Beautiful Disaster question

I bought this book after being drawn in, by the cover art. A Butterfly trapped in a glass jar and the blurb on the back, only intrigued me even more. A shy awkward girl , falls in love with a bad guy.

From the very first page, I was hooked and couldn't put it down. The two main characters Abby Abernathy and Travis Maddox first meet at a club where there is a weekly fights held.
Abby is shy and sweet and Travis is the local bad boy who juggles girls , covered in tattoos and gets into fights.

I've never read the bad boy trope, I've never had any interest in it. However, this book felt different.

I could feel the connection between Abby and Travis, the moment they met. You could see past Travis bad boy facade and see there was more under the surface.

What made Travis so endearing was his sense of humor and confidence. He could make you smile, just by his one liners. Also, that he's kind. From the moment he hung out with Abby, he made sure she didn't go hungry. So sweet!

There are alot of red flags and alot of inappropriate language in this book that, doesn't sit well with me at all.

- Bad Language
- Slurs towards how they talk about girls
I almost put the book down, due to these multiple times.

However; there was like a compulsion in me. I needed to finish the book, I needed to know what happened.

Abby and Travis' relationship is extremely tumbulous and volatile .Travis can be very overprotective and hotheaded when he's afraid he's going to lose Abby. It's extremely hard to read and can be viewed as toxic.

Despite all this; and the fact I wouldn't stand for this if I had a relationship like this in real life, I can't seem to give up this story.

I just love Abby and Travis . The book title, describes them perfectly- they are a disaster but a beautiful disaster! I can't help but love them because, I see beyond all the chaos , they really do love each other.

Also it's the kind of love, I've hoped to find one day. Not the disaster part but, the beautiful, epic love that two people are damaged but when they are together- they somehow are mended.

I first read this book,9 years ago. These feelings still consume me and make me question alot. What does it say about me , that I like this book despite all the red flags?Am I bad person?

These questions have plauged me throughout, the entirety of the series. Each Book in the series, I am consumed by these thoughts and doubt myself as a reader and a person .


Does anyone else feel like this, when they read the Beauiful books?