Support for Indie Authors discussion

I'm not sure if this question belongs here or in Marketing, but since the question is about the Amazon book description, seems more blurbish to me.

I'm five books into the series now, and we're making a little money every month. Not much, but at least we're in the green versus ad spend. I took Matt Holmes's Ads for Authors course, which helped me see where the real problem lies.

For the number of impressions, I'm getting a decent CTR, but the conversion rate stinks. To me, that says the book page is not closing the deal with potential readers.

So, here is the book description for Book #1 in the series, which is all I advertise. Comments welcome.

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It all started out as a routine port of call at a friendly planet.

But when six enormous spaceships came over the horizon, the peace and quiet was transformed, and Liberty's desperate battle to defend herself and the city below was over in just thirty-five minutes. The fight to survive in shattered Inoria would take much longer.

Ensign Carol Hansen’s idyllic walking tour of the beautiful alien city ended with bloody death falling out of the sky. For her and the other Liberty survivors, help was at least a week away.

Caught at the sudden and violent collision of three cultures, Earth's Fleet finds itself inexorably drawn into their first interstellar war, an unexpected conflict for which they are not fully prepared.

There is just this one small problem: they have no idea who they're fighting, where they came from, or what they want.

A reviewer in the UK says "The book kicks [off] with great pace and draws you in to the universe he has created, great characters and [well] written action scenes loved the whole way the story develops as you read..."

There's plenty of action, but it's well seasoned with background and characters you'll care about. "You may shed a tear or two…" another reviewer said.

So, if you’re looking for an "Outstanding story with a believable plot," where characters and relationships are as important as the technology, then this book is for you.

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Um, I wouldn't buy that, to be honest. You're telling me plot, not emotion. Who are the characters and what's on the line for them? Hansen's walk was messy. OK. What's her arc? What's her emotional problem? It should be more about what they feel than what happens.

Don't tell us to care about the characters. Give us a reason.

OK so I've been working on this a bit.

Just for fun I asked Bing's AI to write me a promotional blurb:

“Get ready for an epic adventure with ‘Silver Enigma’, the first volume of a three-book ‘Preeminent War’ series by Rock Whitehouse. Set about fifty years in the future, this ISC Fleet novel brings us into a world surprisingly different from what we see around us today. With its gripping plot, well-developed characters, and vivid descriptions, ‘Silver Enigma’ is a must-read for science fiction fans everywhere.”
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Sounds more like a movie trailer to me. Then I asked it to do one in 500 words and it just started making stuff up, character names and all. Bizarre.

Anyhow, here is where I am now. I have a collection of about ten review quotes below, but I'll trim that to maybe five in the final version.

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For the crew of the Liberty, it all began as a routine port-of-call above Inoria, a city famous for its welcoming citizens, peaceful setting, and enthralling alien beauty.

Ensign Carol Hansen is just six months out of Fleet University, where she graduated at the top of her class, as usual. As an Assistant Navigator, she's learning her trade, and living the life she always wanted. Not bad for a farm girl, not bad at all.

But all that mundane normalcy evaporates as deadly weapons suddenly rain down from space, trapping Carol in the city. Once the hailstorm of falling death is finally over, she is one of the survivors, one of those lucky enough to have been on the surface when 'Liberty' was destroyed above.

With the ship lost and the city in flames around her, she faces the immediate challenge of combat leadership, and begins her transformation from raw ensign to battle-tested warrior. She must also face up to a failed toxic relationship, and perhaps see with new, more seasoned eyes someone who had always been right beside her.

Warrant Officer David Powell, thrown off his long-dreamt path to a Fleet commission by family tragedy, is pulled into the same unexpected conflict. He must now find his way back to his true future, and to the woman he has loved ever since that first day of Freshman year.

Caught at the sudden and violent collision of three cultures, they find themselves inexorably drawn into Earth's first interstellar war, a war for which no one is fully prepared.

What readers say...

"...one of the best crafted works I've read in a long time."

"This book has it all. Great characters you can get attached to, great and unique storyline with twists and curves, and a great ending to the first book that makes it all worthwhile."

"Outstanding story with a believable plot. Well done for a first time published writer."

"This book does a great job of combining a thrilling story, character development, science fiction with true/believable science, and real military terms and interactions."

"Wow, so sorry this book wasn't longer. I could have happily continued reading this story for days."

"Excellent work, maybe the best sci-fi since the 50's, [or] 60's."

"A gripping piece, with interesting ideas and a willingness to spend time on a character before killing them off, managing to avoid a lot of plot cliches along the way."

"Solid space opera with well developed characters."

"This is the best sci-fi series I have read in years. Whitehouse doesn’t skimp on the physics, making the story both realistic and futuristic."

"Tight plot, excellent handling of the multiple sub-plots, and characters that come to life in that way that makes them feel like your friends, neighbors, coworkers - not just characters in books."





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Ensign Carol Hansen is six months out of Fleet University, where she graduated at the top of her class. Living the life she always wanted is destroyed when deadly weapons suddenly rain down from space. Trapped and terrified, Carol is stuck in the city one of the lone survivors once the falling death is over.

Can Carol face up to the immediate challenge of combat leadership, and transform from raw ensign to battle-tested warrior?

Warrant Officer David Powell is pulled into the same unexpected conflict. His future dashed, he tried to win the woman he has loved ever since that first day of Freshman year, all while fighting the invaders.

Caught in the collision of three cultures, Carol and David find themselves drawn into Earth's first interstellar war, a war for which no one is fully prepared, and the only hope is a doomed relationship made right (OK, I'm vamping on the end).

Thanks, Robert. I'll see what I can do with that!