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Team Archchancellor Ridcully's Absurd MM Paranormal Mystery ThrillerOnce upon a time, Finley, a handsome brunette doctor, had a past and many secrets he was keeping. But along the way he met Julian St. Albans an oh so sweet librarian nervous to come out and face societies judgment of his sexuality. He’s remained a virgin as he hides from the world. The connection that sparked to life between them on their first meeting though has Julian questioning his decisions. One day while the two men were enjoying each other’s company at a bookstore, Finley’s evil ex Sarazen happens to stumble upon the couple. Finley left Sarazen because he was a criminal, a thief and a liar and kept that part of his life hidden from his new love. But Sarazen can’t let it him go and attempts to trick Julian into meeting him so he can kidnap him. He lies to Julian and pretends to be an old friend of Finley’s and that Finley will be with him with a surprise for Julian. But Julian smartly tells Finley of the conversation and the two realize they can only run to escape Sarazen’s plotting and become hidden people.
The two men escape to the English moors and Nightworld Academy where Julian becomes the school librarian and Finley becomes the school’s doctor. On their first night at the school Finley and Julian become drunk on Dandelion wine and decide on a really dumb idea to adopt one of the students to further disguise themselves as parents with a child. They go to bed together for the first time and Finley persuades Julian with his “mourning wood” that they should fight to be together openly. They go through a selection process and decide on one of the angsty teenagers Bailey who has no support in his life. Bailey doesn’t fully trust the two men and knows they’re hiding something, but the easier life they’re offering him with their support is one he craves.
Eventually Sarazen, with the help of his brother the rogue Rafe, and word of mouth through his motorcycle club, manages to track down where the lovers are hiding. He’s determined to end their affair and enlists the help of Josh & Hazel a pair of sibling witches to cast a death curse on the students at the school as they’re not sure exactly which student the men are hiding behind. The witches cast a blood curse that puts a pestilence into the blood of students one by one with a certain blood type. Death is kept very busy collecting damned souls as deaths occur by the dozen. Annihilation of the students seems imminent.
The deaths draw Elliot, the local police detective, on to the scene and the pressure is on. He goes under cover at the school and strikes up a friendship with Bailey as the two dig into the secrets Julian and Finley are hiding. Julian and Finley realize they must do something when Athena appears to them as a sign of good fortune. The two men go to Mrs. Morris and her Ghost for their abilities as seers. Their tarot card reveals that the thing the men must fear the most is fire and that the Lost Talismans will stop the blood curse from spreading.
With the help of the information Elliot and Bailey have dug up Julian and Finley search the library between dusk & dawn and discover the Lost Talismans and find the strength to stand openly and proudly together. Sarazen and Rafe think they have the men trapped in the library and have the witches toss a fireball in amongst the books. Instead Julian and Finley are able to escape through secret tunnels and Sarazen and the witches are caught in the flames.
With Rafe on the run from the authorities after his brother’s death Finley is finally free from his past and Julian is destined to be his final lover. He’s proposed and Julian will be his bridegroom. Bailey has found a new home and accepts that he can be loved by his adoptive fathers while Elliot has moved on to a new case of the death of a K-9 academy. Josh & Hazel are now spirits that Mrs. Morris can tap for help while Death is born anew through all the energy he collected and has found new life as a human on Earth.
Mod
"It was winter on the mountain, frost on windows every morning and continual snow falling for months. It had been like that since the mystic Madam Burova with her impossible beauty and cerulean eyes and her mercenary sword-wielding mate, Finn had moved in. Being vampires they did not want the sun in the sky, as they would burn like paper if a ray touched their skin, so Madam B had cast a spell preventing the seasons from changing.
Our unlikely heroes are Mercy, a fierce looking black woman, and Lila, her prickly Palestinian neighbour. Besides having an unaccountable fondness for the color purple they were just normal people.
Visiting the Zoo to see the famous Sicilian Lions they were caught in a snow storm and arrived to discover all the animals freezing and close to death. Outraged, they decided to set off on a quest to find the Firekeeper Key to unlock the first day of spring.
Trying to add some more people to their quest, Mercy approaches Murderbot to ask it to join them. Murderbot has too many TV and films to watch, including a new dating reality show and the film Zombieland, to waste its time on taking care of stupid humans though.
Lila asks her daughter Rebecca, a lynx shifter to joint them, but she's too busy moping over her unrequited crush on Stryker, a grey cat she'd seen. So, just the two of them, they set off on their hike through the silent, snow-covered land to the House of Earth and Blood.
Their route took them deeper and deeper into the midnight-dark oak woods, until they couldn't see their hands in front of their faces and were entirely lost. Mercy and Lila's pace slowed as fear and darkness closed around them, until Mercy suddenly lost patience.
"I effing refuse to be a prisoner of these shadows!" she shouted, and pulled out several powerful torches from her pack, the light showing them the path on out. As they finally reached the end of the woods they dashed headlong into the sun, only to find themselves falling, falling, landing! Deep in a pyramid of mud.
"Got anything in your pack to help us out of this mess?" Lila asked, whilst Mercy hunted for the spades she knew she'd packed.
Meanwhile, Rebecca decided to act on the basis that first comes like then lust and love, and is wooing Stryker with pumpkin spiced hot milk. Unbeknownst to her, Stryker was head over heels in love with Rebecca already and succumbed to her lures embarrassingly easily, and we can hear wedding bells in their near future, just as soon as Stryker gets over giving birth to twins!
Murderbot is feeling something -guilty, perhaps? - but shrugs it off to settle down to a good binge watch of "Dream Maker", a wonderfully soapy space opera show with Murderbot's favourite characters: Mr Fuzzypants and Runcible, and settles down to rewatch a particularly funny episode featuring newt-smuggling.
As they dashed through the house, Mercy and Lila smelt some delicious scents wafting, but couldn't stop to investigate. If they had they would have found Death joining the lockdown craze of baking, entered a baking competition and is busy practicing making his cakes for the competition - chocolate and peppermint macarons are his speciality.
Finally reaching the top room, Mercy and Lila are confronted by Madam B and her muscle. He starts showing off his sword-work and is unprepared for Lila to coolly fire a shot between his eyes. Mercy tackles Madam B and is in the midst of a splendid bitch fight, replete with hair-pulling and eye gouging. Taking advantage of this distraction, Lila unlocks the case, releasing the Enchanter's Flame. They hear the bonds shatter and summer comes flooding back. As the sun touches Madam B she goes up in an inferno, with only embers left when the flames die down.
