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Hi All
Would really appreciate your input on this blurb. Thanks in advance!

The inhabitants of Mordeland are oblivious to the imminent unravelling of the timeline. Levinial, a Time Weaver chosen by the gods, bears the responsibility of preventing the looming disaster. His investigations reveal Brylee, a figure seemingly as ordinary as she is consequential, may be the source of the catastrophe.

With tenacity, intellect, and a dash of frowned-upon magic, Brylee managed to thrive in a male-dominated world. Then the revelation of her hidden charmer magic brings her world crashing down around her. Compelled to forsake all she holds dear for her own safety and that of her family, Brylee is drawn into a relentless pursuit of the Red Assassin. Despite her deep-seated shame over her charmer abilities, can she survive without harnessing it?

Gideon is driven to prove that charmers, shunned by society for their magical abilities, can play an essential role as healers. Consumed by an obsession to validate his beliefs, he inadvertently ignites a calamity. Upon uncovering an ability to control time, an insatiable hunger to correct past mistakes requires that he obtain a new source of power.

Bound together by extraordinary circumstances, these characters begin an inexorable journey that forces them to confront the depths of their inner conflicts. In the shadow of impending annihilation, Mordeland's survival teeters on the precipice, dependent on choices they find themselves ill-equipped to make.

You've written a mini synopsis, not a blurb, I''m afraid. And that can't work because it's too dispassionate.

Like the story, itself, the writing of the blurb must be emotion, not fact-based. Remember, the primary purpose of the blurb isn't to educate the reader, it's to make them turn to page one, where your brilliant writing will hook them.

The blurb focuses on the thrust of the story, not the events. Is it "Coming of age?" Perhaps, "Be careful what you wish for? What the story is about is not the same as the details of what happens.

Who is the protagonist, and why must they, uniquely, be the one to handle the "problem?" What's the problem that must be resolved, and the consequences if it's not? That's what matters.

Think in terms of the voice-over for the theatrical trailer.

Something to think about: Any good book on basic fiction-writing technique will cover the basics of things like writing blurbs and how to format a submission, in addition to how to end the beginning and begin the ending of the actual story. So it might be worth checking a few. Given that the approach to writing fiction is so dramatically different from the writing skills we were given in school, some time spent reading about the profession, it's mandates and necessities, and the tricks the pros take for granted, might make some sense.

I agree with Jay. Limit yourself to say 200-250 words max. Your objective is to tease the reader into the story. That and your cover are the best marketing tools you have.

As the others have said, 200-250 words for a blurb. It is highlights.
Something along the line of:

Lenvinial, a time weaver, discovers the timeline is unraveling and it will destroy Mordeland if not stopped.

Brylee , a woman who succeeds in a man's world, loses everything when it is revealed she has charmer magic forcing her into chasing down the Red Assassin to save her family.

Gideon believes those with charmer magic are healers but to validate his believe he ignites the looming calamity for Mordeland.

Can the ill-equipped trio over come their inner demons to save Mordeland?

That isn't great, but gives you an idea of what a blurb should do. I just highlighted what you had above and then what they need to do. Think of it like an expanded movie trailer. What is most important for each character and how does that intersect in the book.

The inhabitants of Mordeland are oblivious to the imminent unravelling of the timeline. Boy howdy. I hate when that happens. Then you have to get your timeline knitting needles out and... oh, sorry Levinial, a Time Weaver chosen by the gods, bears the responsibility of preventing the looming disaster. Ah. A loom instead of knitting needles. Cool. No, really, So, the gods aren't powerful enough to deal with whatever is going on? Or is Levinial a god? His investigations reveal Brylee, a figure seemingly as ordinary I'm getting lost. I don't even know what constitutes as an ordinary figure in the real world, let alone a fictional world I am not familiar with as she is consequential huh? , may be the source of the catastrophe. I would guess that ordinary figures don't often cause catastrophes.

With tenacity, intellect, and a dash of frowned-upon magic, Brylee managed to thrive in a male-dominated world. Then the revelation of her hidden charmer magic brings her world crashing down around her. Compelled to forsake all she holds dear for her own safety and that of her family, Brylee is drawn into a relentless pursuit of the Red Assassin. At this point I'm hopelessly lost. There's a lot being thrown at me and I haven't gotten my heels set in yet from the first paragraph. Who is frowning on Brylee's magic and why does it matter? What is hidden charmer magic? What does she hold dear? Why is her family in danger? Who is the Red Assassin? Remember, this story makes sense in your mind. You have to explain it to new readers as if they haven't even read a word of your book, yet. Despite her deep-seated shame over her charmer abilities, can she survive without harnessing it? What is she trying to survive? Being ashamed?

