MK & TCK Book Club discussion
The "Third Culture Kids" Book
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Introductions & Icebreakers
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My connection to TCKs is I am raising two amazing ones.I have read this book many times and have lots of small posted notes all over it. I use it often when I am sharing with the global families I work with.
I want to read each chapter as a separate unit to really hash out some of the concepts and make some very simple aha' moments for my clients.
How do you answer when people ask, "Where are you from?" This is easy for me I spent the first 18 years in Kansas so I am easily a country girl. I even hold Kansas Day parties but the last 28 years has been five continents. Where do you call home is a much harder question to me as my own family grows and spreads out? When we all lived in one 'home', it was where we all were but now I collect emotional homes around the world with my children's new locations and our own changes.
Julia Simens - author or Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child.
I read the first edition. I'm not an MK, but I was a PK who moved around a lot in the States and never knew how to answer the question "where are you from?" the way anybody else did. So I just usually say where I graduated from high school, which makes for a very dull conversation since I was bonded to very few classmates due to my vagabond lifestyle.My primary interest in TCK's first came to me from my daughter, who was raised in Malawi from age 9 on. Beyond that, I've connected with many MK's abused on the mission field because of my own book "How Little We Knew." They've introduced me to the added layers of disconnection they have because of their trauma. Today I just finished J. T. Collin's new book "Face in the Mirror" about a lesbian woman I knew for a short time before she left Malawi for college. Her story demonstrates the added layers of oppression that come when, as a TCK, a person is further disenfranchised due to sexual orientation. So insights just continue to come year after year with the most solid friendships I've ever known growing exponentially in the process.
I am not a TCK - but I work with TCK's - helping them to transition well and to learn to love the life that the Lord has given them. I started my own business to do this and have enjoyed every minute of it! I have read the first edition and am looking forward to reading through it again - I think having a discussion group will help me gain more and retain more of the information. I am just starting to develop curriculum to use with the kids I work with and wanted to read the book again to be reminded of the big picture and to make sure I don't overlook things in the development of the curriculum.
When asked where I am from - I generally say something like - My home base is Minnesota, but I travel the world to serve families.
im gill. im a tck from the category of other ...my father was on a public sector secondment to malaysia. i have only just discovered the whole tck world. i was researching from book im writing "home.sick" partly because i thought there was such a gap - how wrong i was! ive been reading compulsively to catch up and feel SUCH relief. skipping ahead to the chapter i hope that it is "never too late" .. looking forward to meeting you all and re reading the book with others. gill
Welcome, Gill. I think it's important for you to realize that TCK isn't a disease. Because you are a TCK, there are a whole set of common assets and another whole set of common challenges and vulnerabilities. Embracing the assets and being aware of the baggage is what everyone's life is about, though. TCK's just don't fit the common mold, and that's more of a problem for some than others. Good for you for writing!
I am a TCK. I grew up in Togo, West Africa, and went to boarding school in Jos, Nigeria, where Ruth Van Reken's sister, Alice, was my lab partner in chemistry, and their father was my Bible teacher. Like Ruth, I took my children overseas to live in Hungary, and they are also TCKs.I met Ruth at a Diversity conference in Indiana several years ago now. I have read both of her books, and have cited the one she wrote with David Pollack many times in academic papers since I came to the University of Kansas in 2012, pursuing my doctorate in education. I will complete that degree next May.
I have been part of several book clubs and am now a member of several social network groups made up of TCKs. I thought this group sounded like a happy mix of the two. I have tried to start writers' clubs to no avail. I have published articles and poems in Among Worlds magazine in recent years, coauthored a book with my husband in 2010, and am currently writing a novel about life in a Nigerian boarding school.
When asked where I am from, I always say I do not know. I have left pieces of my soul in Africa, all over Europe, and across the United States. I keep thinking I have come to the end of the road. I have no idea how I ended up in Lawrence, KS. I have no idea if this is where I will stay, but we have bought a house and planted some trees and become members of the church on the corner. We are here now, but this is definitely NOT where I am from.