With a sigh Death realised that his winter break was over, and set off back to work, but not before setting out cake and cocktails for everyone to enjoy.
Mercy turned to Lila: "That was a job well done, but one of us is lying about being normal, and it isn't me! Tell me about your shapeshifter daughter!"
Loving the stories so far!!!!!Moist, being the lovable overachieving team that doesn't always follow the rules, wrote a story that was waaaaayyyy too long.
Ok, it was me. I can't blame the team. (And we have been following the rules.)
Team Moist, being brilliant, did work hard to edit the story down to a more manageable length. I am going to post both the short story and the original longer one, just 'cause.
Team Moist's Paranormal Romance-How to Have Sex With a Mermaid
Ariel hovered above him in the water, her auburn hair surrounding her beautiful face. It was dream-like...
Moist loved mermaids. Having never actually met one, he was hopeful. It was the main reason he was excited about this new case, the missing women from City Aquarium. He excelled at the unusual. Naturally, Supernatural Investigations had put him on it right away.
BAM BAM BAM! Splot! Splash!
Moist rolled over.
“Aw, shut up! I hate hotels.”
The next morning, Moist arrived at the aquarium.
“Mr. Inverness-Strand-Terrahaute, welcome,” Ms. Sharkbait said. “Your reputation precedes you, of course, with your paper on rare sea creature sexual habits! Let me show you around.”
The aquarium was impressive; huge tanks sporting every type of sea life imaginable.
The nonpublic labs were equally impressive. Large, clean, spaces with tanks, worktables, computer arrays, and a beautiful woman. His supernatural senses started signaling…
“Rose, Mr. Monroe Oliver Inverness-Strand-Terrahaute.”
“Please, call me Moist.”
Sharkbait left, and the woman relaxed.
“Nice to meet you.” Rose whispered, “you’re from SI, yes?”
“Yes. What is happening here?”
“My sisters are missing. I think Sharkbait’s responsible.
“Tell me everything.”
“Sharkbait, and her associates are searching for aphrodisiacs, to fill the market among vampires and shifters.”
“That explains the interest in my fish sex paper. Go on.”
"Sharkbait also discovered…our secret.”
“You’re mermaids.”
“How could you possibly know?” Rose wailed.
“I sense the paranormal. Beautiful woman, marine biologist, my senses in overdrive. So, when did your sisters disappear?”
“They were working late doing research in the aquarium. God knows what orders ‘Bitchface’ gave them. They never came home. When I asked Sharkbait, she said they left around midnight. I don’t believe her.”
“Why are you three working here?”
“It began as legit science. But after a few months, we were forced to assist with a cousin’s autopsy, who was a fish. Sharkbait then ordered us to help with her research, or the rest of the family would be next... Now my sisters are gone.”
“Hmm, I have a plan, but I need my PI gear at the hotel. I’ll be in touch.”
Once there, he suddenly heard the same dream sounds from the night before.
BAM BAM BAM! Splot! Splash!!!
“That’s it!” Moist ran to the next room and listened at door. He heard a scream! Opening the door cautiously, he saw two men and two shallow water tanks in place of beds. The tanks held two mermaids, fins resplendent, naked breasts perky, arms in chains, looking terrified.
One man grabbed a mermaid, pushing her in the water and shoving her against the tank bottom. (Bam Bam Bam!) The mermaid’s tail came up out of the water, (Splot!) turned beige, and flopped back into the tank (Splash!).
Moist caught this on film, backed out of the room and called SI.
What was happening? Was the tail morphing into legs when out of the water? According to mermaid lore, wet means half-fish and dry means human. What was this research? He called Rose and said to hurry over.
“Rose, I’m sure I’ve found your sisters, alive.” Moist gave Rose the details, and while they waited for SI, he showed her the video.
“Is that Buttercup and Iris? What is going on with their tails?”
Rose, in tears, “They are alive!”
SI created a ruckus saving the mermaids, then opened Moist’s door and brought in Iris and Buttercup, shaken but unharmed.
Sharkbait in handcuffs screamed, “This is a setup! They volunteered!”
Moist slapped her.
Upon interrogation, SI discovered Sharkbait worked for a mermaid-obsessed vampire, hell-bent to discover how to have sex with a mermaid, underwater, in his pool.
The next night while dining, Rose said, "How can I ever thank you for saving my sisters?”
"You can tell me what happens when you get moist…"
Rose poured wine on her legs. Moist watched her legs grow together and turn a beautiful rose gold.
Moist carried her to the bedroom. His greatest fantasy about to come true. He had wanted to be with a mermaid his whole life. As a bonus, he liked her!
He looked down at her and realized that there was a small problem.
"Let me get you a towel."
Team Moist's Paranormal Romance-How to Have Sex With a Mermaid (long version)
Ariel hovered above him in the water, her auburn hair surrounding her beautiful face like a cloud. Her come-hither look was exciting to see. It was almost dream-like...
Moist loved mermaids. He loved them. A lot. Of course, he had never actually met one, but he held out hope. It was one of the main reasons he was so excited about his new case, the missing women from the City Aquarium. Women and water, a mystery, and maybe even some supernatural shenanigans, a nice combination. Supernatural Investigations had assigned him to start on the case first thing in the morning, which is why he was so upset about being woken up from his dream...
BAM BAM BAM Splot Splash!
BAM BAM BAM Splot Splash!
Monroe rolled over and put his head under the pillow.
“Aw, shut up! Damn, I hate hotels.”
Moist was tailor made for a taking on a job at the aquarium. He had been in love with the sea since he was a child and he saw his first exotic sea creature. That one happened to be polka dot seal, but he was sure that someday, someday, he would meet a mermaid. It was his life’s goal.
The fact that he went to work for Supernatural Investigations instead of studying the deep wasn’t really his plan. He just was very good at finding the unusual. He could smell a vampire from miles away. He could warn people about harpies in the trees.
“Mr. Inverness-Strand-Terrahaute, welcome to the City Aquarium. Your paper on rare sea life and their sexual habits has us all excited here,” Ms. Sharkbait extended her hand in greeting.
“Thank you, it is a pleasure to be here.” Moist tried to inconspicuously wipe off the damp residue from her handshake.
