Evie's Writing discussion

Emlyn Diablo was sure that Lily had never felt the cold. The princess was absolutely clueless about almost everything. Things that she wasn’t clueless about included, but were not limited to: famous heroes, which chocolate houses had the best cocoa, and anything that had to do with playing pianoforte. And Lily supposedly knew it. Which was why she asked the resident Aurora Sister to take her out of the palace- and into the wild. What Emlyn hadn’t counted on, however, was the fact that everyone in the palace thought she had been kidnapped. Snickering quietly, Emlyn reached out her foot, tripping the young girl. She was only… what, nineteen? Emlyn was twenty-one, and felt as if she had ages more experience in life than Lily. Of course, Lily had lived in a castle for pretty much her whole life, so it was natural for her to be… a bit naive. Or perhaps a little more than a bit. The girl was harmless.
“Okay, girl, fun’s over. I’ve gotta get you home, lest they start hunting me like they did the rest of my coven.”
Lily just nodded and grabbed my arm as I sent us back to the castle.
The first thing I heard were the sirens.
“The witch is back.”
“Betcha the girl’s dead.”
As soon as they saw Lily on Emlyn's arm, they froze.
“Hello,” Lily said, her voice sunny and bright. “That was fun.”
Emlyn sighed, looking at her. “Go home.” She let go of her arm, and began to walk back to her cottage.
“Stop right there,” the king’s voice said. Emlyn would recognize that voice anywhere.
She stopped.
“You are to be executed tomorrow night for kidnapping and illegal use of witchcraft.”

"Which is why she asked the resident Aurora Sister to take her out of the palace- and into the wild."

I think this should be "which was why," although I might be wrong.

" She was only… what, nineteen? She was twenty-one, and felt as if she had ages more experience in life than Lily."

Maybe change this to: "She was only... what, nineteen? Emlyn was twenty-one..." to make it more clear.

"She just nodded and grabbed my arm as I sent us back to the castle.
Immediately I heard the sirens."

wAIT-
this started out in third person, and now it's first person. I am confusion

“You are to be executed tomorrow night for kidnapping and illegal use of witchcraft.”

DAMN

Sofia wrote: ""She just nodded and grabbed my arm as I sent us back to the castle.
Immediately I heard the sirens."

wAIT-
this started out in third person, and now it's first person. I am confusion"

SHIT I DO THAT SOMETIMES-
FIXED.

Sofia wrote: ""Which is why she asked the resident Aurora Sister to take her out of the palace- and into the wild."

I think this should be "which was why," although I might be wrong."

correct, fixed~

Sofia wrote: "" She was only… what, nineteen? She was twenty-one, and felt as if she had ages more experience in life than Lily."

Maybe change this to: "She was only... what, nineteen? Emlyn was twenty-one..." ..."

okiiii

Sofia wrote: "“You are to be executed tomorrow night for kidnapping and illegal use of witchcraft.”

DAMN"

hehehehehe

IS THERE MORE CIRCLET OF THORNS ON THE WAY????? I NEED MORE LIKE YESTERDAY

Sofia wrote: "IS THERE MORE CIRCLET OF THORNS ON THE WAY????? I NEED MORE LIKE YESTERDAY"

ADFCGSVHBJDVG I'M WORKING ON THE SECOND CHAPTER CURRENTLY, BUT IT'S A MESS-

hopefully I'll get it done tomorrow but we'll see-

YES YES YES YES PLSSSS