Books Matter discussion

I made this at 10:40 pm cuz I need this right now.

Rant #1:
I know I am crazy, and my parents have pointed that out several times when we have this conversation. They have been asking me if I am interested in summer weights, sometimes I say yes, other times I say no. Because of my flip flopping in answers, they get frustrated and call me crazy. Tonight they asked me again and I said no. They roll their eyes and huff at me as usual, judgement floating off them. I try to give my reasoning (My reason being is that it is insanely early in the morning and I have a strength and agility class all next school year. I planned on spending my summer focusing on relaxing and preparing myself for cross country.) They think I should go because I will get better at track and what not and I know they are right but I feel so insecure when I go play any sport that isn't track. I have never told them this, which is probably the source of my problem, but I am too scared to tell them that. They are the overprotective, very little privacy, use the least amount of money possible parents, so I usually try not to ask much of them and try to please them. (For example, I am way to scared to ask to learn to play guitar and I am too scared to ask to go on a mission trip to Belize because I know they will say no.) In high school, my mom was a distance runner, an amazing basketball player, and could power clean weights like it was nothing so I feel so much pressure and expectation to live up to that. But here is the thing...I hate playing basketball because I suck and most of my teammates are very very judgemental , condescending, and cocky. The sport is very toxic and loud. I got hurt badly last season and that was just in practice. The worst part is that my best friend who is a gift from God and is the sweetest most amazing person on the planet is treated so poorly by my coaches. She was treated as a benchwarmer the entire season, and all of her playing time combined probably added up to a grand total of 30 minutes. She was never even given the chance to improve her skills.
So I was just yelled at because I don't know how to feel. Isn't it kind of expected of teenagers? Yeah, right now I am crying and stressed because I can't really express my feelings to my parents because I am too afraid.
If you read that entire rant thank you, and God bless.

That's horrible! They're not even willing to listen?

Not really no. I have always practiced what I would say but when the moment comes, they don't really understand or hear me out.

I get that your scared. I also get scared when asking for something or telling them -parents- that you don't wanna do something anymore. We shouldn't be scared. If I was you I would start by explaining that I didn't want to do basketball because it is hurting you and it is not your passion. After you do that say that you wanna give guitar a try or ask for the mission trip - the one you really wanna do more. For the mission trip explain that doing it, it would look good on Job and school applications as another reason.

I hope you can talk to your parents. I am here for you if you need anything. I am sending a virtual hug and drying your tears.

God bless you

Jillian wrote: "Not really no. I have always practiced what I would say but when the moment comes, they don't really understand or hear me out."

I wouldn't at all be happy. . . I hope they get to their senses before you lose it.

⚡Mare wrote: "I get that your scared. I also get scared when asking for something or telling them -parents- that you don't wanna do something anymore. We shouldn't be scared. If I was you I would start by explai..."

Thank you so so much<3

Your welcome Jillian

Niharika✩ wrote: "Jillian wrote: "Not really no. I have always practiced what I would say but when the moment comes, they don't really understand or hear me out."

I wouldn't at all be happy. . . I hope they get to ..."

I won't lose it, not really. Crying helps relieve my stress a little so I am hoping that I can get some rest and worry about it in the morning. My parents aren't that bad I promise. They have given me so many things but they are sometimes just a big source of stress for me. This past school year has been stressful for me, and I don't think they know that some of the things from early in the school year still haunt me.

It's just been a rough year for my whole family. My uncle is in the hospital right now so that has been top on our prayer list, but 7th grade kinda sucked. I had a really sucky teacher, and I lost a classmate to suicide in October. I had to work to keep all A's and it was just head pounding to manage everything in between 2 hour basketball practices.

Jillian wrote: "Niharika✩ wrote: "Jillian wrote: "Not really no. I have always practiced what I would say but when the moment comes, they don't really understand or hear me out."

I wouldn't at all be happy. . . I..."

