments hangs, tight with the tension of my thoughts. With trembling fingers, I release the doorknob, slowly making my way to the stairs.

The darkness churns in my stomach--it’s screaming through my veins. I’m such a coward. It would have been the right decision to jump. I’m simply a mistake. An error awaiting eradication. Every step I take I berate myself for not even being enough to die.

I slam the bathroom door shut behind me as I collapse to the floor. I don’t even care if someone hears me. My body is shaking uncontrollably and my thoughts are a storm of pain I don't even try to control.

If I cannot die, I will feel pain.

*shivers* This story IS dark... But dark truths are often the most necessary ones. At any rate, I admire you for bringing these subjects to light. And if I may be so presumptuous to say, I'm proud of you for writing it so beautifully. Even if it is dark.

Here I am praying for a happy ending

Thanks, guys! And Merie, yes, it is dark and scary. But you’re right, these dark topics need to addressed more often.

Yes, I spend a full page and a half having my characters discuss their love for Taylor Swift. Do I regret it? Absolutely not XD

“I guess,” Mason says reluctantly. “But Reputation is a new, dark side of her that we haven’t seen before. I appreciate that.”

Ivy cuts in. “Yes, but Fearless was one of her very first albums. It’s when she’s just coming into her own, and I love the innocent, hopeful tone to it.”

“There’s a care-free feel to 1989,” I add. “She’s just exploring who she is and loving it, honestly. There are no expectations of that album except to have a good time.”

It’s here, discussing even just how we feel about music, that I learn more about both of them. Bits of themselves are revealed, and I love it. Mason likes how the dark edge to her is explored. It probably makes him less alone. Less broken.

Ivy just wants everything to be put back together. She’s never been comfortable with chaos. She’d rather drown under a tranquil sea than battle a raging storm. So, the hopeful tone she gets from the Fearless album makes sense.

Picking this project back up! It's so bittersweet to write, but we're nearing the climax! It's so exciting

She noticed. All I’ve ever wanted is for her to notice. Tears well up in my eyes and I laugh, trying to push the pain back into a tiny corner in the back of my mind.

“A lot. I don’t… I don’t think you’re ready for it all. Trust me.” I finally get the courage to look her in the eyes, tears still burning behind mine.

There’s so much pain and frustration burning behind her hazel eyes. She wants me to talk to her, but she won’t make me. She’s never been that kind of person, even when I want her to be.

Exciting?? What are you going to do with our hearts, Oceane??

Merie wrote: "Exciting?? What are you going to do with our hearts, Oceane??"

Utterly crush them, dear Merie ;)

Another excerpt to whet your appetites. Trigger Warning: eating disorders.

“I don’t know. One day I didn’t eat lunch and I was fine. And then I did it the next day and the next until suddenly I was only eating dinner. Barely.” Her voice drops to a whisper and she takes a shaky breath. “It feels good. To be small. To disappear. To just fall apart inside of yourself and feel blissfully hollow. By the time I noticed it, I no longer cared.”

as usual, your writing is gorgeous

Merie wrote: "as usual, your writing is gorgeous"

Aw, thank you, Merie! I really appreciate that

Another snippet just because I appreciate you all ;)

“At least let me finish before you start talking, okay?” I say with a laugh. My bright smile must confuse her, because she sits back in silence. Pain is so hard to talk about. Letting people catch glimpses of the darkness within is almost impossible at times, especially if you actually look like it’s affecting you. So I never do. I’d rather smile as the world falls apart then admit that I’m actually the one breaking.

the way you put thoughts into words so eloquently... how do you do it??

Merie wrote: "the way you put thoughts into words so eloquently... how do you do it??"

Haha, I don't know! Emotion is the one thing I've always been able to write. Maybe it comes from the copious amounts of poetry that I write, but who knows. I'm just glad it's able to resonate with you

Back to work on this *insert sarcastic cheer* Can't wait to break all your hearts

She looks up, eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Can you promise that I couldn’t have helped?”

I think back to every moment of brokenness. The crippling pain. The overwhelming numbness. The fierce determination to fix myself. I want to say that there was no way I would have ever let her help me.

Looking into her eyes, I quietly say, “I don’t know.”

“Well,” she says shakily, “I’m here now.”

And I smile.

... That's good, Oceane. you don't have to make anything more painful at this point. any more pain would just be unnecessary

Merie wrote: "... That's good, Oceane. you don't have to make anything more painful at this point. any more pain would just be unnecessary"

I promise to put in some happy scenes just for you XD

Oceane wrote: "Merie wrote: "... That's good, Oceane. you don't have to make anything more painful at this point. any more pain would just be unnecessary"

I promise to put in some happy scenes just for you XD"

... Scenes are merely scenes in the end, Oceane. My heart is not as simple.

Merie wrote: "Oceane wrote: "Merie wrote: "... That's good, Oceane. you don't have to make anything more painful at this point. any more pain would just be unnecessary"

I promise to put in some happy scenes jus..."

Very true... *glances at the ending scene* *hastily scribbles out some words* very true, indeed...