“Let me show you around.”
The place was impressive, with huge tanks sporting every type of sea life imaginable; from the exotic flying pony sharks, feather duster lobsters, pin-striped whales, and glowing turtles, to the more pedestrian, but still beautiful salmon, angel fish and dolphins. The atrium even displayed some very impressive fossils of extinct sea life.
After the public spaces were the labs. Large, clean, imposing spaces with tanks and stainless steel tables, computer arrays and a beautiful woman sitting at one of the tables. As soon as he walked into the room, his supernatural senses started signaling a hit. He kept a straight face.
“Rose, meet your new researcher, Mr. Monroe Oliver Inverness-Strand-Terrahaute.”
“Please, call me Moist. It is just easier.”
Sharkbait left the room after her introductions, and the woman relaxed a bit.
“Moist. So glad to see you.” Rose approached him and whispered “you are from SI, yes?”
“Yes, I am. I take it you are the one who called. Can you let me in on what is happening here?”
Rose replied. “My sisters are missing. I think that Sharkbait has done something with them. My sisters Buttercup and Iris were working late two nights ago, and never came home after.
“What is with this workplace?” Moist looked around and took closer note of all of the tables. “These look a bit like autopsy tables.”
“They are. The research we are tasked in is to figure out the inner workings of the more “unusual” sea life. The public isn’t aware of the research going on here. I’m pretty sure they would not approve. I came here to study marine life, to understand it, not to destroy it.”
Moist looked at her, the tingly sense of the paranormal hitting him in parts of him that would not be appropriate to talk about in public.
“Why are you still here? What is it that they are looking for? And, who, by the way is “they”. Pardon the grammar.
“Ms. Sharkbait, and her associates, Harold and Charlie. They are trying to find new aphrodisiacs to bring to market. There is a big market for sex stuff among the vampires and shifters. It seems to be all they care about, and those three are in business with some some scary people.”
“Ah. That’s why they liked my paper on fish sex so much. I kind of wrote it on a dare. What about your sisters? What do you think happened to them?”
Rose teared up."I don’t know! But, we have a secret, and I think Sharkbait may have figured it out.”
Moist looked at Rose. “You three are mermaids, right?”
“How could you possibly know that?” Rose wailed.
“I have a…I guess you could call it a power. I can sense the paranormal around me. Beautiful woman, marine biologist, my senses going crazy, I just did the math. I have always wanted to meet a mermaid! Want to get a cup of coffee or something?”
“Flirting with me, really?”
“Oh yeah,” Moist said, a bit abashed. “I guess I should do my job first, huh?”
“You think?”
“Sorry. Tell me about the last time you saw your sisters.”
“They were working the late shift in the aquarium, and stayed after for some research. God knows what they were cutting up on the orders of bitch face Sharkbait. They were to be home late, but in the morning they weren’t there. I asked Sharkbait about it, and she said that they left around midnight. I don’t believe her.”
“Why the hell are you all working here?”
Rose sighed. “It didn’t start out as an evil empire. We were doing legit science. The three of us have been trying to live in the human world for personal reasons. Family stuff, you know. Royalty and polluted seas and all that. It was months before the trouble started. We were asked to help with an autopsy on a fish. Weird, but it was supposedly an exotic. So, when we got to the lab after hours, there was a mermaid on the table. It was a cousin. Sharkbait told us that we had to help her with her research into exotics, and that she had killed our cousin and the rest of the family would be next if we didn’t help her. Now my sisters are gone.”
“Well, they may be missing, but they haven’t shown up dead, right? Let’s come back here after hours tonight and see what happens. I’ll go back to my hotel and grab my camera and PI stuff.”
“PI stuff?”
“Mics, aura detectors, you know, PI stuff.”
Rose sighed again. “I’ll see you back here at what, eleven?”
Moist went back to his hotel and decided to take a quick nap before a long night.
Once again, there was Ariel, with her lovely hair. But this time, her face looked just like Rose. He had met a mermaid! Finally! And, she thought he was a dweeb. He would just have to save her sisters and be a hero. No problem. He drifted off.
BAM BAM BAM Splot Splash!!!
“That’s it!” Moist jumped out of bed and out into the hall. He went to the next room, listened at the door, and heard really weird noises. Then a scream. He got out his lock pick tools, and opened the door. Slowly he crept in, and around the corner he saw the oddest set up imaginable. There were two men and two shallow tanks of water instead of beds against the wall. In them were two mermaids, fins resplendent, naked breasts perky, arms in chains. Wait, what, thought Moist, chains? The men were naked too, and were standing over the tanks, The lights were low, but Moist could see that the men were excited, and the girls were terrified.
One of the men stood over a tank and grabbed at the mermaid in it. He pushed her down in the water, and shoved against the tank. Bam Bam Bam, and the mermaid’s tail came up out of the water, turned an odd shade of beige, and then flopped back into the tank Splash!
Moist got out his camera, and started filming. He backed out of the room, went back to his, and called in to SI.
A team was on its way. Moist looked at the footage he had shot. What was that thing with the tail? It looked like the tail almost became legs when it was out of the water. But, it was still wet. How did that work?
Moist knew all the mermaid lore. If they were damp, they were half fish. If they were dry, they were all human. What were they doing at that lab? Why? And, how the hell did a mermaid take a shower? He had to call Rose.
“Rose, I’m pretty sure I have found your sisters. They are alive, and we are about to rescue them. Come to my hotel room. Now.”
Rose arrived at the hotel. “Sharkbait saw me leave. She was just behind me, but I think I lost her. What is happening? Where are my sisters?”
“They are in the room next door. They seem to be prisoners, and there was something else. Watch this tape.”
“Prisoners? Why aren’t we getting them out?”
“The SI team is on the way, just be a little patient, and watch this please.” Moist turned on the video.
“Is that Buttercup and Iris? And, what is going on with their tails? Under water they are blue and green, and out of the water they are flesh tone. Is it just me? Is there something about mermaids that I am not aware of?”
Rose tearfully looked at the video. “My poor sisters! They are alive! They are being tortured!” She looked some more. “Why are those men naked? Yuck. Wait a minute. Why is Buttercup’s fin turning? What the hell did they do to her?”
Moist put his arm around Rose and drew her close. Damn she smelled good. Slightly like seaweed, but nice. Wait, inappropriate, Moist, concentrate.
