Young Writers discussion

This is a story I wrote for English and I hope you guys enjoy it. :)

I remember the colours of the world, they brought happiness in times of depression. They also made the sun fell warm, rich and beautiful. That was when I was very young, around the age of four. Now the world has no colour, the sun doesn’t shine the same, everybody’s always depressed and never happy. Nobody knows how, it vanished like it was never there.
I am one of the last people with colour, that’s why I’m here stuck in this stupid laboratory. My name is Polly, a thirteen-year-old girl whose job is to bring colour back to the world. Starting with getting out of this laboratory.
“You know I really hate it when you doze off while I’m trying to talk to you.” I hear a voice say. I look at the direction where the voice came from and see a young boy staring at me. His eyes and hair are as dark as night when the sky had colour. His dark skin is beaded with sweat from the humidity of the cell.
“Since when do you listen to me when I’m talking to you?” I snap.
“Only when it’s about the beautiful one and only… or about hotdogs.” He smirks poking me in the shoulder.
I roll my eyes, “I’m tired of your smirking.”
“And I’m tired of you punk look because it so doesn’t match your hair or eye colour. Hot pink is a girly, energetic look, not a dark punk look.”
“Funny coming from you.”
“Yeah, funny that because the amazing Aaron is a lot better looking than you.”
“In your dreams, are you going to help me or not?”
Aaron shrugs, “I suppose so.”
“Do you remember the plan?” I ask him.
“Of course I remember something if it involves me!” He dramatically sighs.
Although Aaron is quite self-centred, he has improved over the years. When we were put in this old, mouldy cell nine years ago he was a snob and even more selfish. He would steal all the food we got and left me to look for the crumbs. Now, he splits the food fifty-fifty (sometimes sixty-forty) and he’s less of an annoyance.
The cell door opens and the white, hot light sears my eyes. I look at Aaron and nod at him, he nods back. Two men walk in wearing the same old depressed look on their faces. They hold two syringes each that drip a colourless, thick liquid.
Aaron and I make a run for it, we shove the guards aside and Aaron steals a set of keys from one of them. We lock the two men in the old, manky cell and run down the corridor. My lungs sting and my palms bead with sweat along with my forehead.
An alarm blares as we run, Aaron tries to tell me something but I can’t hear him over the loud, white noise. I gesture my hands to my ears and shake my head. He gets the message but he does something I’d never imagine him doing. He takes my hand and squeezes it gently.
Before I can do anything about ten more men come our way. Aaron turns around and leads us through another corridor that I haven’t seen before. He pulls me in closer to him and I feel his chest shake.
I squeeze his hand as we run through the different tunnels that depress me even more. It feels like forever when we reach the end of the final corridor where the control room is. It’s now or never, we burst through the doors to see two men in boring suits smile at us.
“Hello my wonderful daughter!” The one on the left laughs.
“You’re not my father, if you were then why did you put me here?” I snap.
“Cannot compute, please try again.” He replies.
“I’ll press the button if you distract them.” Aaron whispers to me.
I nod and let go of his hand, “So why are we here?”
“Cannot compute.” The two men say together.
“What do you mean cannot compute?”
“You should know what that means.”
I turn to see where Aaron is, he’s at one of the buttons and he presses it. A wave of some sort of gas spreads throughout the air. I double over coughing, my body feels as if it’s been set on fire. Aaron runs to me, his hands are shaking and his body is drenched with sweat.
“I-I’m so sorry, well, no not really.” He smiles.
“W-what?” I ask.
He wipes his face and I see paint roll off his face. I punch him in the nose and he doubles over coughing. The last thing I see is a warm, yellow object rising over my eyes before everything goes black.

Nice idea! I like your choice of words. I can also grasp the characters' personalities, and I think they could be even more well-developed if the story was longer. I was a bit confused about the ending, although it wasn't bad, so don't take it as that! You do a good job describing, so perhaps show more and tell less, i.e. show me what the world is like and how it is to be in the lab verses just saying, "Color is gone and now I'm here." Otherwise, it's an interesting idea and a great first post.

Thank you for the tips and tricks! :) I'll make sure to use them in my next story.