:(

By the way, God bless you all for putting up with me putting my life sob story on Goodreads

i’m 4 hours late, but i just read this and i’m so sorry you had to go through that. for the longest time, i couldn’t healthily communicate with my mom. we fought at least three times a week and if my dad wasn’t there as a buffer we would’ve burnt the house down. but slowly we started working on our relationship and it’s way way better. at this point my mom is my best friend. i don’t know why i’m telling you this but my point is: it gets better. and i know hearing that sentence is so infuriating so i backed it up with my own experiences. it gets better. and if there’s any physical proof out there, it’s me.

also the high expectations part, i’m going through that and i know many other people who are, too. more cliche sentences that are very infuriating (to me at least) you’re not alone.

if u want to rant more my PMs are open<33

Omg wow. I’m so sorry for those awful stories and getting back so late. I feel you every step of the way. And all your kind words to Jillian made me feel really good too, that I’ve found such nice people, that you care about one another. Thank you so much for posting everyone. I think this was a great way to get know each other and get help. ❤️

b wrote: "i’m 4 hours late, but i just read this and i’m so sorry you had to go through that. for the longest time, i couldn’t healthily communicate with my mom. we fought at least three times a week and if ..."

Thank you. It's good to know someone has gone through the same thing and I really hope it gets better.

Thank you all so much for all of your support. I really just ranted because it helps me relieve stress when I write everything out. It helps me get out all those hidden emotions. I didn't expect anyone to respond, but thank you for replying!<3

My friend got into a fight with her friend back at November last year. They were kind of mean and we just don't like them. Well said ex-friend, became friends with one of the "Popular" girls. (I say that I quotes because I don't like the word popular) Well the girl that was the ex-friend, L, is not friends with A, the popular girl, anymore. They got in a fight and A is worried that she's gonna spill all her secrets to E, who spills everyone's secrets for attention. That's something else tho. Well A was talking to S, my friend. She said that she doesn't get why Me and My two other friends don't really like her. My two other friends have there reasons. I don't really like or dislike her. Well A said that she want's to be friends with us. I would give her a chance if she made an effort to talk to me or hang out. There's only 2 weeks of school left anyway. But if A made an effort to be friends, my friends would say I went to "the dark side". (That's what we call/called A and L) (It's petty I know) I just worry that my friends will not wanna be friends with me if I hang out with A, is if makes a effort to wanna talk or hang out. I think that next time S talks to A I'll ask her to say something like I would giver A a chance to be friends if it comes up in there conversation. She does seem like a nice person. I don't really know what to do.

That sounds awful! I am so sorry. I once was being bullied by a girl but we used to hang out. One of my best friends was her cousin, so I was worried if I unfriended her, he would stop hanging out with me. He didnt and the bully moved away so things turned out okay. (This year I did have a falling out with the cousin friend because he was annoying and made fun of my religion, but I'm perfectly fine that he is out of my life.) I found my group of people and havent looked back, so I promise that things will work its way out. We are here for you! We will always be your friends, I promise. Times are tough now, but keep your head up. Your best friend is just around the corner.

It’s quite funny how complex social groups are. Like this friend is friends with this person who’s friends with this person who’s cousins with the enemy who’s friends with this best friend.

Or the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

It's quite weird. somehow people also make friends online without realising they're talking to they're enemy

Yeah. We all very well could go to the same school and never know it.

Jillian wrote: "Yeah. We all very well could go to the same school and never know it."

hmm

I mean, we could! You never know! I personally dont think we do because there are several thousand people on GR and I only know of two of my classmates being on here.

Jillian wrote: "I mean, we could! You never know! I personally dont think we do because there are several thousand people on GR and I only know of two of my classmates being on here."

nah. I don't think so. We live at opposite end of the world, let alone school or even city

Funny rant this time:
We have some people who live down the street and they have, no joke, like 20 pomeranians. These dogs have to be the yippiest most annoying creatures ever. They have weird loud, squeaky little yip barks that can be heard all the way to my house. These people live a half mile away and I can hear their dogs! I am almost certain it is some kind of puppy mill, but they take good care of them. While annoying and large in number, the dogs are well cared for. Yesterday my mom was walking our dog, a boxer lab mutt, while I was out for a run and every time either I would run by or my mom would walk by, these dogs went nuts.
Here is the part that is awesome: the guy that lives across the street from the pomeranians (bless his soul) sets of these little firecrackers every time they start barking. He does it for two reasons: to set the dogs off more because it's funny when they go absolutely mad and two, to tell the owners to shut their dogs up.
I have so much respect for that guy now.