“Rose, we are going to get them out.”
There was a knock on the door, and the SI team came in. Five heavily armed and outfitted men and women watched Moist’s video.
“Moist, you stay here with her.”
Moist and Rose listened as there was an astonishing number of loud noises from the next room. Bangs, bam, splashes, yelling.
Rose grabbed Moist’s hand. “What are they doing?”
The door opened, and the sisters were carried in and laid on Moist’s bed.
Rose ran to them and threw a blanket over them.
“Iris, Buttercup! You are alive! Are you ok?”
She sat on the edge of the bed and held her sisters’ hands.
Iris was about to speak, when the door opened again, and Sharkbait, Harvey and Charlie were led in in handcuffs. The men were still naked. It wasn’t a pretty picture. Sharkbait looked mad enough to chew through the cuffs.
“This is a set up. The girls volunteered for these experiments. How dare you put me in handcuffs?”
Moist didn’t even think. He just slapped her face. “I should have known you were a bad guy. Damp hands?
The police came in and arrested the bunch of them.
The evil trio had been working for a shady vampire that had the same mermaid obsession that Moist had. Instead of just worshipping from afar though, the vampire had captured one, but had a slight problem. His fantasy was to have sex with the mermaid in his underground pool. He couldn’t quite get over the fin thing though. How does one sleep with a wet mermaid? The experiments with the exotic marine life was to somehow make underwater love possible. Sharkbait would do almost anything for money, even hurt innocents. What an ass.
Weeks later, Moist and Rose were having a candlelit dinner. Apparently being an accidental hero had its perks.
"You know Moist, my sisters are going to be ok thanks to you. And, the research at the aquarium has gone back to pure science again. How can I ever thank you?”
Moist set down his wine glass and took her hand. "What happens to you when you get, you know, moist?"
Rose lifted her skirt and poured some wine on her legs. Moist looked, and saw her legs grow together and turn a beautiful shade of rose gold.
Moist lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom. His greatest fantasy was about to come true. He had wanted a mermaid his whole life. As a bonus, he liked her and everything!
He looked down at her beautiful body, and realized that there was a small problem.
"Let me get you a towel."
Ahem... Is this thing on..? Ah, excellent. Sighs matters... : A Fantasy Romance in verse
By Rincewind, wizzard.
There once was a reckless princess named Alice
Who met a werewolf who was lacking in malice
She would make him her beau
But didn't count on Moreau
Who made the wolf drink from his poisoned chalice
The doctor cut and he carved and he spliced,
He tore and he rended and diced
He cried "This is fun!"
And soon he was done
And was pleased and a little surprised
As the wolf stood there looking gormless
In a smock that was baggy and formless
In shock he looked down
To the bulge in his gown
For now his member was truly enormous
The doctor was overcome with joy
For building such a well-endowed boy
The wolf was in misery
For he longed to be free
Not living here as Moreau's sex toy
While our wolf tried to evade Moreau
There was another slight issue, you know
Loki was hanging around
Where the animals were found
Where his wild oats he was trying to sow
But the wolf had still to play his winning hand
And he climbed up a cliff in the highland
His new schlong would suffice
As a flotation device
And with a splash he dove off the island
You may ask "How is the wolf still alive?"
See, Death was busy, so let him survive
Death was having successes
In modelling dresses
For his support group every Monday at 5
When the wolf again returned to dry land
He found the princess and asked for her hand
She saw what he tried to hide
And her eyes opened wide
Then she booked the priest, flowers and band
With heaving bosom and quivering thighs
And a come-hither look in her eyes
She jumped into his arms
And displayed all her charms
And with gusto laid claim to her prize
Newfound love helped with mental health mending
And happiness was two bodies blending
They made for the exit
Ran off into the sunset
So happy was our hung wolf's story ending
Oh, well done! (And you used the word "gormless", a favorite of mine.) Clap clap clap!!!!!!!
Jenny wrote: "(And you used the word "gormless", a favorite of mine.)Almost as good as "moist"? lol.
Jenny wrote: "Really is anything as "good" as moist?"I don't know... shall we ask Steven? lol!
Thanks guys, this was so much fun to do ;)
Team Oook's Mystery Horror (now with Male Models and Snacks) Miss Marple sat on her porch enjoying the “Frost and Starlight.” Some would call her house a “Bleak House” with the unending noise of the waves on the shore and the cold rise of the mountains. However, it fits her purposes exactly. She may be an amateur sleuth, but a highly competent one. Furthermore, she knew from village life that everyone had “Deadly Secrets” if you were willing to “Scratch the Surface” a bit. Her thoughts were interrupted by the unexpected arrival of a “Long Black Cadillac” and motorcycles.
Stopping in front of a large group of half-dressed men, and giving them her best stare, she demanded, “Who are you?”
The first man stepped forward and introduced himself, as “the illegitimate son of the Marquis of Blackbeck—and notorious rogue … with a heart as dark as his Mediterranean looks.” The next man apparently was a “hot tamale of a ginger with icy eyes, the perfect playoff beard, and a body built for sin.” At that a third man introduced himself more succinctly as a “hottie lumberjack aka Sir McHotpants.” As a well-dressed fourth man introduced himself as “hot, blond and flexible,” Miss Marple cut them off, “What are you doing at my house?” she practically spit.
“You invited us to the Romance Cover Male Model Convention,” Sir McHotpants replied, as everyone piled into her house. However, little did the guest know there was “An Unexpected Peril” at this house party, as one of these uninvited guests was an “Inside Man.”
Inside, men were posing without their shirts and planning “leisurely gourmet meals, tennis matches, and plenty of relaxation by the pool,” as Miss Marple tried to explain she had not invited them and had neither tennis courts nor pool. Two men seemed to be planning to run away to a tropical beach together on their motorcycle in between staring into each other’s eyes. Murderbot could not figure out how it got to the party, as it was neither male nor a romance cover model and was planning on leaving immediately. As it stood there, DEATH walked over and offered a canape, “I’m supposed to be here for the next act, but this is excruciating.”
Thankfully for DEATH, the next act was about to start as “hot, blonde and flexible” stood dramatically in front of the largest window and declared he was part of a cult bent on raising the dead gods from the ocean as he was “Psycho by the Sea” and would rule the world. Miss Marple sighed putting her sleuthing skills to work and with little effort decided he was likely why this house party was currently at her house on the Winter Solstice.
