Go Fug Yourself Book Club discussion

Ack, I am so sorry. I blanked. The end of May is a killer when you work in higher ed. Okay, now on to the book --

This book has sparked some controversy among Goodreads commenters, but I LOVED it. Its not perfect, but its a wild ride that surprised me with its truth and candor over and over, and there are not many books that I can say that about.

Luster is delightfully complicated in the ways humans are complicated. This is messy stuff. Messy family drama, messy coming of age, messy realities of living as a black woman with student loans and no money (and no money-generating ambition) and no mother (or other support), messy middle aged woman whose personal life is not what she planned and not what she wants but still something she needs to protect. Most messy of all is the necessity and ugliness of and need for connection. This is also freaking hilarious much of the time and deeply sad much of the time, and sometimes both simultaneously. I wanted a little more fleshing out of Rebecca and Akilah, but there is so much here. As I was reading I said this was funny and tragic, poetic and profane, cruel and humane and that is still about right.

I think I was most anxious to learn about Rebecca because she seems to be a lot like me in some ways. We move on to adulthood, and decisions and responsibilities are thrust upon us. We say we change, and I suppose we do, but at least for me it was not so much a change as it was an experience of burying the person I was, and then covering a whole new person in the Bonnie suit while the original Bonnie shouted uselessly from inside the burlap sack in which she was placed. I think Rebecca, and to some extent Edie, felt the same. I don't see that covered so explicitly in books. Also, the emotional detachment from ones sexuality was, I thought, done well. Looking forward to other perspectives on this. I have been trying to get my 22 year old son to read this but he is immersed in something else, and he is dyslexic, so while he is an avid reader, he is a SLOW one.

I don't really want to provide justification, but seeing as this has gotten no responses ... I didn't read this one, because reviewers had mentioned there was some trauma around a miscarriage/child loss scenario (don't remember which, not gonna look it up). It seems like a book that would have been a good discussion, though, and I'm surprised it hasn't.

I read this a few months back, and I didn't enjoy any of it. That's all due to personal history, though. I did appreciate the ending. I see I gave it four stars, but that was mostly in appreciation for the raw, honest feel of the whole thing. When I saw it made the June book I thought, that's good that people will be reading it, but I don't wanna experience any of that again.

So the reason I had to grit my teeth through the entire thing is that Eric, the husband, is basically my ex. After our relationship he married and the two of them adopted biracial girls. The couple just keep the girls' hair cut short boy style because it's easier and haven't educated themselves as to caring for the girls' texture at all. Note, I am a biracial adoptee but not the particular ethnic mix of the girls'. These days, many white adoptive parents are learning to not compound their children's ethnic pain, but this particular couple aren't working on that, as far as I can see.

And then my ex decided he was polygamous, and his wife gamely went along with that, but - spoiler alert - she is not and never will be polygamous, which I find absolutely unsurprising. And he blew up their marriage in a spectacularly hurtful way. Nightmarish.

Not my marriage, not my monkeys, right - and it would all roll off my back except I'm continually irked that he's posting on social media about all these books he reads about the complexities of polygamy and how to be successfully polygamous but the gentle recommendations I've made of books on cross-ethnic adoptions or the importance of caring for ethnic hair types are ignored, like, get your yayas, dude, but also please don't get behind the 8-ball on how to be the best divorced dad for your girls-! It is galling.

So TL:DR if the entire book wasn't colored by my own annoyance at perceiving the characters as selfish and bovinely passive because I can't not view them through the lens of my own life, I would have responded to it better. It was several hundred pages of continuous triggers for me. Like I said, I did enjoy the ending. I did think it was bravely written.

Laural wrote: "I read this a few months back, and I didn't enjoy any of it. That's all due to personal history, though. I did appreciate the ending. I see I gave it four stars, but that was mostly in appreciation..."

I absolutely get your reaction! This must have been a hard book to read. In many ways Eric reminded me of my ex (coincidentally also named Eric) who walks through life as if no one is impacted by his decisions but him. Thank God our son sees him for what he is but that does not mean there was no impact. And I was for some time "bovinely passive." I did leave him, but it took a lot. I mentioned that I understood Rebecca, and I really did.

Your ex is maybe more awful than either Eric. Someone needs to do a thesis on "The Casual Indifferent Cruelty of the Toxic White Male." Perhaps his wife? Or perhaps one of his daughters when they grow up? Those poor girls have a front row seat.

I loved how honest the book was. It was brave. I find it a lot harder to admit to my transgressions than to my passivity, and this book shows people who let men run roughshod over them with little more than a "thank you sir may I have another." It felt very real and very affecting to me.

Allie wrote: "I don't really want to provide justification, but seeing as this has gotten no responses ... I didn't read this one, because reviewers had mentioned there was some trauma around a miscarriage/child..."

I am surprised as well that there were no commenters because there is a lot to talk about. I totally understand why the book is not one you would want to read. I don't know I would say there was trauma around pregnancy loss - there is an abortion, but the circumstances of her growing up and her youthful pregnancy were more traumatic than its termination. Still, I am sure it could make for difficult reading.

ooo I haven't read this! wasn't on my radar as I'm all into my royal romcoms but maybe I'll pop it to the top. Looking forward to overhearing the Goss!!

Bonnie G. wrote: "Someone needs to do a thesis on "The Casual Indifferent Cruelty of the Toxic White Male..."

I've decided everything in the world is their fault- even when there's a driver who takes an intersection when they shouldn't, it's a white guy.

Imagine how this book would have been different if Eric had been less self-indulgent. Is Edie's life better or worse for what she experiences? She was not in a good situation before, will she have learned and start this new situation differently or revert to her old ways?

Pamela wrote: "Bonnie G. wrote: "Someone needs to do a thesis on "The Casual Indifferent Cruelty of the Toxic White Male..."

I've decided everything in the world is their fault- even when there's a driver who ta..."

LOL, well a lot is their fault, especially if you believe "the buck stops here." They are in control, they have had the lead, they have the power, so if we are talking about systemic problems, its their fault. I will say for traffic jerkiness I think there is more gender balance, A lot of women have really pissed me off in traffic, and I have wished terrible fates upon them and their families. (Really boils, incontinence, black fungus, etc.) This is just as I do with the men who think their time is more important than the rest of us so they can go into the right turn lane and then cut back into the straight lane in at the end even if the people actually turning right have to wait....not that I am holding onto any anger or anything.

When does commenting close off? I'm swamped with work and can't breathe until July.

Tricia wrote: "When does commenting close off? I'm swamped with work and can't breathe until July."

Its open for the whole 2 months (and usually I don't close it even then. No rush! I look forward to your thoughts.

I read it and Luster didn't disappoint. This book is a glorious hot mess of a book. None of these relationships are mess or drama free, but they are relatable. The young woman who doesn't know what she wants, the middle aged woman who's disappointed with what she has, the man casually leaving destruction in his wake, the teen who doesn't really fit in. Not for the faint of heart, but worth the read.