Cynthia, Small world! I'd certainly love to connect with you in person. I live 2 miles from KU campus! Like you, I've got pieces of my soul in many states and countries--not just from living there but from friends I've made through my advocacy writing. I keep thinking what a boring life this would have been if I'd not had the vagabond lifestyle as a child and the international experience as an adult. Chances are, I AM at the end of my long road now, but I love Lawrence, where we've been since 2011. Look me up in the phone book and give me a call please. Last name is Miller.
Just can't believe how small this wide, wonderful world can be become!
Dee, I would love to meet you in person. This next week I have entered a research composition at the university where I will be presenting a paper on intercultural awareness among international graduate students. Anyway, I will be very busy with that until Thursday when I have to give the presentation. But I will try to get in touch with you on Friday, then! Cynthia
P.S. I live about 2 miles from KU as well. Maybe we are neighbors!
I understand, Cynthia. I'm an author of a new, unrelated book to all the other stuff I've written, also involved heavily in Justice Matters, among other things on my plate. Starting the 11th, I've got a "marathon" of activities (including jury duty!) that goes until the end of the month. At least, we can plan to get together. LOL
Hi all, I'm an Adult MK and Ruth Van Reken's parents were my beloved dorm parents. I'm the editor of a newsletter/magazine for our mission's AMKs. (Cynthia, I looked for your name in our database and didn't see it.) And I have an inner healing prayer ministry to AMKs. Recently my ministry partner and I published her story of healing from SRA in our book Diamond Fractal. (Sorry, no italics available for titles)Yes, I've read Ruth's book and use the concepts constantly in my discussions with other AMKs, and I recommend it to anyone who'll listen. A friend told me about the book club and I thought it would be a fun way to keep in touch with Ruth, who, BTW is going to be our speaker at our next boarding schools reunion in July.
And where is home? After much healing from the pain of leaving my beloved Nigeria, I've concluded that home is within my heart with Jesus. Don't mean to be cheesy, but it's the truth.
Dee wrote: "I understand, Cynthia. I'm an author of a new, unrelated book to all the other stuff I've written, also involved heavily in Justice Matters, among other things on my plate. Starting the 11th, I've..."Dee, I found no Millers with this first name in the phone book, and I found more than one listed as D. Sorry, but I did not know how to call!
LOL! I just checked. They've got my actual name now, which only telemarketers use. Now, I know that my real friends will never find me. Try Delinda on Michael--maybe tomorrow evening? Sorry for the confusion.
mkPLANET wrote: "Hey Everyone! I'm glad you've joined us, and our book club promises to be an exciting time. We have some time before it begins, so I'm opening up a space for us to introduce ourselves. Feel free ..."
I am a TCK/MK and I work with TCKs too.
I grew up in the Philippines, lived for 14 months in the Tokyo area teaching English, and have now lived in Bangkok since 2007. My current USA address is my parents place in FL.
My assignment in Bangkok is at an International Church as Children's and Family Pastor. I want to read this book to better understand myself, educate my Team, parents, and kids.
Ruth came to Bangkok a few years back. It was an honor to hear and meet her!
Wow! How exciting that must have been! What a challenge your work is today, too! What percentage of the children you are working with are TCKs? I'm also wondering if you, those you work with, or perhaps others on this forum spent time, growing up, in boarding schools.
ATCK here, now settled in passport country (the Netherlands), though with longing... UN-kid (not unkid...) with years in around Indonesia, USA, India, USA, Burma, Bangladesh, Switzerland. Now about to start off a year long trajectory with young TCKs returning to the Netherlands. And am so looking forward to that!Therefore looking around for TCK books to be able to add to our library and ran into this bookclub.
Have the new edition in my Kindle awaiting this trajectory (actually awaiting the finishing of "Everywhere and Nowhere." Have too often lent out the previous version and subsequently lost it to have to buy it again to not be able to resist lending it out again to a person in need...
Often asked here in the Netherlands "Where am I from?"
Answer "I'm not Dutch, I'm kind of weird..." And if the eyes glaze over it ends there, if the eyes start to sparkle the fun begins!
Hi, I'd love to join in here! We're about to move to Riyadh in the Middle East (from the UK) and I want to learn how to best support my children, 10 and 12 years, during this massive change for them. Looking forward to reading the book! Thanks.