However, “Psycho by the Sea” failed to consider the weather forecast, as a torrential, world-ending “Tempest” had been gathering, and one of the guests came running inside screaming about bodies in the garden. Lightning set the roof on fire, and the air smelled of “Burning Roses.” Miss Marple stood there and considered the chaos around her with a slight smile. As Psycho was chanting, “in dark corners, strange creatures are stirring,” the window broke as a large tree branch came crashing through, hitting him on the head. He stopped chanting and looked around with a “Change of Heart” and asked, “Where am I?”
DEATH sighed, “Amnesia, really?” and looking over at Murderbot, suggested they might go to the library. DEATH has just adopted a puppy and while DEATH enjoyed walking and bathing said puppy, house training was a pain. They left with DEATH mumbling about adopting a cat instead.
Miss Marple muttered, “Incompetent,” and started to call the Old Ones “Down Among the Sticks and Bones” herself. She was surprised no one thought to question the dead bodies in the garden among the chaos, but “They (that) Come by Night” liked fresh snacks better anyways.
The sound of a motorcycle was heard behind the chanting, as “hot tamale” and the former “Psycho by the Sea” decided on a road trip to the beach to Find Their Forever.
The house continued to burn down around Miss Marple, and both will be gone by morning, sucked down to the “Dark Places” of the “Drowned Cities.” Apparently, the snacks were not up to the Old Ones standards.
The Mystery of the Dragon Pearl (A Paranormal Mystery by Team Luggage)Grim, the tiger shifter and professional assassin, looked down at the body before he blended into the background and walked away planning how to spend the profits from his now completed high money job while enjoying his “Assassination Vacation”.
A few hours later Dante, the tattooed wolf/mage hybrid who worked as a detective on the Island of Moonstone Bay, stood looking at the body near the docks with Cassian, the rich telekinetic, and his twin brother Quinn, a federal agent and dragon shifter. The victim had two red heart darts sticking out of his neck and had obviously died of poison. Death, dressed in black, walked over unseen to reap the victim’s soul before wandering over to pick up a tiny black kitten which he decided to adopt. Dante and Quinn finished looking over the scene and began to interview Cassian.
“’The Last Thing He Told Me’ was that he found ‘Lindy’s Diary’ here on the island. The diary had information about the lost Dragon Pearl; and he needed help finding it before Lucien, the Russian vampire Lord who can manipulate weather,” said Cassian. “Lucien has always wanted to increase his magic and be able to control all four elements. With that power he could challenge the elves for control of the realm.” He then offers to buy lunch.
They head to Rowan’s coffeehouse and café. In one corner, Dumbledore and Lucien are eating fried green tomato sandwiches and elephant ears with caramel macchiatos to drink while having a discussion about reincarnation over a game of chess. In another corner, Death is feeding his kitten fried chicken. As the owner Rowan takes their orders, she shares the information that she’s overheard about the victim. They eat pizza and drink tea. Cassian offers to help investigate, and they make plans for their next steps. When they are leaving, Rowan states, “There is ‘One More Thing’. I saw him talking to Verity yesterday.”
At the lighthouse, Verity, who is hiding undercover as a librarian, invites them in and offers them tea. She explains that the diary spoke about a hidden room in the lighthouse and then heads off to the quilt show. After an hour of searching, Quinn locates the hidden room. Inside they find a map on the wall and decide to try to get to the artifact first.
Coming out to the beach, they are surprised to see several monsters rising out of the ocean and heading straight toward them. It is clear Lucien does not want them to ‘Survive the Night’, but Quinn quickly shifts and unleashes a torrent of fire to destroy the monsters.
The trio heads into “The Forest of the Vanishing Stars”. After a few miles, they are attacked by two jaguars. Cassian distracts the jaguars by telling them a story. As they reach a clearing in the field, a portal suddenly appears spewing out more monstrous creatures. While Dante distracts the monsters, the twins set out dreamcatchers and then activate them to send the monsters back home. Finally reaching the “Great Circle”, they are confronted by the vampire, who quickly spins a tornado at them, while the assassin attacks them from behind. Dante shoots and kills the assassin while Quinn and Cassian capture Lucien and secure him in magical cuffs. When they open the box thought to contain the Dragon Pearl, they instead find a note from their parents stating the Dragon Pearl had already been safely returned to the “Well of Magic”.
Once Lucien is safely in a cell, Dante, Cassian, and Quinn head for the potluck at the town festival. The three fill their plates with crab legs, get ginger ale from the bartender, and join Rowan and Verity at one of the tables. They overhear Dumbledore, Lucifer, and Death deciding to take the kitten with them on “The Road Trip” they’ve always dreamed about. Afterwards Dante and the girls head home. Quinn waves goodbye to Cassian, who has decided to sail home, before heading to the airport to catch his plane.
TEAM ROB ANYBODY'S DEVIL MAY CAREThe devil went down to Georgia; he was looking for a soul to steal.
Charlie Daniels took the one he wanted so now he needed to find a new one and he knew just the place - the local residential reform academy. The devil was prepared to do whatever was necessary to get his way though. A trained mercenary, he had malice and murder on his mind.
Things didn’t go quite as expected; they hardly ever do. Upon his arrival, the devil was immediately attacked by a slobbering group of aliens. He was interrupting their baseball game and they had no time for his antics. In fear for his life, the devil hired a hard ass lawyer who owed him a favor or two and told her to take care of the mutants. The lawyer had better things to do with her time though so she sent them to an ivy league school knowing no one would even notice.
After talking with his therapist by phone, the devil decided to move forward with his soul-stealing plan. His quietly approached the school, evil intentions in his mind once again. Little did the devil know, he was about to meet his match! From out of nowhere, a 30-year-old lonely woman with a glass of Merlot in her hand jumped on his back and told him she’d been waiting all her life to meet him. The devil said, “Ma’am, most people do everything they can to avoid me.” She replied, “Well I’m not most people.”
The devil started thinking this might be an easy soul to steal when suddenly the woman started talking about marriage and the perfect husband. The devil started shaking in his red leather boots! He was looking for a soul, not a wife! What was with this crazy lady? She must have had had too much Merlot.
The devil quickly decided he should just head on back to where he came from and come up with a new plan when the drunken woman cast a magical love spell on him. Good grief. He unknowingly picked a reform school that specializes in magic and spells.
