Evie's Writing discussion

Okay.
So.
I wrote a thing.
It's very short, but whatever.

Prologue
Days past: September 1996

Elise Grace looked out of her third-story window, bone-tired and rattled after a long day at the hospital. Slowly peeking into the pale blue blankets that held her infant daughter, she sighed. Matthew wasn’t home, and Elpida was still young, but she wouldn’t be for long. All of a sudden, a shadow began to materialize in the room. But unlike an ordinary shadow, one that regularly appeared after dark, this shadow swirled hypnotically, and grew larger each time. But she didn’t back up. She moved forward, engaging in a whispered conversation with the shadow.
“Is it over? Am I done?”
“Are you?” asked the Shadow, a smile spreading across his face, and his features melting into something- else. “Your time is up, Elise.”

Prologue
Days past: September 1996

LMAO I SEE THE CASSANDRA CLARE STUFF YOU'RE PULLING HERE AND I LOVE IT

"Matthew still wasn’t home, and Elpida was still young, but she wouldn’t be for long."

I would delete the first "still"

"this shadow swirled and swirled, and grew larger each time. "

something about this phrase is strange. Maybe change the second "swirled" Or maybe break this off the first sentence and make it its own sentence? I don't know

“Are you?” asked the Shadow, a smile spreading across his face, and his features melting into something- else. “Your time is up, Elise.”

I'M SCREAMING
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sofia wrote: "Prologue
Days past: September 1996

LMAO I SEE THE CASSANDRA CLARE STUFF YOU'RE PULLING HERE AND I LOVE IT"

ehehehehehe.

Evie wrote: "Okay.
So.
I wrote a thing.
It's very short, but whatever.

Prologue
Days past: September 1996

Elise Grace looked out of her third-story window, bone-tired and rattled after a long day at the..."

Whoa- loving the shadow :> I feel like the whole transition for
"Matthew still wasn’t home, and Elpida was still young, but she wouldn’t be for long." To the "in an instant" doesn't really sound natural, if that makes any sense. But it's super interesting :0

Sofia wrote: ""Matthew still wasn’t home, and Elpida was still young, but she wouldn’t be for long."

I would delete the first "still""

changedddd

Sofia wrote: "“Are you?” asked the Shadow, a smile spreading across his face, and his features melting into something- else. “Your time is up, Elise.”

I'M SCREAMING
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

AHAHAHAHA.
THANK YOUUU, CHANGED EVERYTHINGGG.

✦ Dani ✦ wrote: "Evie wrote: "Okay.
So.
I wrote a thing.
It's very short, but whatever.

Prologue
Days past: September 1996

Elise Grace looked out of her third-story window, bone-tired and rattled after a lo..."

okayy, thank you!

deadass got chills

that ending though

I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

Yumiko wrote: "deadass got chills"

aHHHH.

Yumiko wrote: "I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT"

ehehehehehehehe.
I need to change the desc to the summary.