Hi, Jo. As a mother of TCK's who were that age 35 years ago, I just encourage you to avoid unconsciously sugar-coating their frustrations. You don't have to awfulize them either. There are many positives, too. Yet in the midst of a cross-cultural move, most children and adolescents experience trauma and grief, no matter how much excitement they may also be feeling. I wish every employer would be honest about this. Mission boards are especially renown for promoting denial on this point, over-emphasizing resiliency at the expense of the "little ones."
Hi All, looking forward to reading all your comments about the book as we get started at the end of this month. I run a non-profit that provides pastoral counseling to missionaries and their children in St. Petersburg, FL. I'm not a TCK or MK, but I am a PK who moved around a lot. So I have the high mobility, the living in a fishbowl, and the identity issues that come with parents who are in ministry. I did live in France for a year as a young adult with a French family, and I served in a short-term (12 weeks) capacity in Mali and also a similar service trip in Micronesia. I found those cross-cultural experiences changed me, even though they were relatively short experiences. I do know that TCKs seem to understand me better than most other people, and I've always been drawn to them in friendship. Looking forward to this discussion.
Cindy wrote: "Hi All, looking forward to reading all your comments about the book as we get started at the end of this month. I run a non-profit that provides pastoral counseling to missionaries and their child..."Hey Cindy, maybe I should know this, but could you help me out: what's a PK? Michaela
And... a more general question... when will we be starting? I recall having read somewhere that we'd start in May, but it would be useful to have a sense of when to keep an eye out for start up signals. Or have we started and have I just not yet found the place where that took place?
M
Mod
Michaela, I'm glad you found us! We're tentatively starting May 25, and we plan to cover one chapter per week. I'm just waiting for a final confirmation from the person who's leading chapter 1. :)
Mod
Cindy, I'm so glad you've found us. You're absolutely right that PKs can identify significantly with the TCK experience. I was 10 when my parents changed paths, and went from missions to pastoral work in our passport country. So I was a PK for all of my teen years, we relocated often, and I found that the TCK book helped me understand a lot of my PK issues as well as MK issues. :)
mkPLANET wrote: "Michaela wrote: "And... a more general question... when will we be starting? I recall having read somewhere that we'd start in May, but it would be useful to have a sense of when to keep an eye out..."Ok...thx.
Hello, I'm Deanne! I read this book many years ago and have just borrowed it from someone else - I believe it's the first edition. I'm an MK/TCK who grew up in Indonesia and the mother of two MK/TCK's who grew up in Papua New Guinea. When people ask where we're from I usually say PNG, since that's been my stompin' grounds for the past 23 years. As far as where I'm from Stateside, I have several options to choose from - it just depends on the situation. :) I am looking forward to learning and gleaning from what others have to say about the MK/TCK experience. Whether it's gaining insight into how the cross-cultural life of an MK has shaped me, my children, or others in my missionary circles, I'm confident I'll find these discussions to be beneficial. So, I'm looking forward to it!
I should add a confession. When I first read this book, I didn't really read all of it. I found that I mostly just read all the personal stories and skimmed through the other parts. :) I loved being able to relate so quickly to others who had experienced things like I did and I was more drawn to that than the rest of the book. So this time, I'll slow down and pay more attention to what the authors actually had to say. Ha!
Hi, I'm an ATCK and so happy to have found a TCK group here on Goodreads! I haven't read the book yet but always wanted to...
Hi! I'm an ATCK who grew up in the US and a stint in Kenya, married an Iowa US girl who was born in Sierra Leone then raised 3 TCKs in the US and China, the youngest, adopted there. I coach, teach, mentor and advocate for TCKs and CCKs now. I read the original and have also read the newest version. I'm extremely fond of both authors but especially Dave. ;) I'm looking forward to conversation, new thoughts and how to apply the lessons for young adult TCKs as well as other mobile and cross cultural populations. Glad to be a part of this!
Are you a Third Culture Kid (TCK)? If not, what's your connection to TCKs? - Yes, I am ATCK (Adult TCK). Grew up on the missionfield in Mexico City from ages 4-10.