The devil suddenly found himself dressed to the nines in a black tuxedo. His bride to be was grabbing student hostages to witness their Blood Wedding. A band of demons playing fiddles accompanied the woman as she walked down the aisle to stand at the side of her groom. At the alter, Alfred Hitchcock recited their vows. At the conclusion of the ceremony, Hitchcock announced that his Speak of the Devil book would soon be released and encouraged all the students to buy it.
A short time later however, the love spell began to fade away. The devil found himself and his new bride on an isolated island in the middle of nowhere with no means of escape. All the devil could think about from that time forward was how he was going to get even with that damn Charlie Daniels!
The Jackanory Story by Team SAM VIMESIn the beginning there has been the CRIME. A lifeless body is found in the Big City, sucked dry by a vampire for sure!
The wheels of the Big City, where a corrupt elite never tires of their power play, but is big on appearing as champions of the people, are turning slowly, thus 2 detectives are called to investigate the scene.
One of them is Henry, a former, wounded war hero, who has been mourning the disappearance and possible death of the Love of His Life these past 6 months and has never stopped searching for her and for her killer. Emma was a powerful witch and the girlfriend of vicious warlord Iver, who forced her to turn her powers to evil things. When Emma and Henry met, there was love at first sight between them. But they had no time to be happy as afterwards Emma suddenly disappeared.
The other detective is Sophy, a forensic psychic, who can see ghosts and has the ability to feel the emotions of others, and read impressions left behind on objects.
In front of their eyes the victim’s body turns into a zombie and escapes before Sophy has the chance to talk to him. Several other murders happen in the same way and also several, orphaned children disappear from the city’s streets.
The public gets nervous and demands revenge.
The investigation leads towards the unbelievably sexy, but elusive and mysterious Vampire, Lord River. Sophy and River totally have the hots for each other from the moment their eyes meet. Sophy, of course, knows how deplorable these desires for a possible killer are, but the Lord -obviously-has no qualms about it whatsoever. So they will have lots of dirty, but absolutely enjoyable sex.
On the other hand, Henry and Sophy think that the evidence pointing to Lord River is almost too neat and nice to believe.
Finally, Sophy manages to capture the ghost of one of the victims who tells them that he was killed by rogue werewolves hired by Iver. And it is Iver’s evil necromancer, Morgan, who turns the bodies to zombies, building a vast, invincible army to gain control over the world - over both normal and paranormal creatures. He is gaining more power by sacrificing the orphaned children.
Suddenly, Emma’s ghost appears to Sophy and tells her everything that has happened to her since her disappearance and reveals the evil plans of Iver and Morgan who want to rule the whole world by imposing total control over all. They also needed her witch powers for this and need dragon’s blood to put a curse on her, forcing her to give up all her powers to them.
Unbeknownst to all, this whole setup is all part of a possible war between Heaven and Hell. Death wants to avoid this at all costs to keep the world in balance as well as having countless zombies on his hands, so he decided to intervene. When Emmas was killed by the necromancer and the warlord, Death let Sandman Slim send her into a deep sleep and whisk her body away.
Now Emma’s ghost is here to stay and help the detectives and the vampire. Emma also tells Lord River that some nephilims are looking for him as he is part of the dragon prophecies. In the meantime Sandman Slim is fighting vindictive Angra Om Ya, the old gods released by hell and will win in the end!).
While the warlord's elite lawyer tries to shut down the investigation and the necromancer tries to influence the MC’s dreams, they don’t give up, but keep searching for the dragon’s blood. In this endeavour they get help from Emma’s witch coven called Daughters of Darkness as well as from Lord River. They find a secret, long-lost manuscript with the map showing where the phial with the blood is hidden as well as the Qomrama Om Ya, a weapon from the banished older gods. They are in a museum where all kinds of magical mcguffins are hidden in plain sight (the corrupt elite is of course involved in smuggling these magical artefacts). There is also a secret well that only River can sense. There he finds the blood with which he can resurrect Emma. And why he can do it? Because he turns out to be a fallen angel from Heaven.
The warlord and the necromancer turn up with their army amidst a magical storm and vicious fighting ensues. Lord River almost gets killed, but Sophy saves him. Henry strikes the warlord dead. Our heroes come out victorious from the fight managing to save the world. The Vampire/Fallen Angel River closes the magical well with the necromancer and his armies inside. The well cannot be reopened as his magic signature is unbreakable.
The vicious elite’s crime also comes into the limelight. An International Magi Police Organization is formed with both humans and paranormals with a wise magistrate and and a cougar shapeshifter cop at the helm to maintain the peace between magical and non-magical beingd. Henry and Emma and Sophy and River all get their happy ending.
CASE CLOSED.
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The waves were crashing on the beach next to Jo Marie’s inn on Crete, a greek island paradise. The wind was blowing her long red hair into her eyes, making it difficult to keep track of the surfers skipping over the waves on their boards. Behind her, she could hear Ambrose setting up his easel, ready for a day painting the scene. He was a long term guest, enjoying his retirement and having a break from his native France.
While she was catching up with Ambrose about how he was doing after the death of his husband, they became aware of a commotion on the beach. A car had been found in the waves and there appeared to be someone inside. The calm of the island was irrevocably shattered.
Meanwhile in the inn restaurant Sam, a private investigator was sitting down for his breakfast. He knew it would be a treat as it was cooked by Lauren, the inn’s fantastic chef, who was 34 and a triplet. She had a knack for getting the best ingredients and Josh was amazed how good she could get the simplest things to taste. He called her out of the kitchen and asked if she would like to go in his plane over the island. When she said yes there were cheers from Elizabeth, a Californian erotica writer and her husband William, a reporter.
A cruise ship had just pulled into the main dock as well, with a most intriguing character to complete our cast. DEATH was enjoying his holiday and looking for a soul that had been split. This upset him, as people are good and their souls should be kept intact. He was noting down the things he had seen in his diary so that he had a record of the trip.
A few days later, the funeral of the person in the car is held and at the time, Jo Marie hears a voice from inside the inn. She looks all over the inn and can’t see anyone and eventually realises that she was the victim in the car. Jo Marie’s talent for talking to the dead is rusty and she can’t get all the information from the voice, but figures out enough to realise it is Ambrose’s aunt and to suspect her neighbours. She and Ambrose team up to investigate them.
