I'm reading the book #Churchtoo and I'm in absolute shock right now because so many Evangelical victims of sexual assault including rape, are told by church leaders to forgive their rapist.
When I was in my late teens / early twenties, I uncovered the probability that I was sexually assaulted as a 3yr old. Molested by a "Christian." It's not a memory, but everything in my life experience points to the likelihood of it. And in my teens I wrote a novel called "Journey to forgiveness" about a girl who was raped and learned to forgive her rapist. It was not about justice for the crime. It was an anti-abortion, forgive the rapist, "Evangelical-purity-culture-rape-culture" style message. Writing it was therapeutic for me as it actually helped me subconsciously begin to uncover and heal from my own sexual assault.
BUT I didn't realize that I was falling into all the traps of purity culture and rape culture messaging. A culture in which it is seen as more godly for sexual assault victims to forgive, than for sexual abusers to be punished. A culture in which the mental health of the sexually abused is less important than the mental health of the abuser - WHAT THE F#@%?!
I can't even begin to describe how much my mental health suffered just from the effects of purity culture messaging coupled with latent sexual trauma, and I am now furiously angry that we are being taught to simply forgive abusers. That is not enough.
NO.
I'm saying no because I believe that sexually abusive people need a change of heart and mind. That's what repentance is. They need an education that even something they may see as borderline sexual harrassment or assault can have negative consequences for years and years to come for the victim. I'm saying no to repeated abusive activities with no consequences. NO WAY. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I have never been one for punishment and I am not talking about punishment here. That's not real justice in my opinion. Justice is when abusers see the light and have a revelation that what they have done is so much more than a mistake or an accident. When they start championing the cause of women and victims & they truly change from the inside out: that is justice. That is what is needed here.
I'm saying NO, I WILL NOT SIMPLY FORGIVE YOU ANYMORE. I will fight for you to see what you have done and for you to change your mind, heart & behavior.
I wanted to vomit when I read that a 9yr old victim of rape was forced to HUG her rapist in an act of forgiveness!!! Who hugged her????? Who was seeing her and giving her the healing that she needed in this situation?????
Forgiveness is not enough for crimes of sexual assault!
When I was in my late teens / early twenties, I uncovered the probability that I was sexually assaulted as a 3yr old. Molested by a "Christian." It's not a memory, but everything in my life experience points to the likelihood of it. And in my teens I wrote a novel called "Journey to forgiveness" about a girl who was raped and learned to forgive her rapist. It was not about justice for the crime. It was an anti-abortion, forgive the rapist, "Evangelical-purity-culture-rape-culture" style message. Writing it was therapeutic for me as it actually helped me subconsciously begin to uncover and heal from my own sexual assault.
BUT I didn't realize that I was falling into all the traps of purity culture and rape culture messaging. A culture in which it is seen as more godly for sexual assault victims to forgive, than for sexual abusers to be punished. A culture in which the mental health of the sexually abused is less important than the mental health of the abuser - WHAT THE F#@%?!
I can't even begin to describe how much my mental health suffered just from the effects of purity culture messaging coupled with latent sexual trauma, and I am now furiously angry that we are being taught to simply forgive abusers. That is not enough.
NO.
I'm saying no because I believe that sexually abusive people need a change of heart and mind. That's what repentance is. They need an education that even something they may see as borderline sexual harrassment or assault can have negative consequences for years and years to come for the victim. I'm saying no to repeated abusive activities with no consequences. NO WAY. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I have never been one for punishment and I am not talking about punishment here. That's not real justice in my opinion. Justice is when abusers see the light and have a revelation that what they have done is so much more than a mistake or an accident. When they start championing the cause of women and victims & they truly change from the inside out: that is justice. That is what is needed here.
I'm saying NO, I WILL NOT SIMPLY FORGIVE YOU ANYMORE. I will fight for you to see what you have done and for you to change your mind, heart & behavior.
I wanted to vomit when I read that a 9yr old victim of rape was forced to HUG her rapist in an act of forgiveness!!! Who hugged her????? Who was seeing her and giving her the healing that she needed in this situation?????
Forgiveness is not enough for crimes of sexual assault!
NO!