Have you read this book (or the first edition)? Or is this your first time reading "Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds"?
- Yes, I just read it this year.
What brought you to this group? What topics do you hope will be covered? And what do you hope to get out of the book club experience?
- I am passionate about caring for TCK's. There was literally nothing for me when I transitioned back to Canada. It wasn't until University in the 1990's that I ever heard a seminar on being an MK and on the grieving process. I want to be a part of helping TCK's around the world and am pursuing a masters in counseling for just this reason. Thought this would be a good place to get some further insights into the topic and join in on the discussion.
How do you answer when people ask, "Where are you from?"
- I ask, "Do you mean where was a born or where do I live now?"
Hi everyone! I'm Robin. Born in Missouri, grew up in the Bahamas, taught English in Japan, with some other adventures in between. I've read parts of the book, but never the whole thing. I was so grateful to have found it. I had NO idea I was a TCK - just always thought I was the weird one whose mom dragged me to another country....
I learned about the group from Marilyn, and I just think it's a great fun idea.
How do you answer when people ask, "Where are you from?"
It depends who is asking and the context. 'Home' can be where I was born, where I grew up, where I live now, where my mom lives now, or my dad's house. It's also the island where my second dad was born, because we had a house there and spent a lot of time there.
I am a mom of a TCK.This is my first time reading the book.
I saw a post from Velvet Ashes promoting the book club, that is how I found out. I hope to gain a better understanding of challenges my daughter may face as she gets older, but also ways to better connect with her.
Currently when people ask where I am from, it depends on the context. When I'm in the states, I say I'm from the Dominican Republic, because that is where we have been residing for the last 2 years. When I'm in the DR, if they are Dominican, I tell them where in the DR we live. However, if they are from the states, I tell them Illinois. It all depends on the situation.
I guess I am a TCK, raised in Quebec by an Anglo Canadian father and an American mother who both speak perfect, if a little accented, French. I am perfectly bilingual, but not Quebecois "de souche" (that is, my Quebec-"ness" doesn't go back generations) and people who meet me are surprised I am from Quebec but French is not my mother tongue. My husband is from Winnipeg, Manitoba, in Central Canada.My husband and I are raising two girls (3.5 years and 4 months) in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I send the older one to a French pre-school and the younger one will be cared for by a Khmer nanny.
We've had this book on our shelf for a few months and have been meaning to read it, so yay!
I'm hoping to learn how to help my girls navigate living cross-culturally, deal appropriately with grief, and be at peace with the transience in their life. I would love to learn from parents who have been doing this longer than us.
Bienvenue Julia, Look forward to your insights.
I'm a TCK, raised in the Middle East from age 1 to 18. I read parts of the first edition of Third Culture Kids around age 16, and have dipped into it every couple of years since. The concept of being a hidden immigrant helped me understand my college experience.
I joined the group because I'm getting married later this year, and want to take some time to explore my experience at a TCK and understand how it might affect that relationship. . . . (Or it might be because I'm impetuous and followed a link off of Facebook.)
When people ask "where are you from?" (Which they do surprisingly rarely in southern California, it's not quite the conversation starter I'm used to it being). Dubai, LA, Seattle – my answer depends on what I feel like that day and where I've lived most recently.
Hi I'm a TCK. Born and raised (unit 11yrs old) in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea by Australian parents. I grew up travelling a lot, so was not only exposed to an international school community, but experienced many other places (as a tourist).I moved to Perth, Western Australia, moving to a country school- so in a 12 month period I had gone to 4 schools- International, city, country & High School... agghh...
I stil live in Perth, after doing living in the UK for 2 years, plus some travelling. I don't really ever want to move again- I find the process of resettling too hard. So I'm from Perth- as long as no one asks "what school did you go to?" As that usually revels I went to a country high school, and therefore people want to say I'm from that town... then I have to explain.
I found out about the TCK book in my mid 20's. Every chapter had something that resonated. I hadn't settled well, so it was a relief after so many years to see my experience wasn't so unusual.
Mod
Welcome, Lynette! So good to meet you! I found the TCK book in my 20s as well, and it really was life-changing for me.