A masked stranger comes up to them and offers to help the investigation as they can time travel. They work with this artificial friend to work out what has happened. They discover that Ambrose’s aunt had been funding a broadway show based on fairytales and the money for this had been stolen and used to destroy books instead.
Two of their neighbours arouse their suspicions. One is Ben, an Italian billionaire with very patriarchal views, who doesn’t approve of women having their own money and is hiding a secret from his past. The other is Addie, who appears to be immortal and enjoys killing.
In contrast, Sam and Lauren have spent the last few days attending traditional dance displays, visiting the beautiful island scenery, eating at the Red Lobster and at an art exhibit. After a few dates they share their first kiss, and are falling in love.
Death has discovered the parts of the soul hidden in an Easter egg. The problem was the egg is inside a goblet of fire, but that is easily solved with cold water.
It’s been 10 days since the murder and the trail is going cold. Unfortunately, their investigating has made the police suspect it was one of Jo Marie or Ambrose. As they are searching, a thick mist envelopes the wood, making everything more difficult. They pray for a break in the weather and enlist the help of the local coven. They suggest wearing masks before approaching Ben and Addie. As they plan their confrontation with Ben and Addie, Ambrose’s aunt speaks to Jo Marie again, giving them the final piece of the puzzle.
It turns out she isn’t the first of their murders; there is a string of eight cold cases going back to December. Most of these were caused by an apparent fall onto the rocks.
Jo Marie and Ambrose stumble across Ben and Addie near a cliff, where they fight before our villains escape in a boat over the cerulean sea. DEATH returns to his realm and job of collecting souls. Lauren and Sam share a bottle of wine while planning a safari adventure. Jo Marie and Ambrose sit by a fire and think about their adventure while eating chocolate.
Mod
On a night like this, in a beach town on Hawaii, sometime in June, there is a ghost called Hamish. The truth according to him is that he is a Scottish WWI soldier - one with a bad attitude, granted, and who thinks that anything you can do, he can do - but in reality, he is a dead man walking. He has been raised by Denver, a single dad who works as a sexy waiter at various (fan/nerd/etc) conventions and moonlights as a necromancer, something of a point of pride for him. (He doesn't do the gravedigging himself though as that would get his hands too dirty, so he usually assigns this part of the job to The Scandalous, Dissolute, No-Good Mr. Wright - yes, the man insists on the title.) The two of them have been practically inseparable since. What for, is anyone’s guess.
At this particular convention, Hamish discovers an intriguingly familiar clue in a displayed painting. He however hides this fact from his best friend, who is a bit of a serial killer, which even Hamish considers to be a little bit wrong.
As a matter of fact, Hamish is in conversation with Denver just now, commanding rather than talking however. “Just say yes!” he yells and Denver glowers at him. He is not a fan of this kind of rough love, but he throws down his towel and rushes off with Hamish.
Meanwhile, a group of 70-somethings belonging to the same book club have just discovered something horrendously xquisite!
While DEATH is gallivanting around with a motorcycle gang called “Vixen’s Wail”.
Lucy, an adorkable clumsy mess of an FBI agent with a heart of gold, and Zane, a prickly navy seal, both with tattoos and fearless, are putting up a prejudiced resistance against believing Alice, who accidently accepted a murder for hire job and whose sidekick is a gargoyle who’s unspoken talent is to be able to see ghosts, that she hasn’t committed the murder, certain that she is trouble and that she is hiding something. Alice does not say another word. The last thing she does instead is cry.
All of a sudden, a hurricane is making it impossible for the antagonists to pursue their investigation, leaving them trapped in a little room with little to do than kinky stuff. Lucy, who has become a hostage to pleasure, even manages to persuade Zane to do a little striptease for her.
Meanwhile, DEATH is reading instructions for dancing while waiting to see if a kidnap victim will be killed buuuut, her hero ends up saving her.
The protagonists use this time to play a drinking game called “Whiskey Trick” to settle their nerves and figure out their next move, until Lady Luck makes them realise that the hidden clue was to Hamish’s stolen inheritance.
A lot of general bad things and double crossings and hidden agendas ensue, not in the least a Barbarian from alien planet getting in the way, leaving a smear of blood and honey on the floor. Falling on the slippery floor, the protagonists are nearly caught by the bloodsucking lawyer wanting to keep them from Hamish’s inheritance. Several deceptions and delicious lies later, the protagonists have gathered all their courage just once more and manage to flee in the barbarian’s UFO.
The antagonists go above and beyond to apprehend the protagonists but those are far gone by then. They were just about to turn away in shame when there seems to be a malfunction on board the spaceship. Inside “All Systems Red!!” was the general cry and then… everything goes up in smoke.
“Well,”, Zane says, “this is not the ending I want but nothing is ever truly perfect, is it?” With an apology, they release Alice, who learns a secret about herself.
Newspaper will later describe this evening as “the darkest evening of the year”.
Epilogue
Several weeks later during an extreme heat wave, Lucy and Zane look at each other. “We can’t keep meeting like this,” Zane murmurs shyly when Lucy winks at him.
Vampire-Alien Madness by Team Tiffany AchingOn a dark and rainy Halloween night in a parallel magical world, Chloe is listening to jazz music in her loft in New York City. Not because she actually likes jazz, but because the resident ghost rather enjoys it. Anytime Chloe tries to change the radio station, the ghost shows her displeasure by wafting the scent of lavender in her direction. Chloe hates lavender. So jazz it is.
Watching the news, Chloe is disgusted by the state of the world. Not only is New York City ruled by the extremely entitled son of Satan (who has a very bad taste in hats, mind you!), a new race of vampire-aliens have started kidnapping and killing people. Her sense of social justice will not allow her to stand still and do nothing. In the morning Chloe has decided to quit her desk job, hoping to find a way to help her city.
Falling asleep unexpectedly, Chloe dreams of a gorgeous man covered in tattoos. He appears to be a policeman,
looking at crime scene photos of a girl recently murdered by the vampire hybrids. The dream is strange, unlike anything she has experienced before. Believing she is seeing the future instead of dreaming, Chloe hopes to gain insight into the murder.
Chloe wakes suddenly. Her dog Mutt is frantically trying to catch a moth outside of the window. Disappointed in being unable to finish the dream, Chloe calls her librarian friend, Mrs. Elm.