Gideon WHO? is driven to prove that charmers, shunned by society for their magical abilities, can play an essential role as healers. So, they heal people, but no one ever notices? Consumed by an obsession to validate his beliefs, he inadvertently ignites a calamity. Klutz Upon uncovering an ability to control time, an insatiable hunger to correct past mistakes requires that he obtain a new source of power. Vague and meaningless to anyone who doesn't already know who Gideon is, what his past mistakes are, what kind of power he needs...

Bound together by extraordinary circumstances, these characters begin an inexorable journey that forces them to confront the depths of their inner conflicts. In the shadow of impending annihilation, Mordeland's survival teeters on the precipice, dependent on choices they find themselves ill-equipped to make Uh huh. By now we get that there's some sort of looming disaster and these three characters are supposed to stop it somehow. Aside from that? I have no idea what's going on.

Seems you have made a common mistake in wanting to pack your blurb with all kinds of things you feel make your story exciting. And you may be right. This is probably all exciting when you get into the story. However, it's too much information for a blurb. Focus primarily on one character or situation. Slow down and explain it. What you have probably feels exciting and interesting to you, but to a potential reader it's little more than vague list of what happens in the book. Try to give a reason to either root for your character or empathize or at least give us a reason they're interesting.

Jay wrote: "You've written a mini synopsis, not a blurb, I''m afraid. And that can't work because it's too dispassionate.

Like the story, itself, the writing of the blurb must be emotion, not fact-based. Reme..."

Jay wrote: "You've written a mini synopsis, not a blurb, I''m afraid. And that can't work because it's too dispassionate.

Like the story, itself, the writing of the blurb must be emotion, not fact-based. Reme..."

Thank you for the detailed feedback. Sadly, so much research has been done and hours spent writing the blurb. We have invested in a professional editor and professional cover art so I think it makes the most sense to get a professional blurb writer,

Jeffrey wrote: "I agree with Jay. Limit yourself to say 200-250 words max. Your objective is to tease the reader into the story. That and your cover are the best marketing tools you have."

Thank you.

B.A. wrote: "As the others have said, 200-250 words for a blurb. It is highlights.
Something along the line of:

Lenvinial, a time weaver, discovers the timeline is unraveling and it will destroy Mordeland if ..."

Thank you for the detailed feedback. It looks like we will get a professional blurb writer as it is as difficult as they say!

Dwayne wrote: "The inhabitants of Mordeland are oblivious to the imminent unravelling of the timeline.
Boy howdy. I hate when that happens. Then you have to get your timeline knitting needles out and... oh, so..."

Thank you for the feedback - it hurt but I was laughing - you are very funny.

A suggestion: The fact that you were having those problems with the blurb, and your approach to writing it, suggests that you might not have dug as deeply into the books and resources on writing fiction as you might have,

I mean no insult, but since you've paid to have the novel edited, and that edit didn't influence how the blurb was created more positively, I have to ask: Did that editor, before you hired him/her point to work they've done that was successful in the market, and that you verified that were of a quality that you see as professional?

I ask because there are a lot of failed writers calling themselves editors these days. And when I had my manuscript critiquing business open I saw a lot of work that had been edited so ineptly that were a publisher queried for it, it would have been immediately rejected.

A quick way to determine that, if you've not read it, is to look at three or four chapters of Dwight Swain's, Techniques of the Selling Writer. If you find yourself saying, "Uh-huh, I do that," you're good to go. But if you find your saying, "That makes perfect sense. How did I not see that for myself?" You might want to read to the end. In fact, the intro, alone, may tell you where you stand.

Since it's out of copyright protection, do a search for: "Techniques of the Selling Writer archive" Or, go to the Internet Archives site and search by name. It's free to read or download in a variety of formats.

Hope this helps.

thanks, Jay - yes, our editor is a successful writer in his own right with many reviews and sales - we checked out his online work thoroughly. I will check out the above book too - always good to learn.