I'm from Canada, and the distinctions between country schools, city schools, and other schools aren't familiar to me. Is it a general practice for Australians to define their identity (in part) by the school they attended and the town their school is in?
Just reading more of these many fascinating introductions...Wow! What a group you have gathered Dana. I hope you are enjoying the discussions that have been ongoing and finding them helpful too. I just finished a weekend with cross-generations of TCKs from some int. schools in African and we thought a lot about how understanding our stories is helpful both for ourselves but then also to help give language to so many other experiences people have in our globalizing world related to identity or loss or the gifts of the life experiences they have also had. So many are already using the outflow of their global childhoods in wonderful ways..so nice to meet you all.
Ruth, I have finally settled on a dissertation topic: the power of story in transformational teaching and identity formation. Perhaps it was my own African TCKness that led me to focus on the power of story.
Terrific!!! congrats..it will be great....
Hello everyone. I'm so glad that I found this group, even though I'm joining a bit late. I'm scrambling to catch up on the book, and honestly reeling a bit from how everything fits. Not a usual experience for me. :) I'm an adult TCK (37). I'm officially American, but lived my formative years outside of the US from age 3 to 18 (England, Germany/Switzerland, the Philippines). I attended English schools until age 13, then German middle school and finally an International high school because I couldn't learn academic German quickly enough and they didn't offer any language help back in those days.
I managed to end up back in America for college because my parents were in the Philippines at the time. Then I got married and stayed, and have lived in Oklahoma, Michigan, Boston, and now Colorado. Colorado just caught up to England as the longest I've lived anywhere (10 years). I still feel like a foreigner although I blend in mostly well here.
Yes, I did have a British accent, and yes, I lost it. I tend to take on the accent of wherever I am - even ended up with an Indian one when I lived in the Philippines. That doesn't help matters when I sound American but don't act quite right. I'd almost rather be easily identified as a foreigner!
That's not my short version, but I thought I could tell the whole story here. Good to meet you all and I hope to have some good discussions.
I grew up as an MK in Mexico, and I loved every minute of it! I have not read the book yet, but several people have recommended it to me, so I really want to read it. I wish there had been books like this when I was a kid and teen to help me deal with my constant state of confusion.Sometimes, if I have the energy, I'll launch into a complicated story when people ask "Where are you from?", but mostly I just say Georgia(USA) where I live now. People don't understand the complicated story anyway, and give me weird looks. So never mind. I'm too awesome for them to handle!
Growing up, I never appreciated how special and unique my upbringing was, (I desperately wanted to be "normal".) but now I am so proud and blessed to have a varied and wild cultural heritage. I learned to embrace the weirdness and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
I'm formerly a business kid and currently an ATCK (adult third culture kid). When people ask me where I'm from, I reply with a brief life history: I live here. Well, I was born in Singapore, but my family moved to South Korea when I was five. Then we moved to China, and then we moved to Singapore, AND THEN we moved to the Czech Republic. I have read snippets of the book TCKs: Growing Up Among Worlds. Recently, I finally borrowed it from the online library.
Actually, I'm currently writing a non-fiction book about my TCK life. It's a compilation of autobiography snippets. And I have started a ministry email list to encourage other Christian TCKs. The emails will be about the lives of Christian TCKs and how Christ guided them through it. If you're interested, sign up here: https://clarissachoochootrain.com/the...
What brought me to this group was that I want to connect with fellow TCKs and ATCKs, and encourage them.
What topics do you hope will be covered? Everything related to TCKs!
And what do you hope to get out of the book club experience? To understand more about my upbringing.
We have some time before it begins, so I'm opening up a space for us to introduce ourselves. Feel free to answer any of the questions, or tell us something else about yourself. (There's no obligation to participate in these discussions, so feel free to pass if you'd rather not jump in right now.)
Cheers,
Dana
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Are you a Third Culture Kid (TCK)? If not, what's your connection to TCKs?
Have you read this book (or the first edition)? Or is this your first time reading "Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds"?
What brought you to this group? What topics do you hope will be covered? And what do you hope to get out of the book club experience?
How do you answer when people ask, "Where are you from?"