since we’re all ranting in here it’s my turn (tw: cursing/ anger in speech/mentions of ed’s/ food/ starving/ body image/etc.)
i hate my body. so much. i hate it. i change in the dark bc i don’t want to see my body. and it’s just so fucking stupid because it’s just a body. it’s not supposed to look a certain way or to be a certain way. it’s just a body. there to function healthily and that’s it. two days ago i was crying in the shower ab it and today i tried on pants that never fit. never. today they were loose at the waist. i don’t think that’s a good thing but it makes me feel better. i skipped breakfast today. my favorite meal. i hate the fact that i hate how everything looks on me. i hate losing weight and gaining weight. i just hate my body. it doesn’t matter what it looks like i just don’t like it. i thought i was getting better but clearly not. maybe that’s just my period messing with my emotions but i’m just so insecure. and the thing is i love fashion. i love clothes. i just hate how they look on me. i got sick a while ago, and lost about 10 pounds in three days, i had to be hospitalised. but i loved it. the fact that i lost weight. and deep down i know i wish i could get sick like that again if it meant i could lose more weight. it’s fucked up.

i feel so much lighter now that i’ve wrote this. it really does help.

b wrote: "since we’re all ranting in here it’s my turn (tw: cursing/ anger in speech/mentions of ed’s/ food/ starving/ body image/etc.)
i hate my body. so much. i hate it. i change in the dark bc i don’t wan..."

I am so sorry

That’s terrible that you have to deal with that. I hope all goes well and you keep appreciating yourself. Be you! (Hopefully that doesn’t sound cringy or anything. It’s good words of wisdom!)

I know how you feel! I dont mean to get all religious, but you are made in God's image and you are so beautiful. We support you no matter who you are and what you look like! Keep your head up girl! Do what you feel comfortable with.❤

thank you all so much i genuinely feel better. i just ate a meal which is really great! sending love<33

Alright, so. . .I feel like ranting. Please don't mind!

Lately, I've been feeling like my family thinks my sister (who I despise) should have been their only child. My mother doesn't try to hide it- she constantly compares me to her and says how much better she is. THERE IS A TWO-YEAR DIFFERENCE, WOMAN. My sister keeps calling me names, hurting me emotionally, and pushing me down all the time. My mother knows but doesn't do anything. My dad always sticks with me but when it comes to scolding either one of us, it becomes a joke. I desperately feel like talking to someone but there's no one in my own family to friend group I feel comfortable enough to say such stuff too. I feel they have no sympathy for me and I know- it's vain to ask for attention but I just can't help it. I'm also constantly called a 'baby' by the kids living across us. They're my sister's friends and when I tried to build even some relationship with them, it turned negative. I've started flaring up easily and crying more often. I tried to 'get over it' but how can I get over being sad when nobody lets me be sad?

That's all.
Peace out.

Wow. I’m so very sorry to hear that. I don’t honestly know what to tell you or what advice to give you. Is there some other adult you could talk to? I don’t really know.

That sounds terrible! I want to reach through this screen and hug you because I know how it feels. I had no friends for a very long time in my life, and my younger sister always had a lot. My parents babied her and was always yelling at me when it was her fault. I know how you feel and I am so so sorry you have to go through this. We are always here if you need us.

Emary wrote: "Wow. I’m so very sorry to hear that. I don’t honestly know what to tell you or what advice to give you. Is there some other adult you could talk to? I don’t really know."

No, there's nobody. One person I could trust lives on the other side of the globe.

Jillian wrote: "That sounds terrible! I want to reach through this screen and hug you because I know how it feels. I had no friends for a very long time in my life, and my younger sister always had a lot. My paren..."

<33🥺

Oh, I’m so sorry. Is there a close friend you’re able to spill all this to?

Emary wrote: "Oh, I’m so sorry. Is there a close friend you’re able to spill all this to?"

My closest friend is always busy with something or the other. I don't even think she cares.

Sorry if this is sounding rude- I know you're just trying to help!<33 Thank you!

No, you’re totally fine. ❤️ I would find myself getting really angry and sad if I were you too. Just know that you always have us to talk to, if that means anything. This topic is always here if you need some social help. ❤️

Emary wrote: "No, you’re totally fine. ❤️ I would find myself getting really angry and sad if I were you too. Just know that you always have us to talk to, if that means anything. This topic is always here if yo..."

*me staring at the two hearts before reading the message*
*me breaking the screen and gathering every one of my friends*
*me hugging all of them*
You all are the best- no wonder gr feels like home🥺

Aww, we got you. We love and appreciate you being here! Keep your head up!❤️

Jillian wrote: "Aww, we got you. We love and appreciate you being here! Keep your head up!❤️"

<33

That originally (since I was typing with one hand) turned out to be //,33

So in my class there is a guy that I am going to call R. I like him. A lot. He sometimes hangs out with our group. Me and my 3 other friend’s. He normally talks to them and not me. He makes little side jokes at me and I know he’s just joking. I kinda like it... But if that was my friends that said that or made a joke like that I would feel hurt.