Mrs. Elm, who volunteers cooking for a women's shelter, suggests Chloe does something social to get out of her emotional funk and sets her up on a blind date. Before hanging up, she tells Chloe not to forget her purse, as a lady must always be prepared!
On the other side of New York City, Finn, a policeman, reads through his colleague's, Dr. White, forensic report. Suddenly, Finn remembers he has a blind date. He had tried to set up Dr. White, but the doctor wasn't ready to date as he has not lost hope on finding his kidnapped wife after 10 years.
Grouchier than ever, Finn goes in Dr. White's stead, to the local theme park. He has been told of a darts stall, owned by a strange man named DEATH, where the darts are actual forks. This blind date idea all started with a random anonymous email chain conversation and after this shitty case, he is ready to have fun and try anything. Between the Satan president wanting to control people and create a new military with genetically altered people and the vampire hybrids reaping souls and bring about the apocalypse, Finn felt it was impossible to have fun in the city any longer.
Chloe couldn't be any more surprised about Finn being her blind date. Those strange dreams! Finn and Chloe are having a blast with the forks, until DEATH comes running in announcing he has found that bloody vampire he had been hunting. Another shout and DEATH reveals there has been a mass murder on a train, caused by radiation.
Beginning to curse “D… ” but stopping himself, Finn grabs his phone and calls for backup. He needs some help from his friends and Rincewind and Twoflower have trained hawks that can track the vampires before they disappear. Finn turns to apologize to Chloe about having to leave but she cuts him off saying, “I am coming with you, Finn. Don’t argue with me, it won’t change my mind.”
Finn reluctantly nods his head as he has learned to listen better to women over the years and he knows when he needs to back down.
They spend hours following the hawks when they come upon a vampire giving poisoned candy to children. The group quickly takes him down and sends him to paranormal prison. Finn and Chloe get the children emergency care at the hospital, saving their lives.
The magical council of New York City calls Finn and Chloe to conclave due to innocents being harmed. Finn is blamed for the poisoning but Chloe argues back. She states the children would have died without Finn's intervention. The council reluctantly agrees and do not punish Finn.
Resuming the investigation, they receive an anonymous tip to head to an old, abandoned warehouse. Inside they find music records scattered everywhere, mushrooms and more of the poison the vampire was using. Finn calls for a team to collect it to be analyzed. Waiting outside next to an old junk car for the team to arrive when the building explodes and Finn and Chloe are hurled to the ground. Shrapnel hits Finn in the side leaving a gaping wound.
Taking charge of the situation, Chloe doesn't know if the villain responsible is nearby and realizes they need to get to safety. Seeing a manhole cover nearby, she nudges Finn.
“Finn, we can take the sewer away from here. Whoever this is won’t think to look there. Hopefully they will think we died in the explosion.” Finn nods painfully.
As they jump into the sewer Finn realises he’s hurt worse than he thought. “Chloe, do you know how to use a gun? I don’t think I'm in any shape to use it, should we run into the bad guys.” She nods. He hands her the gun and they run blindly into the dark tunnel. Soon Finn begins to slow and Chloe hears other footsteps running in the muck. Knowing they can’t get cornered in a sewer tunnel, Chloe urges Finn up the steps to the next exit. Emerging near the Bay, Chloe realizes their pursuers have caught up. Bullets begin whizzing past and Chloe decides to use her magic to help them escape. Chanting, the car nearest to them unlocks and the engine starts.
Without thinking, Chloe slams on the gas pedal but they’re headed straight for the sea. Horrified, Finn thinks to grab the steering wheel but Chloe says, “Belt, now!” and chants even faster. Then they drive off the edge of the pier. Screaming, Finn closes his eyes as he waits to be swallowed by the frigid water. But nothing happens. He opens one eye then another to see the car flying across the Bay.
Amazed he sees a blurry shape just on the other side of the bay. Like the windscreen has been smeared in grease. “What’s that?” Finn asks.
“The price of my magic,” Chloe responds.
As they come in to land there’s a flash of lightning and their ears pop. The car lands hard and the tires explode. The movement causes so much pain Finn passes out.
Chloe can’t wake him. Worried he might be dying, she leaves him to go find help.
As she runs through the weirdly deserted street they landed on, she sees the clock says 7:48. She stops in front of a newspaper box and sees today’s paper. “We’ve travelled back in time!” she says to herself. Whooping, she knows exactly what she needs to do. She knows where she needs to go.
Hailing a cab, Chloe arrives in front of the abandoned warehouse one hour before she and Finn will arrive in the past. She inspects the area as she waits, setting herself up near the explosion staying hidden from view. She hopes to catch the culprit in the act. Her patience and position pay off. She spies the vampires setting up the explosives while past-Chloe and Finn are in the building. Rather than warn herself, Chloe gets into the backseat of the vampires’ car, saying a quick charm to obscure herself.
Two vampires stay behind. She recognised them as the ones who followed her and Finn into the sewer. Chloe realised the last vampire will likely go back to their enclave. The third vampire jumps in and takes off as soon as the explosion occurs. He has a one-sided conversation with someone on the phone for most of the drive. Chloe didn’t catch much as she was formulating her plan of attack. But she did get, “See you in a minute, Boss.”
Ten minutes later the car parks and Chloe waits, psyching herself up. She reaches into her purse for Finn's gun but instead grabs the spoon that Mutt dug up from the back garden today. Losing consciousness, she see's a building full of vampires being sucked into a swirling vortex and herself waving a glowing spoon around. Waking suddenly and thinking she heard Mutt barking, Chloe weaves a spell around the building. When she’s finished, she says a spell sucking the building out of existence, exactly like her dream.
Two years later
Finn’s injury forced him to retire from the police. Needing to find a new source of income he turned his furniture making hobby into a new career. Currently, he’s working on a crib as he and Chloe are expecting twins in six months time. Though they're engaged she refuses to set a date. He jokes about being a single father as she won't make an honest man of him. Chloe has also had a career change. Still wanting to make society better, she has opened up a music therapy group for children, especially those hurt by the vampires and the former president.
Not long after the vampires vanished a genetically modified wolf/man hybrid ripped off the president’s head on national TV. No one mourned his death. In fact, many had parties to celebrate and champagne sales went through the roof.
After the investigation, Finn's old friend Rincewind is attempting to becoming the oldest trainee astronaut. Rincewind hopes to find the vampires in space.
All is well.
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