Happily Ever After Cafe discussion

I tried this in a different group but didn't get the results I was looking for. I want this to be more of a discussion with maybe some recommendations. I have read a lot of romance although much less than many goodreads members lol. Anyway I was thinking about how I don't think I have really read any books where the female gives the man oral. I may have but don't remember anything specific. Most of the time it is the female receiving. I do believe I read more historical romance than contemporary. Clearly, from the other group it is common in erotica, which isn't the same as regular romance, and definitely different from historical romance. In romance other than erotica why do the men tend to not receive but only give? Is it somehow more romantic to get rather than receive.

I think in a contemp, it puts the heroine in a vulnerable position. I mean, it does in a historical as well, but a contemp heroine usually has the knowledge and experience the historical heroine doesn't have.

Does that make sense? I haven't yet included one in any of my books because it didn't work out organically, though I do have the reversal once.

I have read many that the woman gives back but I can't remember specific titles. I think Kristen Ashley does it in some of her books.

Kristen Ashley definitely does. Most of my books do. I always figured what's good for the goose... For some, it's the first time, a lot depends on the character. I can't say I actually look for it in romance. Like Abigail says, it has to happen organically. Like any sex in a story, if it feels like an (insert sex scene here) kind of thing, it doesn't feel real.

I've read many romance novels where blow jobs were common...as often as the other way round. I only read contemporary romance, not erotica or historical or any of the other fields of romance. I've also read it in romantic suspense, but sometimes it's a forced thing where the story line includes an abusive partner or ex-partner.

Interesting. I would say I definitely have read both Historical Romances and Contemporary Romances where fellatio is preformed. I'm having trouble thinking of the specific books, though. Unusually, the man performs oral sex first, then the woman obliges later in the story. For me, it does seem that cunnilingus happens slightly more often, but not by a huge percent.

I read the spectrum of romance and am finding it with increasing frequency.

It is a bold and aggressive, self confident act for a woman, but a very giving act. so I think it's appearance would depend first on the heroine's character, to some extent the age or boldness of the author, and the depth of the relationship.

I think it's usually more common in contemporary romances where the man receives. It isn't unheard of for a woman to be the aggressor in modern/contemporary stories and often the male characters tend to find it sexy when a woman takes charge.

I think I agree with Abigail when she refers to the perception of women during the time periods that historical romances. In many of those books the women are illustrated as inexperienced, unsure so it wouldn't occur to them to perform the act. Also women are thought of as taking a more submissive (not in the erotica sense) stance. But I recently did read a historical romance where the woman was more assertive in the bedroom and took it upon herself to give the man a blow job. So, like some of the others have said, I suppose it depends on the nature of both the story and characters involved.

Romance has always pushed the limits when it comes to women and sex. It plays to women's fantasies and allows women to go as far as their imaginations will allow. One of the things I love about the genre is it includes all fantasy tastes from sweet to erotic. All of us who read it get to have our dreams fulfilled! I read the whole spectrum, depending on my mood.
To me, the sex should be appropriate to the story and that might mean no sex at all. The only thing I require is that there be a loving relationship at the end.

The line between romance and erotica is a blurry one but agree with Jacqueline - any sex scene has to be in context and essential for a romance while erotica can sometimes be a series of scenes strung together with a flimsy story.