I’ll give 2 examples. They are both from today.

First we were cleaning the kitchens because it is the end of the school year. He was going around the kitchen using the vacuum to get under the oven. I took my time wiping down the kitchen so I would be in there with him. He came in and said ``I am Batman” and called the vacuum the batmobile. It was funny. I said “Okay that’s weird” and we laughed a bit. He started talking to me - I don’t remember what he said - and jokingly called me crooked. Can someone explain what that means? I looked at him and said “rude” jokenly. I left the kitchen because the teacher needed me and I went back to the kitchen after she was done talking to me. He said the vacuum electrocuted him and I started laughing lighty and not for too long. I finished in the kitchen and went upstairs to get my bag. Me and my 3 friends sat in the science lab until the end of the day and we hung around talking to us but not for too long. Around 7ish minutes. This is the second thing. He started playing with my book and I grabbed it and said “Don’t touch my book” jokingly. I grabbed it and he walked around my chair and he grabbed it again. I had the book by my shoulder. I turned and started grabbing at it. He kept pulling it back before another guy grabbed it from him and handed it to me. I touched his arm briefly. He headed downstairs after that. He talks to my friends a lot but not me much. We were walking down the hall and he was talking to me and my friend. I love those moments maybe too much. I love hearing his voice. And he is funny and kind. He also looks nice. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about him. Problem is that school end’s friday. I feel that since I won’t see him for two months and might not be in his class next year I keep telling myself I might stop feeling this way and that I don’t like him and just the idea. I don’t believe myself. What should I do? Prop’s to anyone that can tell me how many times I said jokingly.

Sorry if it has really bad grammar. I didn't edit it.

Ask for his phone number. Make it seem friendly and just text him every once and a while with an innocent question. Like if your power goes out on night, ask if his did too (lame I know, but you get the idea.) He sounds super nice so I hope you can make it work with him!

Jillian wrote: "Ask for his phone number. Make it seem friendly and just text him every once and a while with an innocent question. Like if your power goes out on night, ask if his did too (lame I know, but you ge..."

Oh, I also have never talked to him before today that much. He comes over to my friends desk in the morning so I am hoping that if I put myself in the right spot I can stand next to him.

That's a good idea. Just seem friendly, flirt a little, show signs of wanting to be around him. If he comes over to your desk in the mornings, he probably likes you.😉
Maybe summer will be a good time to sort your feelings as well. If you come back next school year, and nothing has changed then great! Just remember, you are still young (I think) so you have loads of time to sort your feelings.

Jillian wrote: "That's a good idea. Just seem friendly, flirt a little, show signs of wanting to be around him. If he comes over to your desk in the mornings, he probably likes you.😉
Maybe summer will be a good ti..."

I was thinking of that. Thank you Jillian!

New rant!
I have been debating playing basketball, like I said earlier. I was contacted only minutes ago by one of my teammates who was a HUGE jerk to me last season. She was one of the reason I considered not playing, actually. She said the team needed us because we have a really really small team. (We had 7...) They had six girls the previous year and did fine. They did better with the extra girl (me) but with the extra girl, the coaches began to treat my best friend like a bench warmer, meaning she got almost no playing time. It broke her heart, which broke mine. She is the most amazing, most talented, most caring friend in the world and she was treated like dirt. We have both considered not playing and I have said if she's not playing, I'm not playing.
Anyway, this girl reaches out and says the team needs me, even though she talked trash about me all season. Here is what the text said:
"I heard your thinking about not playing basketball well you need to or we will have a very little team and we need you ok?"
I reply: "Y'all did fine the year before. I am still thinking about it, though."
Her reply: "Addison probably isn't doing it though we can't only have 5 people." (*Addison is my best friend*)

I don't understand. She was the biggest jerk all basketball season, now she wants me back on the team! (I don't really understand her, though. During track season, she was more respectful towards me because I was better at track. She was still mean, but she was worse with basketball.) What do I do?
By the way, I was also considering not doing basketball cause it's just not really my passion, but my parents want me to do it.

I would say go for it and show this girl that you can bring it! But of. course it’s all up to you. I totally get if you want to get “your revenge” by making them not have a team. I would consult with Addison first, though.